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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25839541">Carrying the Moon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rust_and_stardust/pseuds/rust_and_stardust'>rust_and_stardust</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>WTFock | Skam (Belgium)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adulthood, Angst, Crossover, Domestic Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Mild Smut, Smut, alternative universe, daddy!Sander</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:21:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>44,340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25839541</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rust_and_stardust/pseuds/rust_and_stardust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Something happens at the beginning of their last year at the university. Sander takes a life-changing decision.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jens Stoffels/Lucas van der Heijden, Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>223</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>271</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story follows what happened in my last social media au ( https://universe-n-3276.tumblr.com/post/621532091150172160/universe-3276-5004-seconds-masterlist ). It features the same characters but you can easily read it without knowing the whole story. I hope you’ll enjoy it.</p><p>NB: In this universe, Sander is not bipolar but his sister Charlotte is.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="s3">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Sander never liked summer at all. It is always too hot, sweaty, and sticky. It also ruined his aesthetic, because his favorite clothes were more suited for the colder season. Shorts and flip flops did not exactly match his slightly edgy-artist style. And then, as if all of that wasn’t torture already, he had to store his precious Dr. Martens in the closet, together with his beloved leather jacket. Whenever it was time to leave it on the hanger and abandon it in the dark, for at least two months, his heart wept as if he were punishing his dearest friend.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">However, June and July were usually bearable. He kept repeating to himself that, if the summer lasted only two months, it wouldn't be so bad. Instead, August always came by eventually, as if it was the Sunday of the year. August was just too much to deal with. Too hot, boring, and extremely long.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Not even the prospect of spending days with Robbe cheered him up anymore, because at some point they both agreed that the temperature was too hot to even try to cuddle, and all that sweat was worth only for some very specific occasions. Furthermore, their poor fan was close to his final act, becoming slower and slower every day.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">That whole year had been extremely stressful for everyone.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">It was their second last year of university, and all the members of the gang worked hard to catch up on the exams they had neglected, in order to graduate together, the following summer.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">That had been the plan from the start, if it wasn’t for the fact that, nine months before, Charlotte got pregnant. Her boyfriend, Max, had pushed her to carry on with the pregnancy, but when she reached the seventh month, he simply disappeared. Everyone had feared for the physical and mental health of Charlotte and the baby. She cried for two weeks in a row, but then she was back on schedule, studying, and seeing her therapist.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">On the 12th of August, Charlotte had given birth to a baby boy, and from that moment, everything went down quickly, because not even 24 hours later, she announced to everyone that she wanted to give her son up for adoption, but at last, her parents convinced her to take home the, still unnamed, newborn.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">A month passed since that day, and nothing had changed. Her family and friends helped Charlotte to look after the child, but she refused to see and touch him in any way.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">On a Wednesday morning, Sander walked into the apartment, where his mother had been living alone with Charlotte since their parents had divorced. It had been a fairly peaceful decision. They simply parted ways but decided to stay friends.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">However, that day took a strange turn, when his mother greeted him with a sad look, rather than her cheerful smile, which both of the twins had inherited. She cradled Charlotte's baby in her arms, feeding him with a bottle of formula.</span></span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I'm going to see how Charlotte is doing."</span></span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Sander said after greeting his mother with a kiss and gently stroking the baby's head. He felt a strange feeling growing in his stomach, as he headed to his sister's room.</span></span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Charlotte’s not home. She left something on your bed though. You should read it. "</span></span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">After his mother had uttered those words, all the happiness, with which he had left his home that morning, definitely disappeared. He walked briskly to his room, and on the bed, he found a letter with his name handwritten on the envelope. He quickly opened it.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">His hands were shaking already.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Sander,</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Your heart is probably pounding in your chest right now, so, listen to me for once in your life and sit down, close your eyes and breathe the way you should, when a panic attack is about to hit you. </span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">You didn’t listen, right? You’re reading this fourth line, but your mind is so clouded with worry, that you haven't understood half of what I wrote. So go back, re-read everything, breathe and keep in mind that I'm fine.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Done?</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Good.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">You may be wondering where I am, and why I wrote you a letter, but I couldn't do what I'm about to do, looking you in the eyes. I don't often show it with my gestures and even less with words, but my bond with you is the most important of my life. You're the person I care the most about, and just one negative word from you would hurt me more than a thousand insults from someone else. This is why I am writing this because I know you wouldn't agree with my decision.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">I have to go away, Sander. I worked too hard to build the life I wanted to live, and you know it. I struggled to keep up with my colleagues, and I tortured myself to do better than them, and eventually, I succeeded. </span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">I haven’t mentioned it to you, because, until last week, I hadn’t the gut to take this step, and in the last few months, my life has changed its direction so many times, that I didn't really know what to do with my dreams anymore.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">I got the scholarship I applied for. The University of Sydney. Yes, Sydney in Australia. At this very moment, I am already at the airport. Don't try to stop me, please.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">I assure you, it was a deliberate decision. This isn’t coming from a hormonal shift or my illness. You can ask my therapist, she knows everything, and I gave her permission to talk to you about me if you need to be reassured by her.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Over the past few years, I've seen you create a beautiful life for yourself. When we moved to Lucas' school, you had nothing, you started from scratch, and look how far you've come! You became a fantastic, loving, talented man. Whenever you walk into a room, everyone stops to look at you, because you are bright and dazzling, just like the sun. We are just mere planets, waiting for you to shine on us, even for the briefest moment. I know you will never believe it because, in that beautiful head of yours, you see yourself not as a star, not even as the moon. You see yourself as Pluto, a bigger asteroid that has been mistaken for a planet by some heedless scientist.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">I have the strength to leave, only because I know that Robbe will always be next to you. You couldn't choose a better man to share your existence with. I know that, even if you’d break into a thousand pieces, he would be able to put you back together. </span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">I can't wait to see your whole life together, your engagement, marriage, and your five children, which I will love madly. I'll be there for all of these things, it's a promise, so don't be sad.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Regarding the other matter, which I know you are thinking about, I also took care of him. Ever since Max left, I knew, I couldn't do it alone, and that he would probably be better with someone else. Unfortunately, mom and dad are no longer together and don't want to take care of him alone. </span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">I just asked them to deal with the papers. I hope, he will be adopted soon by someone who can love him even if he carries the moon inside of him like me. </span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">I'm not fit to be a mother. I would be a burden to him, and I know this is the right choice.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">I already miss you, Sander. </span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Hug Robbe for me.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">I love you.</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4">
  <em> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Charlotte</span> </span> </em>
</p><p class="s4"> </p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Sander didn’t know when he had started to cry. He reread his sister's letter at least twenty times, to be able to understand it in its entirety.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Charlotte was gone.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">She had taken the decision to give her baby up for adoption.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">His head was spinning, he could still feel his heart running in his chest, but while he was reading that letter again for the fourteenth time, a thought had bravely made its way into his head. </span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Sander couldn't fall apart, he had to be strong.</span> </span>
</p><p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">His new life was about to begin.</span> </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Sander hadn't slept in two days.</p>
<p class="western">As he read his sister's letter over and over again, he took a decision, but he hadn’t the courage to say it out loud. He knew that, what he had to do, or rather, what he wanted to do with every inch of his body, would affect him in the long-term, but nothing and no one could convince him to do otherwise.</p>
<p class="western">Besides, he had to tell Robbe, and he didn't know how he would take it. Sander hoped, his boyfriend would choose to stick with him anyway, because, at that moment, he really couldn't imagine, how to handle any more pain, although part of himself knew how risky his sudden decision was.</p>
<p class="western">So, after his second sleepless night, he got up early to make breakfast, hoping that it wouldn’t be their last meal together, and with his heart pounding in his chest, once finished, he sat at the kitchen’s table, waiting for his boyfriend.</p>
<p class="western">"Good morning!"</p>
<p class="western">"Hey..."</p>
<p class="western">They lived together for years, but Sander still hadn't gotten used to seeing Robbe when he just woke up. He was the cutest thing in the world, all sleepy and with his hair pointing in all directions. Robbe gave him a quick kiss on the lips, <em>perhaps their last kiss</em>, Sander thought, poured himself some coffee, and sat down, completely oblivious of the Sliding Doors moment he was going through.</p>
<p class="western">"Did you sleep a little?"</p>
<p class="western">Sander shrugged, staring at a little grain of sugar on the table. He just couldn't raise his eyes. He knew he had to speak up, but the lump in his throat was preventing him to do anything at all. He hated fighting with Robbe but felt that putting that conversation off, would only make things worse.</p>
<p class="western">"I have to talk to you about something."</p>
<p class="western">He began, and the other's facial expression immediately changed, becoming alarmed, almost scared. Robbe put the cup, he was holding in his hands, on the table, and frowned in anticipation.</p>
<p class="western">“It may sound reckless to you perhaps, but I seriously thought about it, and I want to adopt Charlotte's baby."</p>
<p class="western">Robbe stared at him in the most indecipherable way. He went silent for a few minutes, motionless, frozen in the same position he had before receiving that news. Sander took his hand and Robbe lowered his eyes to look at it.</p>
<p class="western">"You want to adopt Charlotte's baby."</p>
<p class="western">He said calmly, repeating the words that had come out of Sander's mouth just a few minutes earlier. </p>
<p class="western">"And you took this decision, that will completely change your life, without consulting me, your boyfriend, with whom you always said, you wanted to spend the rest of your days."</p>
<p class="western">Sander nodded slowly, feeling guilty. He had foreseen such a reaction, and he knew he couldn't force Robbe to share his choice. But he hoped for it, after all, because sooner or later, that was how they had planned things to go. Everything was just speeding up a little.</p>
<p class="western">“I haven't taken this decision without consulting you. I read the letter and I just knew what I had to do."</p>
<p class="western">Robbe pulled his hand back and clenched it in his fist, sighing in frustration. It was all going really bad, much worse than the most horrible scenario, Sander had thought during his sleepless nights.</p>
<p class="western">“Charlotte will never let you. You have to study for your last year, you have your job. How do you plan to deal with all of this alone?"</p>
<p class="western">"Alone."</p>
<p class="western">The word slipped on his tongue, heavy and devastating like a boulder rolling down a mountain. He couldn't imagine something so evanescent would taste so bitter. Poisonous. He swallowed it, trying to stay calm, even if it was getting harder and harder. How much longer could he resist, if the first person, he was telling his decision, reacted that way.</p>
<p class="western">"I don't want to raise a child at 23."</p>
<p class="western">"And I can't leave him."</p>
<p class="western">There were so many things he wanted to say at that moment. Things that Robbe probably would’ve understood, and made him change his mind eventually.</p>
<p class="western"> </p>
<p class="western">
  <em>Even if he carries the moon...</em>
</p>
<p class="western"> </p>
<p class="western">Charlotte's words echoed in his mind like a jackhammer. To her, that sentence was probably just a romantic metaphor, but it got stuck to Sander like a clamp and didn’t want to let him go. He didn't want to let it go. Those words were the only thing that was pushing him to keep going.</p>
<p class="western">But he couldn’t speak up, he couldn’t open up to the person in front of him, without influencing him in his choice.</p>
<p class="western">Yes, Robbe would’ve understood, and maybe that was the point. Sander had to let his boyfriend's instincts take over because that was his real decision. Naked, raw, impulsive, painful, but real.</p>
<p class="western">"You’d leave me for him, though."</p>
<p class="western">Sander shook his head confidently, looking Robbe straight into his eyes for the first time during that morning. That was the only thing he had always been sure of in life.</p>
<p class="western"> </p>
<p class="western">
  <em>Never. I would never leave you. Not in this, nor in any other universe.</em>
</p>
<p class="western"> </p>
<p class="western">He wanted to say it out loud, scream it at the top of his lungs, but once again, he swallowed his words and pursed his lips.</p>
<p class="western">“I don't wanna be a father and you don't wanna let him go. The consequences are pretty obvious to me. "</p>
<p class="western"> </p>
<p class="western">
  <em>Even if you’d break into a thousand pieces, he would be able to put you back together. </em>
</p>
<p class="western"> </p>
<p class="western"> </p>
<p class="western">
  <em>Oh, you were right, my little Charlotte, but he won't be here anymore.</em>
</p>
<p class="western"> </p>
<p class="western">Sander closed his eyes, burying his face in his hands, unable to say or do anything. He felt devastated, going against himself to do what he felt was right. He wanted to stand up, hug Robbe and cry all of his tears because those weren't the things he wanted to decide at 23 years old.</p>
<p class="western">He shouldn’t have chosen whether to stay with the love of his life or raise his sister's baby.</p>
<p class="western">But he didn’t stand up, he did nothing, and Robbe for the first time didn’t try to comfort him. He didn’t come closer. He didn't stroke his shoulder, he didn't run his fingers through his hair, whispering that everything was going to be okay.</p>
<p class="western">Maybe Sander would’ve just needed to look up and see his boyfriend's watery eyes to change his mind. To make him give up, and make him retrace his steps, but sometimes the universe is mean and decides that the path you are on isn’t hard enough for you, so at that moment full of possibilities, nothing happened. Neither of them tried to take a step towards the other, not imagining how little it would take to change the fate of not just two, but three people.</p>
<p class="western">And when the silence between them became unbearable, Robbe took courage and spoke again for the last time.</p>
<p class="western">"Have a good life, Sander, and congratulations."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and kudos. <br/>You can also find me on tumbrl @ universe-n-3276</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Telling Charlotte had been as difficult as telling Robbe, and the consequences had been the same. The girl, however, took it much less elegantly, because it was still Charlotte, after all, and reacted by yelling at Sander that he was completely insane and that he should’ve immediately seen a therapist. When she learned that Robbe had left him, the screams became even louder and colorful. Charlotte eventually ended the video call, saying she didn't want anything to do with him or that story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His parents were also in shock at first, they asked him millions of questions, but then they understood and both offered to help him, glad, after all, not having to give up their first grandson, who they were already loving very much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A week after his announcement, Sander's life felt like straight out of a civil war. He had lost two of the people he loved the most, his heart was broken, and he was physically and emotionally exhausted, but in his arms, he was holding the little creature, he would spend every day with, for at least another 18 years. Despite everything, he felt deeply happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mother knocked on the door and came in, going to sit on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After breaking up with Robbe, Sander had returned to live with her and had regained possession of his old room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mother was also tired and worn out. He was teaching Sander how to take care of a newborn and so she still had to get up at night to help him. She smiled, stroking her son's back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He looks a lot like you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander nodded, placing the baby in the center of the bed, between two pillows to keep him from moving. He was looking after him day and night, and despite the few hours of sleep, because of the anxiety of being able to keep the child safe, he couldn’t complain. The baby had been quiet most of the time, and yes, it also worried him, because didn’t babies suppose to be loud and messy? Maybe he already broke him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucas said the same thing, but Charlotte and I are twins after all. It's not so strange that he looks like me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mother ran her fingers through his hair, then placed a hand on his cheek, exactly as Robbe always did. Every time he stopped to think he had lost his boyfriend, Sander felt his stomach clench and his heart skip a beat. He couldn't believe they had broken up and had taken different paths. All of his beliefs had collapsed at that moment, but despite everything, he couldn’t afford the luxury of living day by day, because now he had someone else's life in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Have you choose a name?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander shook his head. He'd been thinking about it ever since Charlotte flatly refused to name the baby. They all kept referring to him as "the child" or "the newborn". Sander felt it was time to give him a name because he was no longer just any child or baby, and never had been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And after all, he had been through, he deserved to be called in a unique way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's hard! I feel it's a huge responsibility, but I like Hero. "</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy shrugged, biting his lip. He was afraid that his mother would judge him for his unusual choice, but it sounded so good to him. It was a beautiful name and after that month and a half, in which that poor creature had been nothing to the person who should have cared for him more than for herself, it also seemed very suited. The little one had held out like a lion, and he deserved a name that gave him credit for that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mother smiled warmly and took his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew you'd choose something that would remind everyone of your love for Bowie. But I like it so much, I think it suits him already, even if he is still so small. "</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy smiled gratefully. Having his mother support was truly helping him more than anything else. He picked up Hero again, and caressed his little head gently, completely unable to stop cuddling him for more than 5 minutes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, little one? What do you think about your name, uh? "</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alice, Sander's mother, burst out laughing, fastening a couple of buttons on Hero's jumpsuit that had come undone. Then she stood up, collecting the empty bottles that were on the nightstand, from the last time Sander fed his son.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't think he can object yet."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"From now on, no one is allowed to call him </span>
  <em>
    <span>the baby</span>
  </em>
  <span> anymore."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander looked Hero in the eyes, then pressed a kiss on his forehead, and breathed in his child’s smell, which had an almost miraculous calming effect on him. He began to sing softly, rocking him in his arms, while Alice closed the door behind, leaving them alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I will be king, and you-."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped, frowning. When he sang that song to Robbe, he used to replace the word "queen" with "king", but now it just didn't feel right. That masterpiece, he decided, would become Hero's new lullaby, because he had sworn to himself to pass on to him, all of his love for Bowie, and his amazing musical taste of course. He began to sing once again, with a sweet smile on his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"And you, you will be the prince. Though nothing will drive them away."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>A month ago, Sander would’ve never imagined himself in that situation. A month ago he would’ve never imagined breaking up with Robbe, moving back to his old home, becoming a father at 23. Sometimes he felt lost as if he didn't even know what to expect the next second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Life had surprised him so many times in such a short time, that he was even frightened by the prospect of making plans. However he was still himself after all, and an infinite amount of questions started to pile up in his head inevitably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Would Robbe come back to him eventually?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What would life be like without him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Would he ever stop hurting so bad?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Would he ever stop feeling like a piece of himself was missing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn't imagine living with anybody else but Robbe. So many times in the last weeks, Sander had been very close to picking up his phone and calling him, but then he stopped because he didn't want to make things worse. He had to let Robbe start over again. Let him live his life peacefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Sander was missing him more than anything. He missed their long talk at night and the way he could open himself up with Robbe, he missed hearing the always smart thoughts of his now ex-boyfriend. He missed his kindness, his charm, he missed sharing everything with the love of his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander knew, he would never be able to feel for anyone else, what he felt for Robbe. They were soulmates, he had felt that feeling from the first moment their eyes met. It had been magnetic, exciting, dazzling. And it was still the same, every time, even after all those years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't know if soulmates were destined to end up together, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps, in their universe, they had only been allowed to be together for a few years. Perhaps, in another universe, they met at 90 years old and they only spent a few weeks together, perhaps, in another one, they met in kindergarten and had their whole life together. He felt jealous of all the Sanders that were still together with their Robbes, and he felt sorry for those who weren’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe at that moment, in that universe, he and Robbe were no longer together, but Sander still felt deep down in his bones, that their fairy tale wasn't over yet. There were still chapters to write, the most beautiful ones, indeed. Because that was not the universe in which he would let their life together be just another sad story.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"We can be heroes, just for one day."</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi!! Thanks for all the kudos and comments! You guys are the best and I love reading your opinions! We finally have the baby's name, what do you think? At first, I wanted to call him Ziggy but Hero suited him more. I'm sorry if these chapters were a bit heavy, but I swear, soon there's gonna be so much fluff you'll end up hating it lol </p><p>If you want to say hi, my tumblr is @ universe-n-3276</p><p>Thanks again :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Finally no one got mad at Sander! What do you think about uncle Lucas? I just love him. Anyways I don’t know if I’ll be able to post on Wednesday since I won’t be home until Friday.<br/>Thank you so much for all the comments and for reading this story. See you next time :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Five months had passed since Sander took one of the most important decisions of his life. It was mid-January, and the weather was still cold.  A shy sun had decided to finally appear in the sky that morning, so Sander called Lucas, dressed Hero with beanie, scarf, gloves, and a warm jacket, not without several protests from the little one. He put him into the stroller, wrapping him in a blanket like a burrito, and took his son to the park.<br/>
It wasn't the first time they went there, but he always felt like a fish out of water, surrounded by women older than himself and certainly more experienced in caring for a child, so he decided to drag along Lucas, who showed up holding two cups of steaming chocolate in his hands.</p><p>They walked together for a while, taking turns to push the stroller. Hero behaved himself most of the time. He was curious about every single thing he laid his eyes on, even if, in that case, it was just an ugly icy landscape.</p><p>Arriving at the children's playground, which was semi-deserted, they sat on a free bench, and Sander lifted Hero from the stroller, taking him in his arms.<br/>
Lucas loved spending time with the baby, which immensely surprised everyone, especially Jens, who thought he knew his boyfriend like the back of his hand. Whenever someone dared to tease him for that reason, he simply answered that Hero wasn’t like any other child.<br/>
Sander wanted to contradict him every time, thinking about how often he had to get up unwillingly at night or clean the living room wall, on which Hero had scribbled with one of his markers. He even wanted to mention the mashed potatoes that were still stuck on the kitchen ceiling from two months before, but he didn't, because after all, everyone deserved some magic.</p><p>"He grows so fast."</p><p>Lucas was playing with Hero, who was sitting on Sander's lap. The little one laughed loudly every time he saw his uncle make a face. For him, it was the funniest thing in the world, for Lucas an unnecessary injection of self-esteem.</p><p>"I was thinking about it a few days ago. He can already sit all by himself, I’m so proud of my little bean here!"</p><p>He ran his fingers through Hero's ash-blonde hair, pulling it away from his forehead. It also got longer and darker, just like the twins’ natural hair color. Their genes were truly prominent, and it showed in Hero’s whole appearance.</p><p>"I don't know if it's time that passes quickly or if my head just got stuck at six months ago."</p><p>Lucas knew that Sander was happy with the decision he had taken, and that going back, he would have made that exact same choice a million times more, but there was always a shadow of sadness in his look. The twinkle in his eyes had disappeared long before, and that alone didn't mean anything good, although the boy pretended to be fine all the time, those who knew him well, felt that something wasn’t right.</p><p>"Talk to me. Please."</p><p>Sander grimaced and shook his head, so many words were trapped in his throat. Lucas knew, that his best friend didn't like to show his emotions, especially the sad ones, so seeing him like that hurt him even more. He wished he could take some of that pain with him, to ease the torment that the other was feeling. He took his hand and squeezed it, trying to comfort his best friend, glad that Hero didn't understand what was happening, because that child, after all he had been through, deserved only happiness and joy.</p><p>"Robbe?"</p><p>Sander nodded, taking a deep breath before continuing. It was hard to talk about it, and for five months, he hadn’t mentioned what happened with his ex-boyfriend to anyone. He had kept it all inside, hoping that sorrow would disappear or at least diminish eventually. He wanted to feel better, to stop breathing underwater, to sleep an entire night without waking up and looking for Robbe, but it hadn't happened yet.</p><p>"When I chose to be Hero's dad, in another universe, I didn’t. I stayed with Robbe and my life had moved on in another direction. Do you think Sander from that universe is happy? "</p><p> </p><p>The theory of the multiverse. Lucas was shocked when he found out that Robbe also knew about it. It was so important to him, that he passed it on Sander, who started to obsess over it as well. The point was, that Lucas and Robbe had found in that theory, a way to ease the weight of a decision, to be happy in any way, or universe, in this case, but their coping mechanism was torturing Sander every day.</p><p>“I don't know, but I'm happy to live in this universe. Your courage has given us the chance to live a wonderful life with Hero, and since he arrived, I feel like we were a family.”</p><p>Lucas saw his friend's lips curl into a small smile. He lifted Hero up and gently pressed him against his chest, kissing his chubby cheek. The child chuckled happily, looking at Sander in absolute adoration. It was an incredible scene to watch because, despite everything, there was still so much love in their life.</p><p>“You are everything to him, you know that, right? You're a dad, Sander!”</p><p>"That word still sounds so weird. It makes me feel older than my father.”</p><p>Lucas laughed, stroking the baby's back. Over the years, Sander had managed to become the biggest drama queen, and that trait would surely become an integral part of his son's attitude. They just had to wait a few years to see it in its full force. It was going to be the funniest thing to witness. </p><p>"I always thought that having a relationship with a man was enough of a contraceptive. I guess I was wrong!” </p><p>Sander glared at his best friend, then narrowly dodged Hero's hand as he tried to pull his dad’s hair as usual when he wasn't getting any attention. He was six months old and was already terribly spoiled. The adults around him couldn’t do anything but shower him with affection and love. No one was able to tell him no. </p><p>“Hey mister, be careful! You don't want me to be bald at 23. Uncle Lucas instead... "</p><p>“Don't even try. Genetics is not on my side. Have you seen my father?”</p><p>Sander burst out laughing. A loud, genuine, and contagious laugh, that was able to put anyone in a good mood. Lucas hadn't heard him laugh like that in months, and at that moment, he wanted to make him laugh like that for the rest of his life.<br/>
The two of them had been through a lot. They had hated and insulted each other. They had screamed horrible things in their faces, but neither of them would ever have exchanged those memories for others with anyone else.<br/>
Lucas always told Jens that the way Sander was able to make you feel loved was something incredible. His love made you feel special, heard, seen. The lucky ones who were able to experience it, couldn’t help but become addicted to that feeling. </p><p>No one was powerful enough to give it up. That’s why, despite how things went, despite that winter was still so cold and gray, Lucas knew that Robbe would come back to Sander eventually. Winter would be over in no time and the sun would soon start to shine on all of them as it always did.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello guys! Thank you so much as always for your comments and kudos. I really love reading your opinion! Keep going please and enjoy this chapter :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hero! No! Holy ... "</p><p>Jens wanted to run as far as he could from that situation. He loved that child more than anything and he truly considered himself his uncle. Sander trusted him and, that morning, it was his turn with Hero. Everyone always offered to help Sander when he had a class. They had a nice system and everyone could bond with the baby by spending some time alone with him. Jens was used to taking care of small children. When his youngest sister was born, he had always helped his mother, and, unlike his boyfriend, he liked babies very much and had no problem in admitting it.</p><p>At that particular moment, he was trying to feed Hero, but the kid was having a lot more fun throwing the food everywhere instead of eating it. Jens didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He was feeling dirty, the table was a mess,  as his and Hero’s clothes.</p><p>When he heard the buzzer, Jens almost wanted to cry with happiness. Lucas, who probably had forgotten his keys, was about to save him, as often happened in the most various situations. He picked Hero up and buzzed his boyfriend in, leaving the door half-open, so he wouldn't have to come back again, and went to the bathroom to try and fix the mess on his own and Hero's clothes.<br/>
As he fumbled with a wet cloth, the boy heard the door shut heavily with a thud.</p><p>"I'm in the bathroom and I need help, hurry!” </p><p>He yelled at Lucas, trying to entertain Hero, who was staring at him with his huge green eyes. After a few seconds a head peeked out through the doorframe, but it wasn't who Jens expected to see.</p><p>"I thought you were Luc-"</p><p>"Shit, I didn’t know he was here, sorry."</p><p>They spoke at the same time. Robbe's eyes went wide, observing the baby in Jens's arms. He had a petrified expression on his face, and Jens wasn't sure if the other was about to faint or throw up. Maybe both.</p><p>"You can go if you want, but I really could use your help."</p><p>Robbe was hesitant, but then he decided to do what his best friends wanted. As soon as Hero saw him, he gave him a huge smile, showing the four teeth he had in his mouth. The boy froze, immediately turning his face to Jens. Maybe asking for help hadn't been his best idea. However, he couldn’t explain to himself, how anyone, especially Robbe, would remain impassive to that mini-Sander, who was smiling at him. Jens realized that there were probably many things, his best friend and he hadn’t spoken about.</p><p>"What do you want me to do?"</p><p>"You can hold him while-"</p><p>"No."</p><p>Jens blinked at Robbe's blunt answer. He didn’t want to get mad, but the other was trying to make his life more complicated. He couldn't actually be that angry with a child. </p><p>"In my room, there is a green bag with all of his stuff. Can you take one of his clean shirts and bring it to me, please? "</p><p>He tried to be as diplomatic as possible, because first of all, he needed two more hands, and secondly,  he wanted Robbe to stay and talk to him about that situation at all costs. The other nodded, disappearing shortly behind the door.</p><p>Thanks to Robbe's presence, Jens was able to fix the mess that Hero had made and to prepare a bottle of formula for the baby to drink. He knew he should try to feed him the soup, but he didn’t want to start cleaning everything all over again.<br/>
They were sitting on the sofa, Hero was drinking from the bottle, with his eyes fixed on Robbe, as if he was following his father's instructions. </p><p>"He looks just like Sander."</p><p>Robbe said, filling the silence. His gaze had softened, and his movements were visibly more relaxed. </p><p>"Is this the first time you see him after what happened?”</p><p>“You know very well that I didn’t even want to know his name until today, and the fact that Sander called him almost like a Bowie song doesn't surprise me at all. It’s actually weird that he didn't call him David or Ziggy. "</p><p>Robbe brushed lightly his fingers on Hero’s cheek, and the baby gripped one of his fingers with his little chubby hand, without taking his green eyes off of him. Every little gesture from Hero brought Robbe a little closer to Sander.</p><p>"You never told me why you didn't want to raise him together with Sander."</p><p>It was the first question he asked about that topic. Jens was naturally curious and wanted to know why his best friend ended a relationship that had lasted for years and never had a setback. It couldn't have happened just because of Hero. Becoming a father was a big responsibility but the Robbe he had known for years had never stepped back in front of a challenge, especially if someone he loved was involved.</p><p>"Thinking about that morning is a bit surreal, especially now that he is here and is the exact copy of the person I loved most. Have you ever seen a photo of Sander at his age?”</p><p>Jens shook his head and Robbe smiled, brushing Hero's hair with an absent look and a small smile on his lips.</p><p>“You wouldn't be able to tell them apart. There is nothing of Max in him, and if I didn’t know his story, I would tell you that there is also nothing of Charlotte in him. It feels like he came straight out of one of my daydreams about the future. I always wanted to raise a mini Sander."</p><p>"So?"</p><p>Jens was confused by the turn that conversation had taken, and he couldn't wait patiently for his best friend to get to the whole point of that story, exactly like a child who listens to a tale and wants to get to the best part right away.</p><p>“And then that morning everything went wrong. How Sander asked it to me, as if it were something that concerned him alone, did nothing but increase my doubts. He could have asked me in a thousand other ways and right now things would be completely different. But no, he said, “I decided this and I will never change my mind”. I felt overwhelmed and left out. I couldn't be with Sander who was raising a child on his own, and who didn't think I was fit enough to make parenting decisions."</p><p>“I think you just didn't understand each other. And the fact that you guys stopped talking instead of trying to make some clarity, certainly didn’t make things better. If I have learned something from my relationship with Lucas, it is that to make things work, you have to talk, explain your reasons, without waiting for the other to guess what’s on your mind, because no one can read thoughts, no matter how well they know you. "</p><p>Robbe shrugged and nodded. Jens wasn't into deep talks, but being with Lucas had helped him to grow up and not be afraid to express his feelings with words. Sometimes it was necessary to put aside all the jokes and laughter and talk about things that mattered.</p><p>“When Sander and I broke up, we forgot everything we had learned about each other during our time together, probably because we were so hurt that we focused on how to manage the pain, instead of thinking that none of us wanted to end our relationship. Now it's too late."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Jens frowned. After that speech, he was ready to lock Sander and Robbe in a room until they put their shit together.</p><p>“I have a date tonight. A colleague of mine introduced me to his brother. He seems nice."</p><p>Jens’ world suddenly collapsed as if they were talking about his relationship. Hero, Robbe, and Sander were a family, they always were and they were destined to be. Forever. What had been happening for seven months was all extremely wrong and only getting worse. </p><p>Maybe luck was no longer on their side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Robbe wasn't alone after all! What do you think about him meeting Hero after all that time? Prepare yourself for the next chapter...</p><p>You can find me on tumblr @ universe-n-3276 and on Twitter @ nonfatmocha </p><p>See you next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lucas and Jens were holding hands, walking toward a new place that Jens had discovered a few weeks ago, thanks to his classmates.</p><p>He was so excited about it, that he had told everyone about it, even his mother, probably. </p><p>That evening he had managed to drag his boyfriend with him, who had somehow persuaded Sander to tag along. But then again, Lucas could sell ice to the Eskimos, if he wanted to.</p><p>Since Jens slipped in front of him that Robbe had started dating again, Sander's mood had become darker than usual, and it certainly wasn't doing him any good. Lucas was worried about his best friend, and therefore he convinced him to take an evening off from parenting, despite Sander claiming, that Hero was the only one, that was still making him happy. As soon as the babysitter arrived, the three were out of the house, before Sander could change his mind for the hundredth time in just five minutes.</p><p>“You can still kiss in front of me. I won’t get depressed. Although, Jens, since you are the one who has to kiss Lucas..."</p><p>Lucas rolled his eyes, pretending to be offended by that remark. He was happy that, despite everything, his best friend still managed to be at least a little himself.</p><p>“Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny."</p><p>"I told you he would notice."</p><p>As for PDAs, Lucas and Jens were second only to Robbe and Sander. Not seeing them kissing, for more than two minutes, would have made anyone suspicious. In this case, even Sander who had his head somewhere else.</p><p>Arriving at the club, which wasn’t far from the building, where Jens had most of the classes, Sander and Lucas immediately understood why he was so enthusiastic about it. It was full of musical instruments, some were rare and had belonged to famous artists, others simply had unusual shapes or colors. The place was built on three levels, each of them was divided into two more rooms, which had different musical genre as a theme. Jens was studying sound technology and wasn’t at all as picky as Sander in terms of music, so he explained to the others, that depending on his mood, he always chose a different room, and that he had never been disappointed before.</p><p>Since he could be considered an expert on the subject, Sander and Lucas let him choose the room for the evening. Jens thought about it for a few seconds and then invited them to follow him.</p><p>"I want you to wear a shirt with my face on it when you come here without me."</p><p>The chosen place was the one dedicated to the LGBTQ + community and it was beautiful, colorful, and fun. Full of prints dedicated to films, musicals, or artists who had made the movement’s history. The speakers were blasting "I'm coming out" by Diana Ross and Sander was suddenly feeling great. He took Lucas's hand and spun him around, making him laugh.</p><p>“I'm going to get some beers.”</p><p>Jens gave Lucas a quick peck on the lips and walked to the bar. The place was quite busy because it was Friday night after all, however, finding a table was easier then they thought.</p><p>"How about that– shitshitshitshitshit."</p><p>Sander frowned, looking at his best friend, who had suddenly turned around and was still cursing under his breath.</p><p>"Luc, what the..."</p><p>Then he understood.</p><p> </p><p>Robbe was sitting near one of the tables they had eyed and he wasn't alone.</p><p>Sander turned his back quickly, as Lucas peered in the previous direction.</p><p>“He saw us. He's waving. What the hell? Why is he waving? I'm gonna go there and make a scene."</p><p>It was like if everything was going at the speed of light around him, as he stood still in the middle of that room, unable to make any move. He should have tried to stop Lucas, who was taking the matter personally. He and Robbe had become friends over the years, but apparently, the friction had never been completely forgotten, at least by his best friend. Luckily, Jens’s arrival was able to bring Sander back to the present moment, and Lucas and his anger weren’t his problems anymore.</p><p>“Look! It's Robbe! I'm glad he came here to see this place as I told him."</p><p>"YOU WHAT? I WANTED TO CHILL WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND YOU INVITED HIS EX?”</p><p>"I didn’t invite him."</p><p>Jens looked extremely sorry, even though it wasn’t his fault. When the universe wanted to rage against someone, there was nothing one could do, except stay in the midst of the hurricane and hope to get as little harm as possible.</p><p>"It's fine. Let’s go there and just say hi. "</p><p>"I'm gonna go there just to bitch-slap him."</p><p>"Easy-peasy, tiger."</p><p>"Jens. I swear. If you call me tiger once again in public...”</p><p>Sander took a beer from Jens' hands and swallowed half of it in one sip. He was trying to prepare himself for the moment he was carefully avoiding for months.</p><p>He walked with his head held high towards Robbe and waved at him, trying to smile in the most relaxed and genuine way.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>He heard Jens and Lucas’ voices greet him as well. His best friend's hand slipped into his and squeezed it. Sander couldn't be more grateful to him now.</p><p>"Hi, guys!"</p><p>Robbe was tense and Sander could tell it from the way he was scratching his arm. It was something he always did when he was nervous, and Sander hated himself for still noticing it.</p><p>"Noah, those are my best friend Jens and his boyfriend Lucas, and he is Sander my ex."</p><p>
  <em> That’s what death by a thousand cuts feels like. </em>
</p><p>He found himself thinking while listening to the words "my ex". And it's funny how the human brain works because if you’d asked him, Sander would have sworn to you that he had never listened to Taylor Swift in his entire life, and yet the lyrics from that song got unconsciously stuck in his head, and they were the first thought that came into his mind at that moment.</p><p>He was hurting very badly, thus he tried to shift his attention to Robbe's new boyfriend, to distract himself. Noah was tall, with black hair, dark eyes, and full lips. He looked like Jens' cheap imitation, and it made Sander lose his mind because he thought Robbe's crush for his best friend was just something that belonged to the past. Instead, his type looked more like Jens than him. How great.</p><p>“Oooh! That Sander? The one with the baby?”</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>He felt the strong urge to roll his eyes because now that Noah had opened his mouth, a single sentence was enough for him to sound like a perfect idiot. Sander swallowed the rest of his beer, immediately wanting another one. There was no way he could get over that night, being completely sober.</p><p>"That’s so cool, man! I love babies."</p><p>"I don't. I just love Hero, my son."</p><p>"You called him Hero? Duuude! You're a savage."</p><p>That was the cue he was waiting for to end the conversation. One thing was to be the idiot Robbe was dating, another was to hear him talk about Hero in that way.</p><p>“Okay. I'm out. I’ll go grab another beer.”</p><p>He was ready to walk away as fast as he could when he felt a feather-light hand rest on his shoulder. He could recognize that touch anywhere, feeling his body being drawn to it almost like a magnet, and start craving for more. So much more.</p><p>"You know you shouldn't drink. It fuck up with your-”</p><p>"It fucks up with your what? Are you still taking-"</p><p>Like a beautiful, fragile bubble that suddenly bursts, the peace that Robbe's touch had restored inside of him was abruptly cut off, making him feel something new. Anger. He turned back to face him, his gaze was sharp, his jaw clenched. It was again just the two of them, in a silent conversation, but this time, it was completely different from the many they had in the past. There was no need to express his thoughts out loud.</p><p>Not if Robbe was involved.</p><p>And it was over.</p><p>He didn't care about Lucas, Jens, Robbe, or that whole damned place.</p><p>He just wanted to leave.</p><p>Disappear.</p><p>“Sander wait! I'm sorry!"</p><p>Sander felt suffocated. He had never been so angry. Robbe had just told everyone he was still taking his anxiety medication. It was something only his parents and Robbe knew. He didn't think that the deep trust he had in Robbe should have vanished the moment they broke up. Sander thought that the other would always stay the same, but perhaps he had idealized him from the beginning. Robbe had talked about Hero to Noah, the first asshole who stopped by, and who knows how many other secrets he had revealed. Sander had entrusted him with his greatest fears and desires, trusting him blindly. He felt nauseated, angry, and sad. That evening had been a huge mistake from the beginning and now he just wanted to drink until he passed out. He wished to forget everything, his problems, and himself.</p><p>Then something made him focus on Hero, just as the bartender asked him what he wanted to drink.</p><p>"Water, please."</p><p>The thought of Hero brought him back to earth. He couldn't let himself go. He couldn't go home completely wasted and not be able to take care of himself and his baby. He had to keep himself stable, lucid, healthy for him. Sander realized at that moment, that despite everything, somehow, Hero’s presence was taking care of him. It was preventing him from drowning into the sadness and despair of having lost the love of his life. He had kept taking his medications, eating healthy, studying and attending classes, only thanks to that tiny angel, who was saving him every day.</p><p>He closed his eyes and breathed in the cold air outside the club.</p><p>He drank from the bottle he had just bought and started walking home, hoping to clear his mind.</p><p>Once he arrived at his house and dismissed the babysitter, he immediately made his way to Charlotte's old room, that he had turned into Hero’s bedroom. Sander had changed the color of the walls and drawn animals everywhere. The only trace of his sister, he hadn’t been able to erase was the poem by Rupi Kaur written on the wall with a black marker.</p><p>Seeing Hero asleep in his crib gave him the usual peaceful feeling. He stroked his hair, touching his cheek with his fingers.</p><p>Just a year ago, he saw Charlotte's belly grow and wondered how his sister would raise that baby, and yet, at that moment, Hero was his everything. He clung to him and his presence as the only thing that was keeping him sane. Most of the time it was easy, but tonight, after seeing Robbe in someone else's arms, everything had become more difficult. He didn’t even know how he hadn’t started screaming in the middle of the club. He felt like he was dying inside when Robbe introduced him as "my ex" because Sander couldn't think of introducing Robbe to someone without calling him "the love of my life”, “my soulmate”, “my boyfriend”, “my fiancè”, “my husband”. This was how he had always imagined it, the way things had to go, and he knew that no one would ever make him feel how he had felt all those years with him, so there was no point in trying.</p><p>The fact that it wasn't the same for Robbe had surprised him. He'd always thought their feelings were equal, with no differences, but maybe Sander loved Robbe differently, maybe he'd always been alone on that journey and Robbe was just someone he'd walked with.</p><p>His thoughts were going to a dangerous place and he had to stop them. He had to focus on the present.</p><p>Luckily, his little angel clenched his fists in his sleep, and Sander smiled because he was the most adorable thing in the world. He wanted to wake him up and hold him in his arm. Watch him sleep all night.</p><p>Then, suddenly, someone rang the bell.</p><p>It was late.</p><p>His mother wasn’t in town.</p><p>Maybe the babysitter had forgotten something.</p><p>He stood up and took the baby monitor, closing the door to Hero's room behind him.</p><p>They rang a second time.</p><p>Whoever it was had to be in a hurry.</p><p>"I’m coming, just a second."</p><p>He turned the key in the lock, finally opening the door, just to find himself face to face with the features of someone he knew too well.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Soooo! Who's at the door?<br/>Could be Charlotte, could be Robbe, could be Lucas, Jens, another new character.<br/>What do you think? Let me know!</p><p>As always thank you for all your kudos and comments.<br/>See you next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"For fuck's sake, Robbe. Go home."</p><p>When he opened the door to find himself facing his ex-boyfriend, who was looking at him with a distraught expression on his face, Sander's eyes widened in surprise.<br/>
He'd imagined that scene every night and every day since they broke up, but he had stopped hoping to see it come true long before. Especially after what had happened just a few hours earlier.</p><p>"Sander, please."<br/>
"Let me just be mad at you for once."<br/>
"No. We need to talk. "<br/>
"I don't wanna talk. I just wanna spend the night thinking about my miserable life."</p><p>Sander tried to close the door. He would have never, in a million years, pictured himself being able to do so, but the anger he hadn’t managed to get over yet, was making him regain the courage, that he no longer believed he had. He didn't think he was capable to protect his heart anymore, but after all, he was succeeding. He felt proud of himself. He could feel the fire, he always had inside of him, starting to burn again.</p><p>Robbe was faster and pushed his small body against the door, to stop Sander from doing anything. He was determined and wouldn’t give up easily.</p><p>“Stop with this crap, Sander! It's your fault if you're still in this situation."<br/>
"I'm not talking about my son with you."<br/>
“Hero was supposed to be our son! But you just cut me out from the beginning. Why can't you see that?"</p><p>Robbe's voice was now echoing everywhere. It was late and he’d have soon wake the neighbors up. They had never fought like that, but none of them seemed ready to drop the subject. Sander wanted to take Robbe somewhere else, but he couldn't go out, since Hero was sleeping in his bedroom, so he grabbed his ex-boyfriend by the arm, and pulled him inside the apartment, closing the door behind him.</p><p>"You didn't want him."</p><p>He said eventually in a softer tone, both because he didn’t want to wake Hero up, and because somehow, Robbe's words had already managed to scratch the wall, he had tried to build around himself in those previous months.</p><p>"You didn’t ask. You told me "I'm gonna do that", and yes, I was scared, but you didn’t even try to figure things out with me. You just walked away."</p><p>And there it was, the truth he had been trying to avoid for months. What he had buried deep inside his heart. The reason he hadn't told anyone about what had happened that damned morning of September. Robbe was throwing it in his face, and it hurt like a slap. Sander was the one who pushed away the only person, with whom he wanted to share what he was experiencing. He had completely shut out the one he needed most, just because he feared Robbe would reject him.<br/>
But then, he remembered what had happened in the club that same evening, and how he had felt betrayed by the same person, who was standing in front of him at that moment, and blinding anger rose from his stomach again, ready to invade every inch of his body.</p><p>"Maybe it was the right decision after all."<br/>
"What are you talking about?"</p><p>"You're not my Robbe. The one I saw tonight, the one who told everyone about my meds, and about my son. Who the hell are you?"</p><p>He spat the last sentence as if it were poison, and felt the blood boil in his veins. Sander was deeply convinced of what he was saying until he saw Robbe's eyes being filled with tears, and his lower lip trembled slightly, as he tried to gather all the strength he had left, to articulate those few words that followed.</p><p>"I'm still your Robbe."</p><p>At that point, all of Sander's defenses collapsed, and almost in an automatic gesture, he found himself holding the love of his life in his arms. It was like starting to breathe again. As if time had never passed.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I didn't wanna make you cry, baby."<br/>
"Sander, don't ever think again that this isn't a nightmare for me as much as it is for you. I miss you, and then a couple of weeks ago I saw Hero and he was a mini-you!"</p><p>Sander smiled, as he hadn't done for months now. A sincere and beautiful smile and Robbe understood that he could no longer go on without it and him, all of him. Being all that time without Sander was the most difficult thing he had ever faced. Raising a child would be tough, but never as hard as living without his own personal sunshine.</p><p>"You should see him in his Bowie shirt."</p><p>He lifted Robbe up in his arm and carried him into the living room, then he sat on the couch, making the other stay on his lap, and Robbe mechanically locked his arms around the other’s neck. Sander wanted to look him up close, to see if every little detail of his beautiful face was where he remembered it. Both of them couldn’t loosen the embrace, intoxicated by each other's presence and by the euphoria of being together again. But some things still needed to be discussed, so Robbe continued talking, gently caressing Sander's cheek.</p><p>"Why you didn't want me to raise Hero with you?"<br/>
"I don’t know, I guess, I knew it was a lot, and I didn’t wanna drag you in this."</p><p>Sweet Sander. Selfless, caring, loving Sander, who was ready to sacrifice it all for his loved ones. Stubborn, stoic Sander. His biggest flaw has always been to think he knew what was best for everyone around him. Robbe had tried with all of himself to make him understand that he couldn’t choose for whom was next to him, even if it meant seeing them suffer.</p><p>"Me and you, we were a family. To raise a child is a lot, and you’re right, but at least if you hadn’t pushed me away, you wouldn’t be alone, and it would have been just a half of a lot."<br/>
"I know it was a stupid thing to do, but at that time it just seemed right."<br/>
"You took away my right to choose, and also the first eight months with our son."</p><p>Robbe's voice sounded like a daydream, and Sander frowned because, despite hearing the other's words perfectly, he couldn't believe he wasn't simply imagining them.</p><p>"Our son? It means..."<br/>
“Yeah. I'm all the way in, Sander. If you’ll let me."<br/>
"Of course. Of course, I’ll let you, baby. "<br/>
"Can you kiss me now?"</p><p>Sander smiled and brushed Robbe's nose with his own. He pressed his lips first on one cheekbone, then on the other, then on the jaw, cheeks, and chin. Robbe let him do whatever he wanted, enjoying that touch, his body had craved for too long. When their lips finally met, everything began to move quickly and like two magnets that enter each other's field, every inch of distance between them was irreparably closed. On Robbe's body, there was only Sander’s and on Sander's only Robbe’s.</p><p>They say that the universe splits every time someone makes a choice, creating a new copy of itself, where that person experiences the exact opposite of what they have picked before.<br/>
But at that moment, however, the universe number 3276 remained completely untouched in its perfect cosmic balance.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sooooooo! They're finally back together and I'm so happy! From now on there's gonna be a lot of fluff, so be prepared!<br/>Sorry if I hadn't answered your comments but I didn't want to say anything compromising! As always thank you so much for reading this story. Let me know what you think about this chapter :) &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter takes place the same evening/night as the previous one. There is a very very very unexplicit smut scene, that I used as a plot device but you are free to skip it! See you at the end!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Robbe and Sander spent the whole night talking, cuddling, kissing, laughing, and making love. They were both afraid that the other would disappear at any moment, and that what they were experiencing was just a beautiful dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both of them had missed everything about the other. The way their bodies seemed to be made to fit together. Their smell. The warmth of their skin, the sound of the other’s voice, the whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robbe was lying on his belly, enjoying the kisses that Sander was leaving along his spine. He hadn't stopped adoring him for just a second. He wondered how the other could be so tireless, but he was far from complaining. How his boyfriend made him feel as if he were the most precious being in the universe, was one of the sensations to which, at the beginning of their relationship, he had struggled to get used to, but now he was completely addicted to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes and sighed, they had been talking for hours, but only at that moment, he seemed to reach such intimacy, that he could freely ask the question he had in his mind for so long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why did you want to adopt him?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander stopped himself immediately, listening to Robbe’s words. He brushed his lips lightly on his boyfriend's skin for a bit as if to collect his thoughts and then went to lie down next to him, not before leaving the last kiss on his soft bare skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Charlotte in that letter wrote “I hope, he will be adopted soon by someone who can love him even if he carries the moon inside of him like me” and that sentence got stuck in my head."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robbe ran his fingers through Sander's hair, but remained silent, waiting to hear him go on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If he is bipolar, and you know there is this possibility, there would be so many variables at stake. No one could have assured me that he would end up in a family that could have helped him. What if he wouldn't be adopted and had to take care of himself on his own? "</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped, covering his face with both hands and Robbe held him in his arms, kissing his forehead. Trying to comfort him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can't even think about it without feeling bad. I reflected on all these things and adopting him was the only thing I could do. There was no other option. "</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You could have told me these things that morning."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You would have stayed."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robbe took his boyfriend's face in his hands and looked him in the eye in a very serious way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sander, I'm here now and yes, I would have stayed that morning too, if you had told me what was going on in that beautiful head of yours back then. That way we would both have saved ourselves from eight shitty months, and I would have seen Hero grow. Instead, now, I only have photos and not real memories. Stop being so stubborn and convince yourself that the two of us are in this now and forever."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm sorry, but I was making sure that you actually wanted it. It would have been worse if you had stayed at the beginning, and then watching you leave a few months later because you changed your mind. I can live with the idea that you will always hate me a little bit because you couldn't see him grow if I know you won't leave."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stayed silent, trying to weigh all the words they had just heard. Robbe understood Sander's point of view perfectly, but deep in his heart, he hoped to be able to forgive him eventually.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was dawn when the first light of day began to enter through the half-closed window. Sander was laying between Robbe's legs, his head on the other’s chest. He was carefully observing his boyfriend's naked body. He reached out to his leg and ran his fingers over the hickeys he had left on the inner thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had filled Robbe's body with marks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was one inside the wrist, several on the hipbones, around the nipples, on the neck. He was sure he had left a bite on the left shoulder blade, and several other hickeys on his spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn't help himself. Not after seeing Robbe with another man the night before. His possessiveness had come out altogether, and he had felt the need to reclaim what had always belonged to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Proud of yourself?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With his ear pressed against his lover’s chest, Sander heard Robbe's voice echoing throughout his ribcage. It was good to finally feel him so close again. Hear his heart beating. He knew that sound so well, he was sure he could recognize it among other thousand. There were so many times over the years that he had fallen asleep lulled by it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sorry, I didn't ask if it was okay for you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander looked up at Robbe. He suddenly seemed so young and unsure. A different person than the one who was on top of him, inside of him, until a few moments before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Relax, baby. I love them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robbe replied, running two fingers over Sander’s lips and pushing them into his mouth. Immediately he began to suck them, looking at his boyfriend in the eyes and leaving him completely breathless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You look like a sin."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slipped his fingers out of his mouth and kissed him with such intensity right away, that, despite the soreness, he felt a newly found energy flowing through his body like an electric bolt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wanna go again."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, me too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander reversed their positions in one smooth motion, and now Robbe was on top of him. He sat up, dragging the other on his lap, who, in an automatic gesture, tied his legs around his waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They began to kiss, and it didn't take long for the room to be filled only with the sound of their moans again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander held Robbe a little tighter than necessary and continued to lick, suck and bite his boyfriend's pale skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn't last long, but it was so intense that Sander didn't just physically freed himself but emotionally as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He buried his face in Robbe's neck and began to sob, while the other whispered sweet words in his ear, kissing every inch of skin he could reach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been eight months since the day Charlotte predicted in her letter his breakdown, but only at that moment, he felt free to do so. He was in the arms of the only person who knew him so well that was able to put back in the right place every smallest fragment of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stayed in that position until completely exhausted, they both let themselves be overcome by a deep and peaceful sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, they weren’t allowed to rest for long, because a few hours later, the baby monitor on the bedside table signaled that someone in the house, besides Robbe, required Sander's presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sorry, baby, go back to sleep."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had tried to slip out of Robbe's embrace without waking him up, but they were so intertwined that all of his efforts were proven unsuccessful right away. He pressed his lips to his boyfriend’s forehead, who was looking at him with the eyes of a sleepy doe. Sander ran his fingers through his hair and kissed him on the lips. He wanted to stay in that bed forever but duty was calling, so he put on a clean pair of boxers and sweatpants. He threw a last glance at Robbe, who meanwhile had crouched against the pillow, and left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hero was awake, sitting in his crib, pouting, with his hair all ruffled by the pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Papa."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good morning to you too, Hero! Have you slept well?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander smiled and picked him up. The child immediately snuggled against his chest, and he thought he had never felt happier in his life. He had spent an amazing night together with the love of his life and now, he was holding his baby in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he enjoyed that newly found happiness, he felt two arms wrap around him from behind and his smile widened even more. He wanted to pinch himself because that couldn't possibly be his actual life. Robbe gave him a light kiss on the shoulder and stood on his toes to be able to look at Hero.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, baby!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hero smiled, and buried his face in Sander’s chest, suddenly feeling shy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You two already met, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robbe nodded without taking his eyes off the baby. Sander was so good with him. Everything seemed to come naturally to him, but after all, he had always been a giver, who took care of his loved ones with all of himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He slept all night, he's such a good kid already."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, right? I'm really lucky."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We are really lucky."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Those words sounded sweeter and lovelier than all the </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love yous</span>
  </em>
  <span> they had ever said to each other because they meant so much more. They meant that Robbe was sure of his choice. He wanted to be with him and be a parent to Hero. They meant love and family. They meant forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander turned in his boyfriend's hug and looked at him with watery eyes, trying to convey to him everything he was feeling at that moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put his hand on Robbe's cheek, who leaned against it and mimicked "I love you" without ever looking away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Papa!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander rolled his eyes, laughing, and ran his fingers through Hero's hair. If his life would look like that for the rest of his days, he could definitely get used to it.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so so so happy that these two are back together! I love writing their scene! Thank you so much to everyone who is reading this story, commenting and leaving kudos! You guys are so precious &lt;3<br/>Let me know what you think as always and see you next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="userstuff module">
  <p>Lucas knew his boyfriend better than himself. He could tell what he was feeling even from his smallest, most imperceptible facial expression. He had always liked to observe people, almost obsessively. He and Jens had been together since they were 16, so he'd learned to read him pretty well, and it was mutual. Whenever Lucas had a problem, Jens always understood before him what it was, and he knew perfectly well what to say and what to do to make his boyfriend feel better.</p>
  <p>For some months, however, things between them hadn’t been going as well as in the past. Lucas was worried about Sander, Hero, university and his relationship with Jens remained at the bottom of the list, most of the time, because Jens had been there for seven years, and Lucas was sure he wouldn't move, even if he wanted to kick him out of his life.</p>
  <p>Jens, unlike Lucas, after Sander and Robbe’s break up, had chosen not to take sides. Robbe was his best friend, but Sander and Hero were now part of his family, and he wanted to be there for them. Besides, he had never known how things had gone between them, and he didn’t feel right to him to automatically choose one or the other.</p>
  <p>After the disastrous ending of the night before, in which Sander, after seeing Robbe, had run off the club, Jens had to drag his boyfriend away, who was determined to face Robbe. Lucas then went on all night, repeating how much Robbe had the gut to create all that mess, in addition to what he had already done months ago.</p>
  <p>By that time, Jens and Lucas had almost arrived at Sander's home. Their friend hadn't returned any text or phone calls. Both of them were very worried, so when Lucas had proposed to go and check if he was okay, Jens had gladly accepted, but, after another of his boyfriend’s rant against Robbe, he could no longer control himself and rolled his eyes, completely bored.<br/>
Lucas noticed it right away, obviously.</p>
  <p>"What?"<br/>
"It's nothing. Drop it. "<br/>
"Jens, please."</p>
  <p>Jens didn't want to fight, not at that moment at least, not while there were already so many things at stake. Despite everything, he knew how frail Lucas was and didn't want to overwhelm him, but the way he was asking, reminded him of the sweet guy he'd fallen in love with, and he couldn't deny him an answer.</p>
  <p>"It's just. I don't like the way you talk about Robbe. We don't know how things went, and you can't just assume he's the bad guy. I know him since forever and- "<br/>
"You can't be serious."</p>
  <p>And he was back. The monster that had possessed Lucas was moving him like a puppet again. Jens wondered if he would ever leave. If the love of his life would ever be that funny, bright, sweet person and not that hysterical, furious monster, always ready to attack. Luckily, Sander opened the door and stopped his self-destructive train of thought.<br/>
He had dark circles under his eyes, and looked more tired than usual, with his hair out of place, but he had a strange, serene smile on his face, which was completely unexpected, after watching him flee the club the night before.</p>
  <p>"Thank goodness, you're not dead."<br/>
"What? Hi Jens. "<br/>
"Hi. And Sorry. "</p>
  <p>Lucas catapulted himself into Sander's house like a cannonball, pushing him to one side, and Jens followed him, a little awkwardly. Sander seemed to be fine, but now he wanted to make sure Hero was too.</p>
  <p>"Why are you not answering your phone then? You disappeared yesterday after we saw Robbe. "<br/>
"Uhm, my battery died, and I was busy."<br/>
"Is Hero okay?"<br/>
"Yeah, yeah, he's okay, but, um."<br/>
"Sander, what the hell is going on?"<br/>
"Hi."</p>
  <p>Robbe came out of the nursery with Hero in his arms. He was wearing Sander's sweatpants and hoodie. It was clear that they had spent the night together. He had a timid smile on his face.<br/>
Jens saw Lucas stiffen and change expression, so he decided to try to tone immediately down the situation, going to greet Hero, hoping that the child’s presence would also work as a calming agent on his boyfriend.</p>
  <p>"Hey, look who's here! Hi Robbe!"</p>
  <p>Hero chuckled in the cutest way, but unfortunately, Lucas was way too pissed to mind about the baby.</p>
  <p>"Sander are you insane? Why is he here? "<br/>
"Lucas, can you please stop talking like that about Robbe?"<br/>
"No, I can't! Not after what he did to you and Hero."<br/>
"So you didn't tell him."</p>
  <p>Sander shook his head and approached Robbe as if he wanted to speak only with him. They were back, exactly as before, with their eloquent looks and their little bubble, where no one could get into.</p>
  <p>"I didn’t tell anything to anyone. What happened that morning is between you and me only."</p>
  <p>He said in a tone so calm and sweet that it almost seemed like a love confession. Robbe smiled softly and caressed his cheek. Then Sander turned to Lucas with the expression of a lion who is defending his partner and added:</p>
  <p>"And Lucas I get that you’re angry, but it wasn’t Robbe’s fault, and I will no longer accept hearing you talk about him in this way, clear?"<br/>
"Yeah, sure, whatever."</p>
  <p>Lucas shrugged, looking at the floor. It wasn't many times that Sander would raise his voice, but when he did, no one dared to argue, not even Lucas.<br/>
Silence fell in the room, and it was tense and precarious, so Robbe who couldn’t bear quarrels and tensions, tried to take a step forward to relieve the tension furthermore.</p>
  <p>"I'm happy to see you stand for Sander in such a fierce way. You're a good friend. "<br/>
"I don't give a fu-"<br/>
“LUCAS, CAN YOU JUST STOP? THERE IS A BABY HERE. "</p>
  <p>And at that point, Jens exploded, and perhaps that was exactly what he should have done for a long time because he immediately saw his boyfriend's expression changed as if he were realizing for the first time what he was doing. He looked at Hero, Jens, Sander, and Robbe and blinked a couple of times.</p>
  <p>“Sorry. I don't know what’s going on with me. "<br/>
"Okay, I'll make some tea so we can all calm down a bit."</p>
  <p>Sander approached his best friend and squeezed his shoulder, giving him a reassuring little smile, and then walked to the kitchen.<br/>
Lucas came closer to Hero who was still in Robbe's arms and took his tiny hand, squeezing it, then looking up at the boy.</p>
  <p>“Can I hold him? It helps me to relax."</p>
  <p>Robbe smiled and was about to hand him the baby when Jens intervened.</p>
  <p>“Not yet. You have to behave yourself for at least five minutes straight."</p>
  <p>Lucas pouted, looking at Jens, who promptly kissed his lips and put an arm over his shoulders.</p>
  <p>"Let's go sit in the living room while we wait for Sander to come back, okay?"</p>
  <p>They all sat on the carpet around the coffee table. Robbe was still holding Hero, who was watching everyone with great interest. Jens brushed his finger gently on his cheek, making him smile.</p>
  <p>"I'm sorry about early. I'm happy you guys are back together. He needs you. "<br/>
"And I need him. That's mutual. "<br/>
"I know, I always knew, but I was trying to protect him."</p>
  <p>Jens ran his fingers through Lucas's hair, kissing his forehead, and Robbe was sure he would hear him purr at any moment. Now that he was back in his normal state, Lucas loved receiving Jens' attention, and his boyfriend was always happy to give it to him. They sat even closer.</p>
  <p>"Okay, you can hold him."<br/>
"Finally. Come here to uncle Lucas! "</p>
  <p>He clapped his hands happily and reached for Robbe to take Hero. At that moment, Sander's hoodie slid slightly up along the boy's arm, leaving the skin of his wrist uncovered. Jens suddenly saw something that made him frown.</p>
  <p>"Robbe, what’s on your wrist? Is that a bruise? Have you guys fought? "<br/>
"Wha- oh."</p>
  <p>When Robbe realized what Jens was referring to, he blushed furiously, pulling the sleeve over his fingers, totally unable to look his best friend in the eye.</p>
  <p>"Did Sander hit you?"<br/>
"Jens, shut up, that's not..."</p>
  <p>Lucas closed his boyfriend's mouth and promptly whispered something in his ear, which made change his expression again, from worried to embarrassed.</p>
  <p>"Oh. Um, congrats? "<br/>
"Congrats on what?"</p>
  <p>Sander reappeared with a tray in his hand, and Hero called him happily, making everyone smile. The boy placed the tray on the table, and put a mug in front of Lucas, taking Hero in his arms, going to sit next to Robbe, who snuggled beside him, touching the tip of Hero's nose with a finger.</p>
  <p>"A chamomile for Lucas."</p>
  <p>Lucas stuck out his tongue, but gladly accepted the cup that was in front of him. Maybe it would do him good to start a life without caffeine.</p>
  <p>"Jens just congratulate with us for our sex marathon."<br/>
"Did you tell him?"<br/>
"No, he saw my wrist and thought we fought."<br/>
"I'm glad you haven't seen the rest of his body then."</p>
  <p>Robbe buried his face in his boyfriend’s neck, groaning, and Jens almost choked on his tea, while Sander laughed along with Hero and Lucas.<br/>
It was nice to be all together again, the atmosphere was light, and everyone was happy to have found each other again. Months earlier Lucas had confessed to Sander that since Hero was with them, he had truly felt like they all were a family, but at that moment, with his son in his arms, the love of his life by his side, sitting on a carpet with their best friends, Sander could finally admit that for the first time, he was feeling in that exact same way.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter wasn't planned. I had this idea while reading your comments, so thank you! I hope it turned out good eventually. Again thanks for your lovely comments and kudos. Can't wait to read your opinions on this.<br/>See you next time &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There's a little smut part at the beginning of the chapter, but you can skip it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Sunday, the last day of the best weekend Robbe and Sander had spent in months. It was strange how those months apart had appeared so long to both of them, but now that they were together again, it seemed like not a day had passed. They hadn’t forgotten each other’s habits. How they liked to sleep, how much sugar they wanted in their coffee, who was the big spoon, who’s the little.<br/>After putting Hero to sleep, they decided to take a bath, together, of course, because since their reunion on Friday night, they hadn’t been able to stay away from one another, not even for a few seconds. So, while Sander finished washing the dishes in the kitchen, Robbe started to run a bath. He filled the bathtub and made sure to put enough soap to form some bubbles. He took off his clothes and was about to slip into the water, when Sander walked in the bathroom and hugged him from behind, pressing his lips to his neck, making him shiver.</p><p>"Hi."<br/><br/>Robbe smiled, enjoying that soft contact. He tilted his head a little, and Sander took it as an invitation to continue what he had just started.</p><p>"Are you happy to see me or is there something in your pocket?"</p><p>Sander stifled a laugh against his boyfriend's skin.</p><p>"I don't have pockets."</p><p>They made love there, in the bathroom. Robbe was slightly bent forward while holding the sink with his hands. The sounds he was making, Sander thought he had never heard anything more beautiful, more arousing. They were his favorite thing in the world.</p><p>After that, they both got into the tub. Sander was sitting between Robbe's legs. His head resting on his boyfriend's shoulder, eyes closed, while Robbe played with his hair, kissing his face sweetly and delicately, in total contrast to what had happened a few minutes earlier. It was beautiful, comforting, familiar.</p><p>"How long it will take for him to start to see me as his parent?"<br/>"I don't think he knows what a parent is."<br/>"But he knows you are his papa."<br/>"Because everyone keeps referring me as “papa” in front of him."<br/>"Hmhm."</p><p>Sander knew Robbe would have started asking questions like that eventually, and he felt guilty for denying him his relationship with Hero for so long, but he was also sure that ultimately, those eight months, for Hero, had been meaningless, in the bigger picture.</p><p>"Look, I haven't read books about babies, but in my experience, I think he feels safer with me because I'm the one who spends more time with him. But I swear, I’ll do everything I can to make him feel safe with you as well. At that point, he will see you as his dad."<br/>"So you're papa and I'm dad?"<br/>“Yeah, of course. Come here."</p><p>He turned his face and pressed his lips to his boyfriend's, slipping a hand through his hair and cupping his head, to make him come closer. They kept going like that, kissing languidly for a while. Neither of them had yet made the slightest attempt to grab soap or shampoo to wash themselves, and the water was now starting to get cold.</p><p>"I have to go back to my flatshare tomorrow."<br/>"Why?"<br/>"Because I live there and I can’t go to classes wearing your clothes."<br/>"I thought you wanted to do this parenting thing with me."<br/>"I do."<br/>"So stay. Move in with me here."</p><p>There were still so many things to discuss, and they both knew it, but they had made sure to put all the talks aside and take that weekend just to heal their relationship and love each other, without a single worry in their mind.</p><p>"And your mom?"<br/>“My mom lives with her boyfriend and comes here when I need some help with Hero. It will be only the two of us and our little one, of course. Please say yes. There’s no rent to pay and my parents take care of the financial stuff since they didn’t want me to leave uni to look after the baby."</p><p>Sander knew how to make something sound good, but that proposal would have been tempting even if it was just him and Hero on the plate.</p><p>"I want to say yes."<br/>"Look, baby, it won’t be easy as it was before, because dealing with Hero can be stressful, but I promise I will take care of him when you have to study, or you just don’t wanna him around. And there’s a spare room if you need your space. "<br/>“I would never let you take care of him alone. We're in thins together now. Remember? "<br/>“Yeah, I do. So is that a yes? "<br/>"Yes."</p><p><br/>Robbe managed to make his way into Hero and Sander's routine. It wasn't always easy, sometimes Hero would cry in the middle of the night when Robbe had to wake up early for a class in the morning. When he had to study for an exam, he felt guilty leaving Sander to take care of the baby alone, but, at the end of the day, the happiness he was feeling, outweighed those moments of despair. He started to think how stupid he had been, for letting all those months pass, before coming back to the love of his life and their son.</p><p>For once, Robbe didn't feel guilty about accepting the help of Sander's parents, and whenever he could call a babysitter for Hero, he felt very lucky.<br/>Growing fond of Hero hadn't been difficult. After the first few days together, the joyful, warm, and radiant manners of the baby had managed to break through Robbe’s heart, who often found himself wishing he could be with his baby, when he had to be the whole day at university instead. He couldn't wait to go home and spend time together.</p><p>The chemistry with Sander came back automatically. From the first moment, it was like picking up exactly where they left off. Sander knew exactly how to read Robbe and it was mutual. It was like sharing emotions and thoughts. Robbe felt the need to give all of himself for their relationship and promised himself never to take the other for granted. Not after realizing how precious the way Sander loved him was.</p><p><br/>It had been over a month since Robbe had moved in with Sander, and they had started their life together again. By now, he knew Hero, and that morning there was something wrong with him. He had lost the happiness that distinguished him, he was nervous and whiny.</p><p>"He doesn't want to eat, I even tried to give him a bottle of formula but he pushed that away too."</p><p>The two boys looked into each other's eyes, both were very worried. Sander took Hero from Robbe's arms and placed his cheek against his forehead.</p><p>“I think he has a fever. Can you take the baby thermometer?"</p><p>They took Hero's temperature and when they found out that it was indeed way above the norm, Sander started to panic.</p><p>“We should have known sooner. We have to take him to the hospital right away."<br/>“Baby, calm down. I’ll call his doctor while you try to make him drink some water, okay?"</p><p>Sander took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to regain some of the rationality he had lost. Robbe knew that at times like that, he had to take the lead and give him a list of tasks to do so that he could focus on the present moment. He went into the kitchen, cuddling the baby, trying to carry out the instructions he had received from his boyfriend.</p><p>After a few minutes, Robbe joined them again and gently stroked Hero's back, who was leaning against Sander's chest, pouting with his eyes full of tears.</p><p>“The doctor said we should try to take him under the shower with one of us for at least 15 minutes. He said we should use lukewarm water, and added that he will probably cry and scream a lot."<br/>"Shoot. Is that the only option?"<br/>"Not really. We could give him paracetamol, but the doctor said we should try the shower first since he's so little."</p><p>Robbe kissed Sander's cheek and rested his forehead on his shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist.</p><p>"It's gonna be fine, Sander."<br/>"I hate this situation. I just want him to feel better."<br/>“I know, baby. I’ll shower with him if it’s too much for you."<br/>"No, I think he’d feel safer with me."<br/>"Yeah, I was thinking the same."<br/>"Okay, let's do it."</p><p>As the doctor told them, Hero started to scream as soon as he felt the first drops of water roll down on him. Sander kept his shirt on and Hero had his little romper on as well because Sander feared he would otherwise slip out of his hands. The child was crying, screaming, and struggling, so much more than the two boys had expected. It seemed they were torturing him, but they both knew that the hospital would be even more traumatic. Sander and Hero both looked in pain, and the baby kept trying to reach for Robbe every minute. When his boyfriend bowed his head, Robbe knew he was close to the tears.</p><p>"Baby, don't cry, it's for his best."<br/>"I know but seeing him in this way just breaks my heart."</p><p>"Two more minutes and it’s over, c’mon."</p><p>He wanted to get in the shower and hug them both but they had a plan and according to it, he couldn’t get wet.<br/>When the timer they set up warned them that the time was finally up, Robbe grabbed a big fluffy towel and took Hero from Sander’s arms, trying to comfort him, showering him with all the kisses.<br/>Sander turned off the water and got rid of his soaked clothes, wrapping himself in his bathrobe.</p><p>"He's gonna hate me for the rest of his life."<br/>"That’s not true, and you know it. At least now that he wants to stay with me, you can get some rest."<br/>"Yeah, I definitely could use it."</p><p>Robbe took Hero into the nursery and kept cuddling him, whispering sweet words to him.</p><p>"You're such a brave boy. Let's dry you up and put on some clean pajamas, alright?"</p><p>The baby was so exhausted from screaming and crying so much in the shower, that he fell asleep while Robbe was dressing him. He sat down on the rocking chair that was in the nursery and kept holding him against his chest until Hero's breathing became more regular.</p><p>He did not know at what point he had fallen asleep, but when he reopened his eyes, the room was dark, and the only light in it, came from the small lightning bolt-shaped lamp that Sander had hung on the wall. He felt a hand caressing his cheek, realizing that his boyfriend was at his side and that he was whispering something.</p><p>"What?"<br/>"I said hi, baby."<br/>"Hi."</p><p>He smiled, and kissed Sander's lips, feeling so much calmer than before.</p><p>"I think he's better."<br/>"Yeah, he woke up a couple of times, he took some milk with crumbled biscuits in it, and then fell asleep again."<br/>"And his temperature?"<br/>"It was back to normal so the shower worked."<br/>"I'm so happy to hear it. Wanna switch?"<br/>"No, that's okay. I love feeling him sleeping so peacefully on my chest."<br/>"At least come to our bed, or you won't be able to stand up tomorrow."</p><p>Sander helped him to his feet and guided him to their room. Robbe felt so tired he barely understood what he was doing, so he was happy to be able to count on his boyfriend. Sander arranged some pillows so that Robbe could stay seated to keep Hero on his chest. Shortly after getting into the right position, he closed his eyes again and went back into a deep sleep.</p><p>When he regained consciousness, it was late morning, and the room was bathed in daylight again. He turned his face and saw his boyfriend's eyes staring at him, a stupid smile on his lips that didn't quite match the way he was feeling at that moment. Every inch of his skin hurt and his head was about to explode. He wondered if Hero had felt the same way.</p><p>"Good morning, beautiful."<br/>"Hmm, I feel like shit."<br/>"Ow. Let me just..."</p><p>Sander pressed his lips to his forehead, and Robbe fought the urge to push him away. When he was sick he just wanted to be left alone.</p><p>“Yeah. You're burning."<br/>"Fuck. Everything hurts. Where's Hero? "<br/>"He's in the other room with my mom, and he's great!"<br/>"I'm happy to hear it. Now go away."<br/>"Why? You're the worst patient."<br/>"Shut up, you took a cold shower and I get a fever? I hate you."</p><p>He pulled the blanket over his head to hide and slid onto the mattress, curling up. Obviously, Sander didn’t let him go, in fact, he felt his boyfriend come closer and try to hug him as he could, leaving little kisses on the blanket.</p><p>"You're kissing my butt."<br/>“You know I love it. And so do you!"</p><p>Robbe uncovered himself again, coming face to face with his boyfriend, giving him a death glare.</p><p>"I want to punch that stupid expression out off your face."</p><p>Sander laughed out loud and Robbe's head began to throb even more. He closed his eyes and remained silent, trying to calm down, when someone knocked on the door.</p><p>"Yes, come on in, mom."</p><p>Sander's mom walked into their room, holding Hero in her arms. He looked better, and Robbe was a little relieved. He had gotten sick, but at least it was worth it, and he would have done it again thousands of times, just to get the same outcome.</p><p>"Guys, guess who ate all his food?"<br/>"Hi, Alice!"<br/>"Hi, sweetheart!"<br/>"Robbe’s a fever."<br/>“Ow, no! Poor thing!"</p><p>Hero saw his dads and stretched out his little hands to reach them, but Alice kissed his cheek and smiled quietly.</p><p>"No, baby Hero, you can't go with them. Your daddy is sick."<br/>"But I wanna hold him."<br/>"You need some more rest, baby. Mom, can you help me make some soup for Robbe."<br/>“Sure! Say nighty night to your daddy, Hero! "</p><p>Alice waved her hand to Robbe and Hero did the same. Sander gave his boyfriend a kiss on his forehead and the three of them left, so the boy was finally able to rest. Robbe closed his eyes, turning on his side. It was the first time that Hero got sick and there would be many more. When he saw the baby cry and suffer so much, he just wanted with all his heart to take his pain away and make him feel better. For the first time, perhaps, he understood what being a parent meant.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I promised you all the fluff and I hope you're not getting tired of it! Robbe and Hero are so cute and I love writing them together. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think!<br/>And as always thank you for all your love, kudos, comments, and for reading the chapter.<br/>See you next time &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hiii! We're back! "</p><p>"I'm in the kitchen!"</p><p>Alice picked Hero up from the stroller and went straight to Robbe. The final exams were approaching and both boys were spending most of their time studying at home or at the university. Sander was often in his atelier at the Academie to finish up his projects, so Hero spent his time with his grandparents or with the babysitter. That day, Alice had offered to take him for a walk in the park, while Robbe had stayed home on the books.</p><p>"Hi!"</p><p>"What’s smelling so good?"</p><p>“Hey, little bean! I missed you so much!"</p><p>Robbe took Hero in his arms and kissed his cheek. He felt so guilty because he couldn't take care of him these days and it was the same for Sander, but they both knew they were doing this for him and their family. Graduating with good grades would have guaranteed a better future for all of them. Besides, it was almost summer, and they would have much more time to spend together.</p><p>"I'm making lasagna. Do you wanna join us for dinner?"</p><p>"I’d love to, but I have a work dinner tonight."</p><p>"Next time, then."</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>Alice smiled, watching Robbe sit down with Hero on his lap and starting to take off the small Ramones sweatshirt he was wearing. In such a short time, the boy she had seen grow up, had turned into a loving man and father. It seemed to come naturally to him, as if he had been predestined to be the father of that child, just like Sander.</p><p>"You're such a good dad."</p><p>"Thanks but I'm still learning. Sometimes it seems like I'm doing all wrong."</p><p>"That’s normal when you have kids, sweetheart. And you're still so young! When I had the twins, I was way older than you, and it was something I planned with my ex-husband for so long. Still, life likes surprises and ended up giving us two babies instead of just one. And I felt exactly like you."</p><p>"Sander is my favorite person in the world, so, to me, you did a pretty good job with him."</p><p>“Thanks! I'm so proud of him, he turned out to be such a wonderful human being. Both of my children are."</p><p>The boy couldn’t hold back the annoyed expression that painted his face. During the month everyone had begged Charlotte to try to be a mother, Sander and Robbe had talked a lot about how her behavior was extremely wrong and deplorable in their eyes. Not because she didn't want to be a parent, but because of the way she was acting toward that poor child. She refused to look at him, to touch him, or hold him. Then Hero had become their son and the feeling they felt towards the girl had strengthened, because after all, that torture had been inflicted on the person they both loved so much. Alice noticed Robbe's expression and smiled because it was not difficult to put herself in his shoes, she was also a mother, after all.</p><p>"I know you think Charlotte did something awful to Hero, but I'm proud of her because she dared to take a step back, and stand up for herself."</p><p>"Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, I was scared of being a parent at 23, but now I couldn’t imagine my life being any different. Hero and Sander are my everything."</p><p>"You guys are such a nice little family, and thanks to you and Sander, I have the chance to be a grandmother to my little Hero here."</p><p>When the sound of the key turning in the lock reached the kitchen, Hero clapped his hands happily, already knowing, that was the signal that heralded his papa’s arrival.</p><p>"I'm home!"</p><p>“Hi, baby! We're in the kitchen!"</p><p>“Hi, ma! Thanks for taking care of Hero today."</p><p>"Don't mention it, honey. I'm happy to help. Now I have to go, see you next time."</p><p>They all greeted Alice, and as soon as they were alone, Sander ruffled Hero's hair, then kissed Robbe softly, and he finally felt at home. Calmer, more relaxed, more himself, wrapped in the love that was so vivid between those walls. He couldn’t help but smile while his lips were still pressed to his boyfriend’s.</p><p>"Hi."</p><p>"I made lasagna!"</p><p>"Now I'm scared."</p><p>At that comment, Robbe playfully pushed Sander away, and looking him in the eye, he mouthed an unmistakable "fuck off", making Sander laugh out loud, but also Hero, who was always amused to see his parents bicker in that way.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>During an evening, when all of them miraculously managed to take a break from studying, Sander and Robbe invited Jens and Lucas over for dinner.</p><p>That small meeting was supposed to be held in their friends' apartment, but Hero and his energy took up the space of ten elephants, so they opted to stay at their home.</p><p>At that moment, Hero was sitting on Lucas's lap, watching, completely captured, the people around him.</p><p>"I've been waiting for the moment when he will call me <em>uncle</em> since he was born."</p><p>Everyone laughed and Jens looked at his boyfriend with so much love in his eyes, that Robbe was sure, if they weren't both still busy with college, he would have asked Lucas to marry him long ago.</p><p>"When are you giving me another nephew, though?"</p><p>Robbe frowned as if Lucas had suddenly grown another head and Sander laughed, taking another sip of the only beer he had decided to drink that evening.</p><p>"At this point, if we were straight, I’d tell you that we’re using protection again, but that’s not quite the case."</p><p>"So you got tested?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>They answered in unison. Sander was still calm, Robbe was already completely embarrassed. He didn't understand why Lucas wanted to go through that topic. The wine he was drinking was probably already starting to kick in, destroying his brain-mouth filter.</p><p>"What? Why?"</p><p>"I hadn't sex with anyone while we were separated."</p><p>"I wasn't talking about you."</p><p>Robbe was trying so hard not to get involved into that conversation and he was throwing awkward looks at Jens, begging him to find a way to change the subject, but when the room became silent and he saw everyone's eyes on him, he understood that he had been called into question.</p><p>"Ow. Sander is still my first and only."</p><p>"What? He must be really good if you didn’t feel the need to be with anyone else. Even just out of curiosity. I mean, in my experience the Driesens are pretty passionate lovers, so I get that."</p><p>“Lucas, I love you, but just shut up. That big mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble one of these days."</p><p>"That’s exactly what you told me last night when I was giving you-"</p><p>"Oh, my."</p><p>Jens buried in his face in his hands, continuing to mutter incomprehensible words, while Lucas had a Cheshire cat grin on his face and was stroking his boyfriend’s back. Then the conversation somehow shifted back to less embarrassing topics, as Sander got up and went to get their takeout at the door.</p><p>"Did he already called you <em>dad </em>?"</p><p>Robbe shook his head. That was a very sensitive subject for him. Two months had passed, and despite Hero already calling Sander <em>papa </em>and Alice <em>oma</em>, he seemed unwilling to call Robbe <em>dad</em>. This had started an endless series of thoughts on how Hero would never see him as a parent, and often he and Sander had ended up arguing, because, after all, it was Sander’s fault, if they had broken up.</p><p>Sander, who was holding three bags in his hands, had picked up the conversation. The way his boyfriend reacted made him feel bad, but he was convinced that Hero would say that magical word in a few days, also because, whenever Robbe wasn’t around, he tried to make Hero repeat it until they were both exhausted. He walked over to Robbe and pressed a kiss on his temple, before setting the containers with the food on the table and going to sit next to Lucas.</p><p>"It will happen soon, don't get down on yourself."</p><p>Sander was immensely grateful for Jens' words and was Robbe too because smiled at him. Hero, who was still sitting on Lucas's lap, caught Sander's gaze and called his name to make sure he had his attention, then pointed his little grabby hands in Robbe's direction, causing an endless series of “aaaaaw”.</p><p>“You haven't seen me for a week and you want to go with your dad? Thanks, I'll remember it, when you’ll ask me to drink together your first beer!"</p><p>At Lucas' huffy comment, everyone burst out laughing and Robbe walked over to pick up Hero, leaving him a kiss on his head. The baby’s gesture only served to confirm Sander's theory. He just needed to say that word, to complete the puzzle.</p><p>"You are his favorite!"</p><p>Jens said, turning to his best friend.</p><p>“Hey, did you really have doubts about it? He has my genes after all."</p><p> </p><p>After dinner, Hero fell asleep in Sander's arms, who promptly carried him to bed, and the conversation became more intimate and serious.</p><p>"What will you do if Charlotte wanted to get Hero back?"</p><p>At Jens's question, Sander stiffened and clenched his jaw. That was something he had struggled with since he decided to become a father, both because he couldn't forgive his sister for how she treated Hero and because the twins hadn't spoken to each other for nearly a year now, and it had never happened before.</p><p>“My mother is Hero's legal guardian because here in Belgium you have to be at least 25 to adopt. I will use this year to find a job so that I can officially adopt him and Charlotte won’t be able to do anything about it. If she comes back sooner, I won't let her take him away. Robbe and I raised him. We are his parents. She is nothing to him."</p><p>His words were harsh, sharp, and angry. Robbe knew that Sander would fight hard to keep Hero with them. They had already talked about it before, but his tone never changed. Always so raw and emotional. Robbe put a hand on his boyfriend's back, starting to draw circles with it, to try to calm him down.</p><p>They had agreed, that once they were married, Robbe would legally adopt Hero, but also about the fact that everything should evolve naturally in that direction, without the need to push things due to bureaucratic issues. It was enough for Sander that Robbe felt as emotionally attached to Hero as any parent. He didn't need papers to prove it.</p><p>"However, she doesn't seem willing to do anything like that, or to get back to this side of the world."</p><p>"As if she had never done anything impulsive."</p><p>Sander knew that Lucas and Charlotte were still in contact and that nothing could break their bond. It didn't seem right to him that his best friend wasn't taking his side, also because he knew very well that he had loved Hero since day one. Maybe Lucas was good at not messing with his feelings and emotions. Or maybe he had simply learned to manage those things.</p><p>"The anger you’re feeling has made you forget that wanting to give Hero up for adoption was the only selfish thing your sister did during her life. She would never take him away from you. Trust me."</p><p> </p><p>And perhaps Lucas was right, yet his words couldn’t erase the weird feeling that Sander was experiencing in his stomach for months.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry about the delay. I wasn't mentally in the right place to write and every time I tried to put something on the page it ended up in a huge fight between the characters and I didn't want that. I hope this one is decent. Sorry if it's not. As always thanks for all the comments and kudos. If you want to read something specific in the next chapter let me know. See you next time &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">The mornings when both of them had nothing to do, and Hero decided to sleep a little longer than usual, were the best. Sander and Robbe used to lay lazily in bed, and at times like that, it almost seemed like nothing had changed. There were only the two of them, in their little bubble of love.<br/>
Although, that day there was something different because when Robbe woke up, he found the other side of the bed empty. The baby monitor on the bedside table was showing Hero still asleep peacefully in his crib.<br/>
Robbe waited 20 minutes alone, clutching Sander's pillow in his arms and breathing in his boyfriend’s smell. It had always a calming effect on him. When he didn't see Sander come back, he decided to get up to check what had happened.<br/>
He found his boyfriend sitting at the kitchen table, a glass full of water placed in front of him, his head buried in his hands.</p><p class="western">That scene made Robbe shiver, reminding him of something so painful that it was marked with fire into his memory.<br/>
<br/>
"You're giving me war flashbacks."<br/>
<br/>
At the sound of his boyfriend's voice, Sander uncovered his face and gave him a small smile. He looked tired, exactly like the last time Robbe had found him in that very same state. He felt his heart beating faster and faster, but he tried to look as calm as possible.<br/>
<br/>
"Sorry, cutie."<br/>
<br/>
He walked closer to his boyfriend because he refused to reenact that awful morning again, he couldn’t relive it step by step. He wanted to change the things he should have done differently at that time.</p><p class="western">Sander made room for him to sit on his lap, which calmed him a little. Robbe pressed his lips to his temple, moving the hair that fell awkwardly over his forehead.<br/>
<br/>
"Talk to me."<br/>
<br/>
He whispered, looping his arms around Sander’s neck, and leaving a kiss on his cheek. He had always hated seeing his boyfriend like that. The way thoughts were able to hurt him, as if they were real, tangible knives. Sander didn’t show himself so vulnerable in front of anyone. He exposed himself to the only person in the world, who was able to heal his wounds.<br/>
<br/>
“I once told you that without Charlotte I wouldn't be able to survive, remember? Now, when I think about her, I don't even know how I feel. I'm afraid she'll come back here, just to take Hero away from us. I'm angry because of what she did to our son, and because I didn't think my sister was capable of being so cruel, but I miss her. We have never been apart for so long, and at the same time I don't wanna see her again."<br/>
<br/>
Robbe sighed, trying to weigh Sander's words. He should have suspected to see some repercussions, after what they talked about the previous evening with their friends. He always tended to return obsessively to his thoughts. His boyfriend wasn't able to let them go until he had looked at them from every angle, at least a hundred times. Sometimes, however, he was trapped by them and was no longer able to get out of that loop, that was being created by his head. He needed help, and over the years, Robbe had learned what to say, and how to behave, to guide Sander out of his mind. He had to ground him again. To take him back to the present moment.<br/>
<br/>
“You can't live in fear that something bad happens, my love. I remember of that time, after you came back from a session with your therapist, when you told me, that the only thing we have control over is the present. You liked that concept. We have to try to spend every day in the best way we can. If and when something happens, we will act as we have already established. You know your parents are both on our side. They won't let anyone take Hero away from us. He is our baby."<br/>
<br/>
Robbe rested his forehead on Sander's and sighed, caressing his cheek softly. They both closed their eyes, enjoying each other’s presence. Something was reassuring in knowing that you can be vulnerable, and let yourself go, without being judged in any way.<br/>
<br/>
"Don't worry, ok?"<br/>
<br/>
Sander nodded, wrapping his arms around Robbe's waist, who kissed him on the lips, trying to convey all the affection he was capable of, through that gesture. When they heard Hero crying from his room, they both sighed at the same time, bursting into a little laugh. Robbe stood up and smiled, taking his boyfriend's hand to help him up.<br/>
<br/>
"Fuck, I wanted to spend some time alone with you."<br/>
"The next time you want to spiral in the kitchen at 8 am, think about it."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
And then, it happened unexpectedly, on the same morning that started with an empty bed. Because when you live the moments, you will always remember, you don't even realize it.<br/>
<br/>
In the end, Sander and Robbe had still decided to spend the day together in bed, relaxing, even if they were no longer alone. So after having breakfast, and having taken care of Hero’s needs, they went back to bed, taking their baby with them.<br/>
He was growing so quickly, that they were both sure, he would walk in no time. They didn't know whether to be more excited or scared. The house had already been secured since the day he started crawling, but they didn't know what to expect.<br/>
<br/>
Robbe ran his fingers through Hero's blond hair, immediately earning a huge smile. He was more and more like Sander and this made his heart tremble. He didn't know he could feel so much love for a human being.<br/>
<br/>
"He needs a haircut, or a scrunchie to tie back the locks that always fall on his face."<br/>
“I don't want to cut his hair. They are so beautiful, and I'm also afraid he would get scared!"<br/>
<br/>
Hero was sat between his parents, playing with his pacifier, but when Sander took him in his arms to hold him, the child stretched out his hands, trying to grab Robbe.<br/>
<br/>
"No, papa! Dad!"<br/>
<br/>
At that point the boys froze, looking into each other's eyes, both incredulous, but Sander's gaze immediately softened, seeing his boyfriend's teary eyes. He let Hero go to his dad and pressed his lips against Robbe’s temple, trying to comfort him.<br/>
<br/>
"At least, tell me that you are crying because you are happy, and not because you have suddenly realized, that this is all too much for you."<br/>
<br/>
Robbe shook his head, hugging Hero, then took his hand, which was so small and chubby compared to his own. He snuggled to Sander’s chest, who kept holding him.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
“I can't believe I almost didn't experience all of this. I felt deep anger towards him because he had taken you away from me, and when I saw him for the first time at Jens's flat, I couldn't even look at him, but he smiled at me, as he did five minutes ago. I treated him so badly. I will never forgive myself."<br/>
<br/>
Robbe was now shedding copious tears from his eyes. It hurt Sander to see him like that because he knew, it was partly his fault. Maybe, if he had talked to his boyfriend differently, months ago, and hadn't tried to push him away, everything would have worked out well that damned morning of September. He wiped Robbe's tears and brushed his nose on his cheek, holding him tightly in his arms.<br/>
<br/>
“You reminded me just this morning, that we only have the present moment. We cannot feel bad about what happened in the past or about what we believe will happen in the future. Hero doesn't care about what happened months ago, because now you're here, and you love him so much. He knows it, or he wouldn't have called you dad. To him, you are his dad as I am. Although, I'm pretty sure he prefers you."<br/>
<br/>
The last sentence made Robbe smile. He snuggled even closer to his boyfriend, while Hero was sucking his pacifier, looking at them with his big green eyes.<br/>
<br/>
"You have to swear that when he grows up, you won't tell him I cried when he called me dad for the first time."<br/>
<br/>
"You know I love you, but this will be one of those stories that will be passed down to our grandchildren, baby."<br/>
<br/>
Robbe took Hero in his arms again, feeling a little lighter. In his heart, he had told himself thousand times that it was just a word, and that it had nothing to do with the bond between him and his baby, but being called dad, made him feel as if finally everything was going the right way. As if the last piece had been added to the puzzle.<br/>
<br/>
What he didn't suspect was that Sander had other plans to come full circle.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hero did it! I'm so happy! Also, so much fluff! I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am.<br/>Thanks for your lovely comments and kudos, and for reading this chapter.<br/>As always, if you want to see something in the next part, let me know!<br/>See you next time! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>!!!!IMPORTANT!!!!!!<br/>For those of you who haven't read my previous au, I'd like to mention that in this universe, Noor and Sander had a brief relationship during high school.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Robbe was the first of the gang to finish his exams. It wasn’t a surprise, since he had always been the nerd of the group. He hadn't skipped a day in high school and had never been late, even when Sander tried hard to get him to stay in bed for <em>just another five minutes</em>. </p><p class="western">He finally had more free time and could focus on Hero. He wanted to make up for the months they hadn’t spend together, somehow. </p><p class="western">Now that the weather had become milder, they stayed outside most of their time. Robbe liked going to the park, pushing Hero on the swing, and hearing him laugh out loud every time.</p><p class="western">He had started to make him try new foods, and he loved to take pictures of all of the baby’s reactions. The kid was curious and tasted everything without thinking twice, sometimes being pleasantly satisfied, other times regretting it immediately, making such funny faces that made Sander and Robbe laugh until they were out of breath.</p><p class="western">He was having the most beautiful experience of his life, and sharing it with Sander made everything incredibly more wonderful.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It was the night before Sander's last exam. An art history exam that made him worried, because he had failed it twice already. He had a hard time remembering dates and names, plus his professor was terribly meticulous (he was “<em>a bitch who needs to get laid, for fuck’s sake</em>” to use Sander’s own words). Robbe had tried to make things easier for him by taking Hero out of the house and leaving him alone to study.</p><p class="western">That afternoon, after returning from their walk, Robbe had feed Hero, bathed, and put him to sleep a little earlier, to help his boyfriend to revise.</p><p class="western">Sander had answered all of Robbe’s questions without even thinking about it for a second, and when they were done it was almost midnight, so Robbe decided to go to bed, and wait for his boyfriend, while he checked the last pages of his notes.</p><p class="western">Unfortunately taking care of a baby was pretty tiring, and Robbe fell asleep a few minutes after laying his head on the pillow. When the boy opened his eyes again, he didn't think he had slept for long because the other side of the bed was still empty and uncomfortably cold. He picked up the phone to check the time and was shocked to discover it was already 1:57 am. Robbe decided to get up, thinking that the stupid routine of going around the house at the most unlikely times, to look for his boyfriend, who should have been asleep next to him instead, was starting to get on his nerves.</p><p class="western">The hallway lights were still on, so it wasn't hard to spot Sander right away, still in the room where he left him a few hours earlier. His head was bent over his books, with notes in hands.</p><p class="western">"What are you still doing here? It's 2 am!"</p><p class="western">"Couldn't sleep."</p><p class="western">"Have you at least tried? Are you still revising for your exam?"</p><p class="western">"I just can't remember all these stupid dates and names!"</p><p class="western">“Sander, you do! You know everything!"</p><p class="western">"I don't!"</p><p class="western">Sander replied in an altered and frustrated tone, regretting it immediately, and Robbe could see the emotions change quickly on his face. He approached his boyfriend and placed his hands on his shoulders, massaging them to try to relax him. He was tense, tired, almost on the verge of exhaustion and all this wouldn’t have helped him the next morning. Sander needed to rest immediately.</p><p class="western">"Baby, did you take your sleeping pill?"</p><p class="western">"No."</p><p class="western">"Why?"</p><p class="western">"What if I’ll fall asleep during my exam because of it?"</p><p class="western">"You won’t, you’re taking the minimum dosage just to help you fall asleep when you are supposed to. You know that."</p><p class="western">"Yes, but what if this time my brain reacts differently and I do fall asleep in class? Or what if I oversleep because I don't hear the alarm?"</p><p class="western">"You sleep next to me, I’ll wake you up, I promise."</p><p class="western">Robbe reached down to kiss Sander's shoulder and wrapped his arms around her neck, tilting his head to rest it against his boyfriend's. He was tired and wanted to drag Sander to bed without much explanation, just like you do with a child, but he knew that those weren't whims and that his boyfriend was struggling to look at things rationally. Sometimes being with him was hard, but the moments of pure joy far outweighed those of despair. Sander was worth everything.</p><p class="western">"Sander, talk to me."</p><p class="western">"I'm so scared to fail once again. I'll let everyone down."</p><p class="western">There you go. There was always something deeper under the surface. He just needed to be patient to find it out.</p><p class="western">“Hear me out. You won’t fail again, and if you do it’s okay, you’ll try again in a few months, none of us will be disappointed! The school doesn't define who you are."</p><p class="western">"I know, but-"</p><p class="western">"Baby, you're giving yourself a panic attack. You trust me, right? "</p><p class="western">"Yes."</p><p class="western">"So breathe normally. Take that pill and come to bed with me, so I can make you relax a bit."</p><p class="western">"I like this plan."</p><p class="western">"I know you do. And I'll put an alarm on my phone as well."</p><p class="western">"I love you."</p><p class="western">“I love you too.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Sander had struggled with his sleeping schedule since he was a teenager. Robbe had known this from the first few times they had slept together. He had always been the last to fall asleep and the first to wake up. When he started taking anxiety meds, his therapist also prescribed him sleeping pills, but then when Hero arrived, he had begged his doctor to reduced the dosage, because he was afraid not to hear the baby cry during the night. </p><p class="western">He just needed something to help calm his thoughts enough to make him fall asleep. The problems arose when he was particularly restless. Such a low dosage was no longer able to help him.</p><p class="western">Robbe knew very well the only way to relax Sander.</p><p class="western">Physical contact and intimacy, in his best days, had managed to make him fall asleep without meds, so at that moment, they were both naked, Robbe was lying on his tummy, while Sander was resting his head on his boyfriend’s back, drawing invisible lines, dragging his index finger on Robbe’s porcelain skin. His breathing had become slower and more regular, and although Robbe couldn't see them, due to his position, he was sure his eyes were almost closed.</p><p class="western">"You have such a nice butt. It's perfect."</p><p class="western">His voice was low and deep, but that comment made Robbe giggle. You never knew what to expect from Sander when he was like that. His mouth-brain filter was completely gone and he’d say aloud anything that jumped into his mind.</p><p class="western">"Thanks, babe."</p><p class="western">Robbe smiled, turning onto his back and taking Sander's hand to pull him closer. He promptly snuggled to his chest. He was adorable. Robbe could have cuddled him for hours, but they were both sleepy now, thankfully. He kissed Sander’s temple and slipped his hands through his hair, twisting the dark locks around his fingers absentmindedly.</p><p class="western">"I'm so happy you're mine."</p><p class="western">"Me too, angel."</p><p class="western">Sander had his eyes completely closed now, but he was smiling blissfully. Robbe just wanted to take his face in his hands and kiss him until he was out of breath. Every day he loved his boyfriend a little more. Sander pressed his lips against Robbe's neck, letting out a relaxed sigh, before resting the head on the other’s chest again and closing his eyes.</p><p class="western">"Good night, Robin."</p><p class="western">"Good night, Sander."</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Now that Sander no longer had platinum blonde hair, it was slightly more difficult to spot him among the students who were hanging out in front of the Academie. Hero was whimpering because he was getting tired of waiting in the stroller, so Robbe picked him up and kissed his cheek, trying to wipe the adorable pout off of his face.</p><p class="western">"I know you're bored, but this is an important day for papa and we have to support him."</p><p class="western">"Papa."</p><p class="western">Hero repeated, raising his hand and pointing in front of himself. Robbe looked in the same direction, just to see his boyfriend leaving the building along with Noor, his ex. They seemed to be very close, by the way, they behaved around each other. She was stroking his shoulder and he seemed comfortable with that gesture.</p><p class="western">Robbe knew he didn't have to be jealous, since he and Sander were raising Hero together, however, he couldn’t help but let that feeling arise within himself.</p><p class="western">"Look, it's Hero! He grew up so much! You never bring him here anymore."</p><p class="western">Sander took the baby from Robbe's arms, gave him a small smile, and turned back to Noor.</p><p class="western">"Yeah, now I have someone who takes care of him when I can’t."</p><p class="western">"He's so cute, though. Just like his papa!"</p><p class="western">The girl took Hero's hand and he shyly hid his face in Sander's chest, while Robbe watched the scene like a passer-by.</p><p class="western">That looked like a real picture of a happy family.</p><p class="western">There was something about it that made it seem deeply right in his eyes. Perhaps the fact that Noor and Sander were both breathtakingly beautiful, or perhaps the fact that they had the same interests and style. They seemed made for each other.</p><p class="western">Robbe pondered for a second to leave, but Sander and the girl kissed each other goodbye on the cheek, and she crossed the street to get into the art supplies shop opposite to the Academie.</p><p class="western">“Hey. I didn’t know you guys were coming."</p><p class="western">"Am I your fucking babysitter?"</p><p class="western">"Don't swear in front of the baby."</p><p class="western">"<em>I have someone who takes care of him</em>? Seriously? You didn’t even say hello to me. You just took <em>your</em> son and went back to talk to her. Fuck you, Sander."</p><p class="western">“Robbe. I told you not to swear in front of <em>our</em> baby.”</p><p class="western">Sander repeated, raising his voice, and putting particular emphasis on the word <em>our</em>.</p><p class="western">Hero, seeing his parents arguing like that, began to cry and Robbe's first instinct was to comfort him, but seeing the furious look on Sander's face, only made him feel angrier and angrier. He had no right to look at him like that, not after treating him as if he wasn't Hero's father as well.</p><p class="western">He began to walk away when he heard the baby calling him in tears, and at that moment he realized that the relationship between him and Sander had nothing to do with the one he had with Hero.</p><p class="western">He turned and saw the child wriggling in Sander's arms, leaning in his direction. Robbe walked over to them and took Hero in his arms, starting to slowly stroke his back to calm him down.</p><p class="western">Sander and Robbe rarely argued, but when they did it was always like that. Both of them were convinced they were right and the conversation heated up very quickly.</p><p class="western">"Why are you acting like this?"</p><p class="western">Sander said quietly, in a much softer voice than he before, partly to avoid scaring Hero again, partly because seeing Robbe hurt made him feel bad.</p><p class="western">"You treated me like sh- like poop."</p><p class="western">They both smiled at that word, immediately starting to calm down. Sander lightly caressed Robbe's cheek and Hero did the same, copying his papa's gesture.</p><p class="western">"I'm sorry, I was just embarrassed, I guess."</p><p class="western">"Of me?"</p><p class="western">“No, no! I just never mentioned to you, that Noor and I got closer when you and I broke up."</p><p class="western">"Did you guys kissed, or?"</p><p class="western">"I told you I didn't sleep with anyone. We were just friends, we went out a couple of times but nothing happened."</p><p class="western">"But if that day I didn’t- Look, no, sorry. Just drop it. I don't wanna know. It's you and me now, and of course our little bean here."</p><p class="western">“Our little bean that just broke my heart. Am I just a babysitter to you?"</p><p class="western">He asked Hero, pretending to be on the verge of tears, mimicking what Robbe had said five minutes earlier. They both laughed, even though Robbe was trying to look offended. Sander took Hero's stroller and together, they started walking home.</p><p class="western">"So, your exam?"</p><p class="western">"What exam?"</p><p class="western">Sander was having fun keeping him on his toes, even though from his sly look and the smirk on his lips, Robbe could already imagine what was the outcome.</p><p class="western">“Sanderrrr!”</p><p class="western">“Ok, ok! I'm graduating in three weeks!"</p><p class="western">“Oh my god! I'm so proud of you!"</p><p class="western">“Thanks! I feel so carefree! It's new!"</p><p class="western">Robbe approached his boyfriend, pulling him by the arm to make him stop and pressed his lips against his, as he wanted to do since he had seen him walking out of the Academie. When they parted, Sander pulled him back to kiss him again.</p><p class="western">He had a relaxed smile, on his face and Robbe was happy to see him that way, after the last few weeks. He couldn't wait to see this new version of Sander, he couldn't wait to see all the versions of Sander for the rest of his life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A little bit of dramaaa (and more to come in the next chapter).<br/>I hope you enjoyed this one, if you want to read something specific let me know in the comments or ask me/dm me on tumblr (@ universe-n-3276). I always like to read your ideas and adding them to the chapter.<br/>Thanks for all your love, your kudos, and comments.<br/>They mean the world to me and keep me motivated.<br/>See you next time. &lt;3<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="s3">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Sander was pretty nervous, although he shouldn't have been. He had made that decision a very long time ago, and he was just waiting for the right moment to put it into action. That wasn't the kind of emotion he expected to feel that morning. Happiness, excitement, those were the things he had expected.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">On the way to the cafeteria, where he had asked Lucas to meet, he told himself that what he was feeling was not about the thing itself, but about having to tell someone for the first time.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">At times like that, he found himself hating the situation with Charlotte a little bit more. He w</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">anted</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"> to tell her first because he wouldn't felt so nervous. But sadly the relationship between him and his sister was non-existent at the time, so the next one on the list had been his best friend.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Sander walked into the cafeteria and ordered a decaf for himself, a chocolate with a lot of whipped cream on top for Lucas, and sat down to wait for him. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long because, even though his best friend had a billion flaws, he was rarely late.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Thanks for meeting me here."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Wow, so formal."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">He said, grabbing his chocolate as Gollum would have done with the ring. Maybe he should have ordered a piece of pie as well, just to make sure to put him in a good mood, thanks to the sugar overload.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Sorry, I'm just nervous."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">"Yeah, I can see that. What's up?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I don't even know w</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">here</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"> to start."</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Lucas gave up on his attempts to remove the lid from his cup, and took Sander's hand on the coffee table, squeezing it in his own. He looked up to meet his gaze. </span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">There was something in Lucas's eyes that could scare you. It was like looking </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">straight into </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">the raging sea, and it was exactly what Sander expected his best friend’s soul to look like. Untamable, but somehow it had the power to calm people down. To steal their thoughts and make them their own.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Sander, I might act like an idiot all the time, but you know you can talk to me."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"It's just. I don't feel like Robbe's my boyfriend anymore. It's weird when I introduce him to someone and I call him like that."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">The boy who had finally managed to open the lid, bury a finger into the whipped cream, and then put it into his mouth, remained still for a moment, at other’s words, trying to understand if what he had just heard was correct.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"What the fuck? Do you wanna break up with him?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"What? No! The opposite!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"The op- oh my goodness!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">"Yeah! We’re raising a child together, but it’s not just about Hero. It seems right, you know? He’s the one, and I knew it since the beginning of our relationship, but now, if I’m not home, I can’t wait to see him again, tell him about my day, and hear about his. I feel completely myself around him. His presence is so soothing for me. I just wanna be like this for the rest of my life. I'm ready and I hope he's too."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Lucas had given up on his chocolate, which Sander considered a</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">n honor</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">, and was listening to his best friend with a dreamy expression on his face.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I think I wanna marry Jens."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">"Oh my god! Don't try to steal my moment! Do you think this is the right time, though? Everything is still a mess. We’re about to graduate, and I don’t even know what I’m gonna do after that. I don't have a job, and the situation with Hero and Charlotte is still complicated."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"But you're sure of Robbe, right?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"He's the only thing I'm sure of in my life right now."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"</span></span>
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">So do it. Ask him."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Sander nodded, suddenly much more confident than when he woke up the same morning and less nervous than when he walked into the cafeteria. Sometimes he forgot how well Lucas knew him. He smiled because he was no longer able to contain his happiness and stole some of the whipped cream from Lucas's cup.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I'm so excited."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Me too! Are we gonna buy him a ring?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I'm gonna buy him a ring."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Yes, but I'm helping you, so..."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I bet Hero would sound just like you."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I take it as a compliment."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Shut up and let's go. I already saw something I like."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"But I didn't finish my chocolate!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">"Okay, we can stay a little longer, then. I'm getting some cake for both of us, I want to celebrate!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">And with a lighter soul, Sander got up from his </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">chair</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">, ready for his sugar’s overdose, and to face one of the days he would remember for the rest of his life.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4"> </p>
<p class="s4"> </p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">When Charlotte's face appeared on the screen, Lucas couldn't help but smile. She was sticking her fork into a bowl of salad, probably trying to avoid what she didn't like.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Her dark blonde hair covered her face for a moment, but she quickly tucked it behind her ear, suddenly looking up at the screen. The girl smiled, waving the hand in which she was holding the fork.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Hi, Luc!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Hi, baby!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"What's up?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I had my last exam today!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">She clapped her hands, showing a warm smile that was the Driesen family’s signature. They were able to make you feel loved and appreciated by just smiling at you, even from miles away and through a screen. Lucas missed Charlotte so deeply, that sometimes he just wanted to hug his laptop to try to feel some of her warmth.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">"Oh my goodness, congrats! When are you gonna graduate?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"In two weeks."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I wish I could come. Really. I miss you so much."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Ow. Don't be sad, baby Lot. How are you?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">She shrugged, looking down at her salad, putting the fork back in it. Her mood had changed so quickly and so easily, </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">a</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">s if she was just waiting for the right moment to bring the matter up.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I don't know. I'm happy here, but- I miss my brother."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">There it was, Charlotte's weak spot. It had always been him, even though she hadn't even wanted to hear anything about him for nearly a year. Their bond was impossible to break. Not because they were twins, but simply because they were Sander and Charlotte. They had been attached at the hip for 23 years.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Talk to him."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I don't know. It's weird. "</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Why?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">She fell silent for a moment. Lucas knew what Charlotte was about to say, and he was afraid of opening that Pandora Box. He didn't want to plant that seed in the girl's head, because if things went wrong, it would be his fault.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">"Because of the baby. I don't wanna be a mother. I know I don't want to! But what if I see him, something change, and then I regret everything?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Charlotte, I think it's too late to regret something. The baby already has two loving parents."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"That’s why I don’t wanna talk to him or come back. I don't wanna put myself or him in that situation, I don't wanna make a mess."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I get it."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">They both sighed, looking at each other through the screen. Lucas wanted to tell her that no, she couldn't come back thinking of taking Hero from his parents, because he no longer belonged to her and maybe he never did. It wasn’t in the Universe’s plans for Charlotte to become a mother. Hero had always been predestined to be Sander and Robbe’s baby.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">But Lucas said nothing. He remained silent waiting for the girl to speak again.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Does he like being a dad?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Yeah, he loves it. I've never seen him happier."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I wish I could see it."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"And also Robbe! He's so in love with Hero!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">It was the first time they talked so openly about that topic. Charlotte had never asked anything, but at that moment she seemed a little bit more convinced of the choice she had made, simply because, in that way, she had made happy, </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">two</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"> of the people she cared most in the world.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Hero... it's such a cute name. Wait! Are Robbe and Sander back together?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Yes! They are! And your brother wanna ask him to marry him. He already bought a ring."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"What? Lucas! Why didn’t you tell me sooner? "</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I thought you didn’t wanna know."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I didn’t, but I guess I was wrong. Gosh! I'm studying to become a therapist and I don't even know</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">how I feel! I'm the worst!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Charlotte ran her fingers through her hair, rolling her eyes in frustration. She put her salad aside and crossed her legs on the chair because she couldn't sit in the same position for more than five seconds.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"You're not, shut up! You're a natural! Remember how many times you helped me to figure out how I was feeling?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Yeah, but it's different with you. I know you like the back of my hands."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"You know me better than Jens."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"How's Jens?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"He's good, but I still don't know how he manages to put up with me. I'm such a pain in the ass lately."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Lately?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">She asked, raising her eyebrow, looking at Lucas with a half-smile on her lips. Fuck, he missed her. The way she spoke her mind without judging. Charlotte was able to make everyone feel understood and safe because she was always ready to help.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I'm being serious! I'm scared he's gonna get tired of my stupid attitude. He makes me wanna be a better person, but I often end up acting like a jerk."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Luc, first of all, Jens is madly in love with you, so don't worry. But if you really wanna be a better person, I’ll tell you what to do: breathe. Your biggest flaw is that you're impulsive! You act out of your emotions. Sometimes when you want to scream at his face, you just need to take a deep breath to ground yourself."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"You're right."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"</span></span>
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">And, Luc. Just chill."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">They both burst out laughing, but Lucas vowed to try to follow Charlotte's advice. She had never been wrong before.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"They are teaching you well, down there in Sydney, huh?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"They’re not that bad, but Luc, I've to go now, it’</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">s</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"> getting late."</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Okay, bye baby, love you."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Love you too."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"> </p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"><br/>The moment they </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">end</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">ed </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">up their </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">video-call, Jens opened the front door. Lucas closed his laptop and got up quickly to greet him, determined to follow the advice that Charlotte had just given him. He wanted to be the person he was, before his stressful life turned him into a bundle of nerves, always ready to shoot at the wrong moments, to those who didn't deserve it at all.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Hey."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Come here."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Lucas opened his arms and squeezed Jens, pressing his lips against his. The boy was surprised by that sudden gesture and didn’t react </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">right away</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">, as he was no longer used to his boyfriend’s display of affection. That reaction was immediately noticed by Lucas, but he didn’t say anything, although he felt a little sadder than before.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I missed you so much."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Why are you being so sweet? You're creeping me out."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"What? I'm always sweet to you."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Jens kicked off his shoes near the door and headed to their bedroom, followed by Lucas.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"You used to. Now you're only sweet when you're super drunk or tired and when we fuck."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"</span></span>
  <em>
    <span class="s5">
      <span class="bumpedFont15">When we fuck</span>
    </span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">. And I'm the one who's never sweet."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"When we make love. Sounds better?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Yeah, yeah. It does actually."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"You're being weird."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Lucas sat on the bed, watching his boyfriend's every move, as he was taking off his clothes, probably to take a shower. He wasn't immune to the summer heat either. His skin was sheered by a thin layer of sweat, and his hair was a mess, but he still </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">looked</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"> like a daydream.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Jens."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"What?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">He didn’t know whether to bring that matter up or not, but he felt he had to, even if he was afraid. Lucas hoped he could make things right, even if Jens didn't seem in his usual relaxed mood.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I'm sorry if I had been a shitty boyfriend lately."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Are you sick? I'm calling the doctor."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"C'mon! I'm being serious."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">"Okay. Sorry. Let's talk."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Jens sat next to him on the bed, but he didn't try to touch him in any way, and Lucas noticed that too, of course. He knew his boyfriend’s manner, and that evening, it was as if he weren’t himself, or perhaps he had </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">been like that</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"> for a long time, but Lucas’s stupid self-centered behavior had prevented him from noticing it. He began to fear, that the evening would turn out very differently than he had expected. His hands were shaking, and he hid them under his legs. He didn't want to be seen as weak, but he couldn't help but think, that, his Jens, not the one in front of him, would have noticed it anyway.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"We're not together only because we're used to be in a relationship, right?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"It kind of feels like it sometimes."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"And why you didn’t tell anything?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Because you had a lot going on and I didn’t want to be a burden for you, so I just let things flow until they got to this point."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"What point, Jens?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Luc, I love you, but- I don't even know what it is, but it shouldn't be a </span> </span> <span class="s5"> <span class="bumpedFont15">but </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">after that."</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"No, it shouldn't be."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">He closed his eyes because he wanted to cry, he couldn’t believe what was happening, but he deserved it. He had made him feel, as if the person he loved the most in the world, had been replaced by a clone that only looked like him.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Lucas hadn’t fallen in love with Jens for his appearance, but for his kindness, the attention he always had for him, his love, his sweetness. All those things were gone now, there was just that guy in front of him, who was a stranger.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">"Jens, I had been a shitty boyfriend to you, and I wanted to fix things up. I wanted to kiss you and say that I’m sorry, but I know you, and I’m realizing just now, like the clueless idiot that I am, that it’s probably too late."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"You're not an idiot."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"But it's too late."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I always wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Luc,</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"> then you started to change and I tried to make things work for both of us, but now I'm tired, and I don't know if I wanna do this anymore."</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Okay."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">The room fell silent, and it was so heavy that neither of them dared to carry on the conversation. There was only one way it could end. Lucas felt his heart pounding in his chest and he wanted to cry and scream all his pain to Jens, but he had promised Charlotte not to let his emotions take over. Thus, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, trying to calm down, and he was about to succeed when the other found the courage to speak again.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I think we should break up."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Lucas stood up without adding a word, and left the bedroom, going to the front door. He quickly put on his shoes, took the keys of his bike’s lock, and walked out, slamming the door behind him.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"> </p>
<p class="s4"> </p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">It was movie night at the Driesen-Ijzermans house, and this time it was Sander's turn to choose what to watch, which always turned into torture.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Robbe sometimes thought, his boyfriend choose </span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">only</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"> long and boring film</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">s</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"> on purpose, just to test his patience, and their relationship was well beyond the stage where one pretends to be interested in everything the other likes, just to impress him.</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">The only good thing about that evening was being able to snuggle up with Sander on the couch.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"This movie is so fucking boring."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"It's a classic!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"It's a black and white movie in Russian with German subtitles, Sander."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"So?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I don't speak Russian or German and neither do you."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"It's not about what they say, baby."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Sander, I swear to god, if you start again with the aesthetic thing!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">A notification appeared on Robbe's phone, and he silently thanked whoever was his savior.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Oh my god!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"What?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I think Lucas wanna ask Jens to marry him!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Excuse me?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Jens just told me he found a ring in one of Lucas' drawers."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Wow!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Sander paused the film, momentarily panicking. Jens had found the ring they had bought that morning for Robbe. The one Lucas should have kept safe until the right time came. Clearly, he had placed too much hope in his best friend’s abilities.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"So he didn’t tell you anything."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"No."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Weird."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Well. Maybe he knew, I would tell you straight away and you're Jens' best friend so...”</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"</span></span>
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">Makes sense. I'm so happy for them, though! "</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Wait, he's calling. I have to get this."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">He picked up the phone and got up from the couch, quickly leaving the room. He was furious with Lucas and hoped that the other had a valid explanation for what had just happened.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Lucas, what the hell?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Hello? I'm one of the paramedics who helped Mr. Van der Heijden. Am I talking to one of his relatives?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I'm his best friend. What happened?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I can’t tell you the details, sir, but he had an accident, and we’re rushing him to the hospital. Can I have one of his family member's number?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I can give you his boyfriend's number."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"No, sorry, as I already tell you, it has to be a family member."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"</span></span>
  <span class="s2"><span class="bumpedFont15">Fuck, Jens is his family! They have been together for 7 years now!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">Sander raised his voice. He felt frustrated. That same situation could have happened to him and Robbe. Even though they were raising a child together, formally they weren't a family yet, and it broke his heart.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">He felt his boyfriend's hands closing around his bicep. Robbe must have heard him raise his voice and got worried.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Look, I'll call someone else."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Okay, fine, I’ll give you his father’s number, but he doesn’t live here in Antwerp anymore."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Thanks, and I’ll tell him to put you</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">r</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15"> and his boyfriend’s name on the visitor’s list, so you won’t have problems."</span> </span></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Thanks."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">He hung up the phone and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. His heart was in his throat. Anything could have happened. He looked Robbe in the eye with a completely lost look. He didn't even know where to start.</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"What happened?"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I don't know. They just told me Lucas had an accident, and they wanted his father's number."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"What? I just spoke to Jens and he didn’t tell me anything!"</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"I think we should tell him, and go to the hospital."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Yeah, I’ll call him. You call your mom and see if she can come here to stay with Hero."</span> </span>
</p>
<p class="s4"><span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">He thanked the universe once again for having Robbe at his side. He knew how to stay calm in any situation and that was exactly what he needed. Before leaving, Robbe stroked his cheek, looking him in the eye</span> </span> <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">s</span> </span> <span class="bumpedFont15"> firmly.</span><br/><br/></p>
<p class="s4">
  <span class="s2"> <span class="bumpedFont15">"Sander, it's gonna be fine."</span> </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’m nervous about this chapter so please be gentle! Lucas and Jens are going to be in the next one so don’t worry too much :)<br/>Sander is gonna propose! I’m so so so excited! And Charlotte was back for a brief moment! Did you guys miss her? <br/>Thanks for reading this story and for all the kudos and comments! <br/>Let me know what you think!<br/>See you next time 🖤</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Charlotte and Sander’s texts:<br/>https://universe-n-3276.tumblr.com/post/629535741894115328/chapter-14-bonus</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jens was resting his head against the coffee machine while inserting the coins and pressing the buttons. It started to make the usual low sound that signaled it was running.<br/>
It was early in the morning and Jens was beginning to feel tired, although he refused to sleep. He didn't want to take his eyes off Lucas.<br/>
He had lost sight of him for half an hour and now he was in a hospital bed, sedated, with his head and wrist split open.<br/>
It was all his fault, because if he hadn't been so vengeful the night before, now they'd probably both be peacefully asleep in their bedroom.<br/>
The truth was that Jens didn’t want to break up with Lucas, but he was so frustrated, that those words had simply slipped from his lips without realizing it, and then, he got carried away by the situation.</p><p>When Lucas left, slamming the door, Jens took his backpack and started throwing his things in it, then he opened a drawer and found the ring, realizing what he had just done.</p><p>The boy sat on the bed, turning the box over in his hands without opening it, regretting everything he had just said. He had retraced back the last few months, thinking about how alone Lucas had made him feel in their relationship.<br/>
Jens missed his boyfriend every day, even when he was in the same room. His sweet boy, who loved cookies and cuddles. Lucas with his sharp humor and his extraordinary creative talent. Watching him bring home rags found at the flea market, and turn them into clothes that one could have easily found in an atelier. Lucas and his blue eyes, and the way he always felt like home to Jens.</p><p>The whistle of the coffee machine brought him back to reality. He took the glass it was offering him, and walked slowly down the corridor, letting the aroma of coffee soothe his mind like an early morning cuddle.</p><p>Sander and Robbe had returned home, because there was not much to do but wait for Lucas to wake up, to finally find out what his condition was.<br/>
Jens stopped in front of his boyfriend's room, watching him from the small glass window on the door. The first light of dawn came through the curtains, revealing the boy's body lying on the bed, covered only by a white sheet. His upper lip was split and a bruise stained his cheekbone. There was a six-inch cut camping on his bare chest, held together by several stitches.<br/>
He had a peaceful expression on his face, and Jens hoped with all his heart that his sleep was just the same.<br/>
He drank his coffee, which was not as bad as he expected, and went back into the room, resuming the chair next to his boyfriend's bed.<br/>
It had been so stupid to let Lucas leave the house so upset.<br/>
The boy had taken his bike, and while he was pedaling towards who knows what direction, something happened and he fell over.<br/>
Jens brushed lightly the fingers that were sticking out of the cast that ran from Lucas’ mid-arm to his hand. He had a broken wrist. The same one that broke at fourteen when he fell off his board.</p><p>He thought back to the call he had received from Robbe only a few hours earlier. His words had seemed so surreal and distant. An echo in his head and then he didn't understand anything until he saw Lucas. He had never felt so scared. It was as if someone had put their hands around his throat to stop him from breathing. And when he had seen his boyfriend so helpless and battered, lying in that same bed where he was at that moment, Jens had cried as he had never done before in his life.<br/>
He closed his eyes and sighed, burying his face in his hands.<br/>
Had he thought of living without the love of his life even for just a second? He would have given anything to have Lucas back in his arms, safe and sound. Even the grumpy one who was always ready to explode. He didn't care, he just wanted him to be okay. He wanted to go back to a few hours earlier, before the universe took it out on Lucas just to punish himself.<br/>
Jens had started sobbing again. He had done it so many times that night, that when he tried to wipe away his tears, the skin under his eyes started tingling.<br/>
He was exhausted.</p><p>Then suddenly Lucas's fingers moved. When Jens looked up, he saw two unmistakable blue eyes staring at him a little lost and frightened, and he began to sob louder than before.</p><p>"Jens."</p><p>He got up from the chair, wanting to hug his boyfriend. Holding him with all the strength he had, but he just kissed his forehead, trying to swallow the sobs.</p><p>"You're safe, don't worry, baby."</p><p>Lucas raised his hand and touched Jens' face, trying to wipe his tears, but that gesture only made everything worse.</p><p>"What happened?"<br/>
“You fall off of your bike and smashed your head and your wrist. Wait, let me push this button to call the nurse."</p><p>The boy followed Jens' movements, remaining silent. His head hurt, along with basically every other inch of his body. His throat was dry and he had a bitter taste of medicine in his mouth, but the only thing he could think about was that Jens shouldn't be there next to him.</p><p>A tired-looking woman walked into the room, but when she saw that Lucas was awake, she gave him a warm smile.</p><p>"How are you feeling, dear?"<br/>
"My head hurt so much that I wanna cry and my throat is very dry."<br/>
"I'll give you something to drink and a painkiller, okay? The doctor will check on you in a few hours, and then we’ll change the bandage of that wound."</p><p>The nurse pointed to the boy's chest and he instinctively put his hand on the injury, squinting in pain. He felt the skin tighten under the pressure of the stitches but didn't find the courage to lower his eyes to ascertain the damage.</p><p>"Don't touch it, baby. It's still pretty inflamed."</p><p>Lucas put his hand down, avoiding Jens' gaze, letting his head rest on the pillow. He couldn't even look at him. He couldn't bear the idea that he was there, only because he had had an accident. Because he felt sorry.<br/>
When the nurse came back with a juice and a pill, Lucas thanked her, immediately swallowing the drug, and quickly drank that sweet liquid. He waited for the woman to walk out of the room, to finally being able to speak.</p><p>"Why are you here? I thought you had broken up with me. You don't have to stay, you're not my boyfriend anymore."</p><p>And in pronouncing the last sentence, he avoided again the other’s gaze, feeling his eyes becoming shiny. To his surprise he heard Jens laugh and immediately turned to look at him, frowning. He was shaking his head as if he had just heard the most ridiculous thing ever.</p><p>"I can’t believe you’re lying in a hospital bed, in pain, after smashing your head against the concrete, and you are still so fucking stubborn. Refusing to ask for help, and kicking me out of your room."</p><p>Jens brushed the boy's hair from his forehead, staring at him with his eyes full of love, and Lucas recognized that look. He was completely confused. There should have been no trace of that feeling, after what had happened the previous night.</p><p>"I don't wanna be your charity case."<br/>
"You're not my charity case. I'm taking care of you because I'm in love with you, you idiot. That’s what people do."<br/>
"You broke up with me. I might have hit my head, but I don't have amnesia."<br/>
"When Robbe called me, I thought I lost you forever and I realized I didn’t mean what I told you. I was just angry. And to be honest, I also found the ring."</p><p>Lucas closed his eyes, groaning as he rubbed his temple with his good hand. On the one side, he was relieved because it seemed that Jens wanted to be together again, but on the other, he had been able to make the biggest mess, even when he was passed out in a bed.</p><p>"Please, tell me you didn’t tell Robbe about the ring."<br/>
“I did, yes! I was so confused, I needed to talk with somebody."<br/>
"Fuck, Sander is gonna kill me."<br/>
"Why?"<br/>
"It's his ring. For Robbe."<br/>
"Shit. You're lucky, you're in a hospital bed already."<br/>
"Very funny, Jens."</p><p>The boy said sarcastically, but decided that it was a problem, he could take care of later. He would surely try to rely on the fact that he was badly injured, and he hoped, that his wounds and bruises would scare Sander enough, to spare him the forty-five minutes of insults Lucas was about to receive.<br/>
But at that moment he was too tired, his head still hurt, and he just wanted to cuddle with Jens.</p><p>"So you're still my boyfriend?"<br/>
"Yes, Luc. I'm still your boyfriend. "<br/>
"Can you lay next to me?"<br/>
"Of course baby."</p><p>He tried to move slightly to make room for Jens, who immediately snuggled beside him, kissing his cheek. That familiar feeling made him relax, but there was one more thing, he wanted to say, before forgetting about it.</p><p>"Jens. I meant it yesterday. I'm sorry for what I put you through."<br/>
"It's okay. You smashed your head because of me."<br/>
"It wasn’t your fault."<br/>
"Sssh. Now get some rest, you need it."<br/>
“Okay. Love you."<br/>
"Love you too."</p><p>Jens started stroking his hair, being careful not to touch the stitches on his head, in that way that always made him relax. Lucas took his other hand and squeezed it in his own, bringing it to his lips and kissing his knuckles. Together, they fell asleep, in that hug that was a little uncomfortable but so much better than the ones they had shared during the previous months.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"My handsome boy."<br/>
"He's with me just because I'm pretty."</p><p>Since Lucas had woken up, Jens had only gone back home once to take a quick shower, and get some clean clothes for his boyfriend. Although the doctors assured him that the boy was fine, and could be left alone, he flatly refused to do so.<br/>
At that moment the nurse was checking the wound on Lucas's chest, which kept getting infected every day, and Jens was trying to distract his boy. Usually, a few chaste kisses were enough to do the trick.</p><p>"It helps a lot sometimes."<br/>
"Shit. Sorry!"</p><p>The boy jolted a little, holding his breath. The wound was fresh and still hurt when touched. The problem was that Lucas had to stay as still as possible during the treatment.</p><p>“Hey, baby Luc, keep talking to me. Don’t watch what’s happening there."<br/>
"You guys live together?"</p><p>The woman asked politely. Maybe she was trying to distract Lucas as she was finishing her work.</p><p>"Yes, we do."<br/>
“Good. You should keep an eye on his stitches, and help him to disinfect the wounds daily. Don't forget the one on his head, okay? I know you can't see it, but it's still there."<br/>
"Okay."</p><p>Jens made a mental note of those words. At home, it would have been a little easier, and maybe his back would stop hurting so much. Sleeping on a hospital chair, or sharing a tiny bed with his boyfriend wasn't doing him much good.</p><p>"Can I shower when I get home?"<br/>
"You have to wait for another week. You can wash from the chest down, but you can't wet your cast and your wounds."<br/>
"But it's summer and I'm gross. And also, I can’t have sex with him, if I stink."<br/>
"Lucas, oh my god."<br/>
"What? It's the truth."</p><p>He hid his face on Lucas' pillow, hoping the floor would swallow him. The nurse laughed, without taking her eyes off what she was doing, and Jens thought, they should have rewarded her for her patience.</p><p>“If you guys end up having sex, just be very careful. You don't wanna tear off the stitches. It would be unpleasant."<br/>
"Don't tear off my stitches, baby."</p><p>Lucas pouted, looking at his boyfriend in the eye, who immediately kissed him on the lips. Because after all, he might have the worst big mouth in the world, but he was still adorable.</p><p>"I won’t. Don’t worry."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sander was sitting on the edge of Lucas' bed, showing him all the pictures and videos of Hero, he had taken in the past 24 hours. His best friend had asked him to do the same thing the day before. Jens sat next to his boyfriend, who was holding his hand, smiling at each one of his "oh my god, Jens!", "are you seeing him?", "he's so cute!". If someone asked him, Jens couldn't have to tell who was more adorable, Hero or Lucas.</p><p>"When are you bringing him here? I miss him!"<br/>
"I'm not bringing Hero in a hospital, and also your face looks bad. I don't wanna scare him."<br/>
"What? Jens, have you heard him? He thinks I'm ugly!"<br/>
"To me, you're still the prettiest."</p><p>At Jens' answer, Lucas wrinkled his nose, smiling. Not that he didn't expect it, but it didn't change the fact, that every time he heard his boyfriend speak like that, his heart skipped a beat, and the butterflies in his belly came alive once again.<br/>
During his time in the hospital, Lucas realized he wanted to do everything to make Jens happy. He couldn't risk losing him again, so whenever he felt the urge to overreact, he always heard Charlotte's words ringing in his head and paused to take a deep breath.</p><p>"Can someone go grab a glass of water, please, these meds make me thirsty all the time."<br/>
"I'll go, baby!"<br/>
"I'm coming with you."</p><p>Jens and Robbe left the room, and Lucas was finally able to do, what he had planned the day before, hoping that Sander wouldn’t kill him on the spot.</p><p>"Can you acknowledge the fact, that I didn’t joke about you being thirsty all the time?"<br/>
"Shut up and open that drawer, idiot."<br/>
"Aren't you tired of giving orders to everyone? Ow."</p><p>Sander took out of the drawer the box with the ring, they had chosen together for Robbe and turned it over in his hands, then slipped it into his sweatshirt’s pocket. He sat down next to Lucas again, and smiled at him, thinking back to how excited they both were, the day they bought the ring.</p><p>"I'm sorry if Jens spilled everything out. I hope, I didn't ruin your surprise."<br/>
"Don't worry. I'm just happy you are safe, okay?"<br/>
"And also thanks for texting Charlotte, to tell her what happened."<br/>
"At least she didn't rush here."<br/>
“Yeah. Was it weird for you to text her?"</p><p>The boy shrugged. He thought back to the texts he had exchanged with his sister a few days earlier. They were cold and impersonal. Two strangers would have been friendlier. His stomach tightened, thinking about how close their relationship was before, how much he and Charlotte had always counted on each other's presence until Hero came.</p><p>"A bit. But she only asked about you, so it was okay."<br/>
"She misses you."<br/>
"I miss her too, but I can't."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That same evening, when Robbe and Sander came back home, they found Hero already asleep peacefully in his crib. The afternoon spent playing with his grandmother, had tired him enough to make him collapse, shortly after having dinner, so the boys decided to take a shower together, to save water, but they ended up using twice as much.<br/>
Sander went into their room first, while Robbe finished tidying up the bathroom. He dropped the towel, wrapped around his waist, on the floor, and put on a pair of clean boxers. He picked up the clothes, he had worn in the hospital to put them in the washer, but in doing so, the box with the ring fell to the floor. He had completely forgotten that it was in his pocket. He took it in his fingers and stared at it. He should have hidden it quickly, but he couldn't. He kept looking at it, while a thought was tickling his mind.<br/>
Sander let his clothes on the floor and sat cross-legged on the bed, and as he heard Robbe's footsteps approaching.</p><p>"I keep thinking about that call."<br/>
"The one from that paramedic?"</p><p>He knew that phone-call had shaken his boyfriend, but it had been the same for Sander. Robbe crossed the threshold completely naked and Sander smiled because he loved to see the man, his boy had become. Completely comfortable with his body.<br/>
He was beautiful.<br/>
Robbe wore a pair of briefs and sat on the edge of the bed. His curls were still damp and a few fleeting drops of water were running down his neck and shoulders. Sander could have stared at every little detail of that perfect body for the rest of his life, and not be bored for even the smallest second.</p><p>“Yeah. I can't believe Jens isn’t part of Lucas' family. He’s like a stranger even if they spent 7 years of their life together."<br/>
"I keep thinking the same. It scares me."<br/>
"And we're also strangers even if we're raising a son together. I'm a stranger to my son. It hurts."<br/>
"I know, but what we can do? We can't change the rules."</p><p>Changing the rules would make his life a lot easier. First of all, he wouldn't have had to wait another year to adopt Hero. It wouldn’t have been another twelve months of uncertainty, always thinking of having his child torn from his arms.</p><p>"I know we decided not to rush things with the adoption, but when you're gonna sign the papers, I wanna do the same."<br/>
"Robbe, we have to get marry to do that."<br/>
"So let's get marry."</p><p>Sander stared at Robbe in disbelief, not understanding if the other was serious or not. If those words had come out of his mouth as a joke, or if they were so in tune with each other, that they were both thinking the same thing.<br/>
Robbe looked down at Sander's hands and saw the box he was holding.</p><p>"Isn't that Lucas' ring?"</p><p>His heart was beating madly in his chest.<br/>
Sander was someone, who loved planning things down to the smallest detail, because he always thought that his instincts sucked, so he hardly did something impulsive in his life. Until that moment.<br/>
Because maybe that wasn't the perfect time, but it was the right one.</p><p>"No. The ring Jens' found was mine, for you. Lucas was just hiding it."<br/>
"Oh my god."</p><p>The boy opened his mouth in surprise and immediately covered it with both hands. Sander smiled, a little scared of what he was about to do, but his boyfriend’s reaction gave him the urge for the next step. That emotion, the uncertainty, the unknown, were things, he had always pushed away, but at that moment, he was enjoying them all. He put his hand on Robbe's bare thigh and squeezed it lightly, without stopping smiling.</p><p>"This wasn’t how I planned it. I booked this pretty beach house, and I was going to propose there, at the sunset, on the beach. But, I guess life happens."<br/>
"Sander..."</p><p>Robbe was already crying and Sander knew, he would follow him shortly. He had never felt such a beautiful and strong emotion in his entire life. He had always trusted logic more than feelings, but everything was so magical and perfect, even if it was just the two of them almost naked in their bed, that he decided to trust the strong happiness, that was invading every inch of his body.</p><p>“Seven years ago, when I saw you for the first time, something about you made my soul ache. I was just 16, Robbe, and I had never felt anything like that before. I didn’t know what it was and I still don’t know. Sometimes I think my soul recognized you from a past life and when I laid my eyes on you, it just told me "look, he’s what you were missing. He came back to you".<br/>
I remember like it was yesterday, that time I told you, I would survive without you, but not without my sister, and I was wrong. I'm living without her, but when I lost you, I was barely alive. She's not my other half. You are my other half, in this and every other universe. I don't wanna spend another day without you. I wanna rise our son together, and have ten more babies with your curls, your eyes, and your dimples. I wanna get old with you, I wanna die next to you and do it all over again in the next life. So, please, Robbe IJzermans, marry me. "</p><p>Perhaps he should have kneeled, he told himself, but just sitting like that, he was already felling his legs shake exactly like the hand that was holding the box with the ring, offering it to Robbe, who had his face streaked with tears, but also the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, painted on his lips. That would have been enough for him, but the words that followed, he was sure, would have been able to light up all of his darkest days, for the rest of his life.</p><p>"Of course I marry you."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Surprise! They are engaged!<br/>Are you happy? I cried like a baby writing this chapter!<br/>Lucas and Jens found each other again!<br/>Let me know what you think :)<br/>As always thank you for the kudos and comments!<br/>See you next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Charlotte &amp; Sander's texts https://universe-n-3276.tumblr.com/post/629888112121806848/chapter-15-bonus</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been almost a year since Charlotte had left, and life had gone on for everyone.</p><p>Time is something ethereal, ineffable, theoretical, and relative. Usually, when someone disappears as Charlotte did, after some time, no one can perceive how many days have passed. One closes his eyes and suddenly, it’s been ten days. Ten months. Ten years.</p><p>But, of course, Charlotte didn’t like conforming herself to the regular conventions of life. She vanished, but she had left Hero behind her. On his face, everyone could almost count the days one by one. The passage of time was so clear, it was scary.</p><p class="western">It was mid-July.</p><p class="western">In a month, Hero would be one year old.</p><p class="western">He could walk and talk, or at least he tried. He often made very long speeches with words that were mostly made up, or that only his dads were able to understand the meaning of.</p><p class="western">Their life was tiring, but beautiful and happy.</p><p class="western">Everyone had survived, even without Charlotte, and Sander would never expect it.</p><p class="western">They had graduated, and although the future was still uncertain, they allowed themselves to relax and have fun without thinking about anything, during the last months of summer.</p><p class="western">Jens and Lucas, who had returned home from the hospital, were thrilled at the prospect of finding a full-time job so that they could finally afford a larger apartment, in which they could welcome all their new and old friends.</p><p class="western">That morning, Sander and Robbe were driving north to the beach house Sander had rented for a well-deserved weekend of relax. Hero had been left in the loving care of his grandmother, with the promise of two FaceTime calls a day. His parents wanted to take him with them to see him play in the sand and have his very first experience on the beach, but after so much effort to graduate on time, the two of them needed to spend time alone.</p><p class="western">Sander was driving because Robbe had always flatly refused to take a driver's license.</p><p class="western">He had one hand on the wheel and with the other, he was holding his fiance’s. The car was being filled by Bowie's warm voice, which was entertaining them towards their destination.</p><p class="western">Sander momentarily took his eyes off the road, hearing Robbe laugh. He was looking at his phone with a happy expression painted on his face.</p><p class="western">“Hey, only I can make you smile like that!”</p><p class="western">Robbe rolled his eyes and shook his head, trying to hold back a smile.</p><p class="western">“First of all, watch the road. Second, it’s your mother. She sent me pictures of Hero taking a bath. He's so cute.”</p><p class="western">“I want to see them too!”</p><p class="western">Sander pouted and pushed his lower lip out, looking at his fiance who promptly made him turn his face back to the street.</p><p class="western">After a while, the music was again the only sound filling the car. Robbe was staring blankly out the window as he listened to Sander humming along with Bowie.</p><p class="western">Just a few months earlier, their everyday reality would have seemed only a pipe dream. Robbe touched the ring on his finger and smiled. The thrill of being officially engaged to the love of his life hadn't left him yet, and he wished, he could go back to when as a teenager, he had felt lost, alone, and scared, to whisper in his ear that everything would have been fine in the end.</p><p class="western">When the car's GPS showed them that their destination was nearing, both boys looked up to the dark sky above their heads and sighed. It would have probably rain soon. It was certainly not the weather they expected to find, especially Sander who had planned everything.</p><p class="western">The beach house was beautiful. It looked like it came straight out of a movie, with the terrace overlooking the sea, and despite the bad weather, the view was still breathtaking.</p><p class="western">They brought their bags inside the cabin, just before it started raining, and decided to explore the house they had rented, knowingly looking at each other, as soon as they saw how inviting the bed was.</p><p class="western">They kept exploring the remaining rooms as the storm raged outside. They could hear the rain hitting the windows and the sound of the waves that almost drowned out the thunder. There was something strangely relaxing in it, despite the anger of nature manifesting itself, in all its power, before their eyes.</p><p class="western">Abandoned on a piece of furniture they found a deck of UNO cards and decided to play a few rounds to spend some time. Sander and Robbe weren't used to having anything to do, but they swore to themselves, they wouldn't spend the whole weekend in bed.</p><p class="western">They had been playing for about an hour and Sander kept losing each round. By that time, all his competitiveness had vanished due to the humor of the situation, and his fiance too had begun to cheer for him, despite being playing against each other.</p><p class="western">When Robbe laid another +4 on top of the discard pile, they both screamed in amusement and Sander threw his cards on the table in a dramatic way.</p><p class="western">“Nooo! Robbe! I thought you loved me!”</p><p class="western">“Sorry!”</p><p class="western">“Why are you keeping doing this to me?”</p><p class="western">“Because you suck at this game, babe.”</p><p class="western">“It's because when there are only two players, it's only a matter of luck.”</p><p class="western">Sander suddenly looked down at his phone, frowning. He had behaved like this for days, but when they sat face to face, it became very evident.</p><p class="western">“Why are you so jumpy every time you get a text lately?”</p><p class="western">“I'm not jumpy.”</p><p class="western">“Sander, I know you.”</p><p class="western">Robbe was looking at him skeptically, with a raised eyebrow. Sander could often read him as if he had his thoughts written on his forehead, but the other way around was also true. Robbe knew his fiance’s every gesture and knew when he was acting weird.</p><p class="western">“I'm not! I swear!”</p><p class="western">“And now you are hiding your phone! Who are you texting, Sander?”</p><p class="western">“It's just my mom.”</p><p class="western">“Let me see it, then.”</p><p class="western">In seven years of relationship, neither of them had asked the other to read his texts, and neither of them had ever hidden anything. Sometimes Sander or Robbe got a text and the other read it, just because they never had this kind of boundaries. That situation seemed very unusual, and it was a symptom of something.</p><p class="western">“No! Why?”</p><p class="western">“Are you texting Noor?”</p><p class="western">“Noor?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Sander's mouth dropped open, looking at his fiance as if he just grew another head. He couldn't believe Robbe thought he was cheating on him. Especially after less than a month since they were officially engaged. He felt offended by that thought and that sudden insecurity on Robbe’s part. Sander wanted to say something about it, but he couldn’t because he was actually texting someone without telling Robbe.</p><p class="western">He had texted Charlotte about their engagement, and she had replayed immediately, but the conversation died there, although Sander still hoped that his sister would start a conversation sooner or later, so every time he got a text, he was afraid it was her and that Robbe would find out.</p><p class="western">He hadn't told him about it yet, because somehow if Charlotte got closer to them and eventually wanted to take Hero away, it would be his fault, and he didn't want to give Robbe any worries.</p><p class="western">“We just got engaged!”</p><p class="western">“Robbe, I'm not texting Noor, or anybody else. Just trust me, okay?”</p><p class="western">“I'm tired of playing. This game is boring if it’s just the two of us. I'm gonna go to bed.”</p><p class="western">Robbe got up, leaving his cards on the table, and disappeared into the bedroom. Sander buried his face in the palms of his hands and sighed. He hated hiding things from his fiance, making him feel insecure, and worried but at the same time, he didn't want to talk about Charlotte, especially at that moment, when they should have simply been happy, enjoying some freedom.</p><p class="western">He stood up to join Robbe, finding him curled up against a pillow, lying on his side with his eyes closed. Sander lay down behind, spooning him.</p><p class="western">“Baby.”</p><p class="western">Robbe said nothing, and Sander sighed, starting to rub his nose on the back of his fiance’s head, as he held him tighter against his chest.</p><p class="western">“I know you're not sleeping.”</p><p class="western">“Have you already regretted it?”</p><p class="western">Those raw words left Sander breathless for a few seconds. He really couldn't believe Robbe was asking him such a thing.</p><p class="western">“I hope you're not talking about our engagement because you can't possibly be serious.”</p><p class="western">Robbe turned slightly, to look his fiance in the eyes, and at that moment Sander wished he didn't know how to read the other so well because his face was painted with mordant emotions that had the power to hurt both of them.</p><p class="western">“Why are you being this weird? It's because I wanna adopt Hero?”</p><p class="western">“What? No! Absolutely not!”</p><p class="western">“I just don't understand.”</p><p class="western">“Because there’s nothing to understand.”</p><p class="western">Sander felt guilty. He was making the love of his life believe that he was seeing things that weren't there. He was making him question his instincts, deceiving him. He felt terrible, but he had to do what was best for both of them, so when Robbe pushed him away, he pulled back, trying to make his most convincing puppy eyes.</p><p class="western">“Robin.”</p><p class="western">“Don't call me that when I'm mad.”</p><p class="western">“Robin, please.”</p><p class="western">He begged, pouting this time because Sander knew very well that no one had ever been able to resist that combination, and he also felt that Robbe was letting himself go in his arms.</p><p class="western">“I hate you.”</p><p class="western">“We came here to celebrate, don't be mad.”</p><p class="western">“You and your puppy eyes. Fuck.”</p><p class="western">He said, burying his face completely against the Sanders' chest. Then he smiled, intertwining their legs together. Their love getaway could officially start.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">***</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Jens woke from his nap at the sound of a broomstick falling to the floor. He frowned and stood up, still sleepy, walking towards the source of that noise. Standing in the kitchen, with a mop in his hand and a bucket full of water and detergent at his feet, there was Lucas who was trying to wash the floor with just one hand.</p><p class="western">“What the hell are you doing, Lucas Van der Heijden?”</p><p class="western">“I'm just trying to help!”</p><p class="western">Lucas's voice was frustrated, just like the expression on his face. Since they got back home from the hospital, Jens had prevented him from doing anything but staying in bed, watching tv, or going to the kitchen to eat. He was afraid that Lucas would get hurt again, and that his complete recovery would be further prolonged.</p><p class="western">Also with a broken wrist, there was very little he could do. But as usual, he had underestimated his boyfriend's stubbornness.</p><p class="western">“Put that mop down!”</p><p class="western">“No! I wanna help!”</p><p class="western">He said, pouting. Jens had never thought they would argue for who <em>should not </em>do the cleaning, and instead there he was, trying to take the mop away from Lucas's hand, while he spun around with the agility of a ballerina.</p><p class="western">“You have a fucking cast!”</p><p class="western">“Right! But I have two hands. The last time I broke my wrist, I kept skating. Besides, chores are not dangerous!”</p><p class="western">“When you broke your wrist at 14, I wasn’t your boyfriend.”</p><p class="western">“Jens, please. I'm almost done.”</p><p class="western">Lucas knew perfectly well that Jens couldn’t resist him at all, so after a little bit more of pouting and begging, Jens just sighed, going to lean on the door-frame.</p><p class="western">“Fine. But I'll stay here to check on you.”</p><p class="western">Lucas smiled and resumed fumbling with the mop, in a strangely effective way for a single-handed person. He finished cleaning the kitchen in five minutes.</p><p class="western">Jens let him put away the bucket and mop without saying a word, and when he was done, Lucas walked over to his boyfriend, looping his arms around his neck.</p><p class="western">“See? It wasn't that hard.”</p><p class="western">“You could have slipped on the wet floor.”</p><p class="western">“But I didn't. Now, kiss me.”</p><p class="western">Jens smiled, happy to please his boyfriend, and pressed his lips against the other’s. Lucas slipped his fingers through Jens' hair, pulling them slightly, and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, moaning when his tongue met Jens’.</p><p class="western">They hadn't had sex in a while, so it was very easy for both of them, to heath up at the bare minimum.</p><p class="western">Jens stroked the back of Lucas' thighs and lifted him off the ground, while the other tied his legs behind his waist. They kept going like that until both had to break the kiss to catch their breath.</p><p class="western">Lucas rubbed his nose against his boyfriend's, smiling softly at him.</p><p class="western">“You're so handsome.”</p><p class="western">“So are you.”</p><p class="western">“Sure, must be that purple bruise under my eye, or the greasy hair.”</p><p class="western">“It's just a few more days, Luc, then we can shower together.”</p><p class="western">“So hot.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, so hot.”</p><p class="western">They both laughed, and Jens carried Lucas into their bedroom, making him sit on the bed. They continued to cuddle for a while, while a comforting silence reigned throughout their apartment. It was nice to be alone, slowly rediscovering each other. Taking their time to admire every detail on the other's face, since other areas were still off-limits. It felt like they were teenagers again, when they spent hours kissing and laughing, hidden in their bedrooms, without the world disturbing them.</p><p class="western">Lucas leaned on Jens' shoulder, playing with the neck of his boyfriend's shirt, suddenly becoming more serious. It happened often since the accident and what worried him ended up being always the same matter, Jens knew it.</p><p class="western">“Lucas, stop thinking about what happened. You said sorry a million times.”</p><p class="western">“I know, but I realized that pushing you away, being angry and mean, is my coping mechanism. I saw my parents do this so many times during my childhood, especially my mom, and I don’t know. Maybe I was just trying to protect myself.”</p><p class="western">“Protect yourself from what?”</p><p class="western">“From the idea that eventually I’d get hurt. I always saw Sander and Robbe as an ideal couple and when they broke up I thought <em>they didn’t make it, so why Jens and I should? </em>I kind of convinced myself that we were about to end things up too.”</p><p class="western">Jens was confused. No matter how many times they talked about that, there was still something new coming up to the surface. It was good because it meant they were working things up, and their relationship was starting to heal.</p><p class="western">“Why haven't you mentioned this before?”</p><p class="western">“It wasn’t something I did on purpose. But you know what? we survived Jens, thanks to you.”</p><p class="western">“Next time something bothers you, even if you don’t know what it is, please tell me, and we’ll try to figure it out together.”</p><p class="western">“I promised.”</p><p class="western">Lucas smiled, pressing little kisses to Jens' jaw, who closed his eyes and sighed, completely touch-starved. He wanted to feel Lucas everywhere again, but he needed to be responsible for both of them, so he gently squeezed his boyfriend's hand to make him stop.</p><p class="western">“Jens, please. I want to make you feel good.”</p><p class="western">“But you are already making me feel good by saying all of these things. Besides, I'm super hungry, we should start cooking something!”</p><p class="western">Jens freed himself from his boyfriend's arms and quickly got up before the other could reach him again. It was painful but necessary. Lucas rolled his eyes and grunted crossing his arms on his chest, and that was it. There was no way he couldn’t kiss away that adorable pout from his face, so taking Lucas by surprise he crushed his mouth against his boyfriend’s, because maybe if they were <em>really</em> careful, there was something they still could do to make each other feel good.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry if it took so long, but I'm back!<br/>If you haven't I suggest you take a look at Charlotte and Sander's text liked at the beginning of this chapter.<br/>So, what do you think? There's gonna be mooore drama next time!</p><p>Thanks for reading this and leaving comments and kudos.<br/>See you next time &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mild smut at the beginning but you can skip it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">It had officially been a year since Hero was born, and when Sander woke up that morning, he smiled happily. Being back to live in the house where he grew up had other benefits besides not having to pay the rent. To seek some chill during the hot summer days, he and Robbe no longer had to rely on their old broken fan, in fact, they had all the air conditioning they needed.</p><p class="western">He could cuddle his fiance whenever he wanted, and not staying away from him just because even the idea of touching each other made both of them sweat.</p><p class="western">He snuggled to Robbe's back, hugging him and kissing his shoulder. He felt the other sigh and draw closer, intertwining their legs together</p><p class="western">“Morning, beautiful.”</p><p class="western">“Good morning, my king.”</p><p class="western">Sander smiled at that name. Every time those words left Robbe's lips, there was always something inside him that felt the need to show off. Maybe it was pride or his possessiveness, or maybe he wanted to prove he deserved that title. He kissed the back of his fiance's neck and slipped a hand under his shirt, stroking his bare abdomen and starting to play with the hem of his boxers.</p><p class="western">“You are in a good mood.”</p><p class="western">“I'm always in a good mood when I can be with you in the morning.”</p><p class="western">Robbe laughed, letting Sander take control of the situation. He closed his eyes, sighing, when his fiance slid his boxers to his mid-thigh, letting out a moan as his fist closed around his length.</p><p class="western">“Your hands are too cold.”</p><p class="western">“Sorry.”</p><p class="western">Sander left a kiss on Robbe's shoulder still covered by his shirt and turned to get the lube.</p><p class="western">“Can you wear a condom? I don't wanna shower again. We have so many things to do for Hero's birthday party today.”</p><p class="western">He got a raised eyebrow and a muffled chuckle, in response. Robbe rolled his eyes, kicking off his boxers.</p><p class="western">“Sander, please! I also don't wanna change the sheets. Again.”</p><p class="western">Sander finished undressing Robbe completely and pushed him back on the mattress, then placing his hands on his fiance’s knees to make him spread his legs.</p><p class="western">“This is not something we <em>have</em> to do, Robbe. Just tell me if you don’t feel like it.”</p><p class="western">Robbe blinked, looking his fiance in the eyes. He was still fully clothed, kneeling in front of him, holding his legs open by his knees. He suddenly felt more self-conscious and turned his face to avoid those green eyes that were always too intense.</p><p class="western">“Sorry.”</p><p class="western">“You don't have to say sorry.”</p><p class="western">Sander let go of Robbe’s legs and went to lay down beside him, covering them both with the blanket. He ran his fingers through the other’s curls, trying to catch his gaze.</p><p class="western">“We don't have to do anything, but when we make love, it's about you and me and nothing else. Screw the party, the sheets, the shower. I just wanna be with you. I wanna feel you, I wanna take my time to make you feel good, feel loved. That’s what matters to me, okay?”</p><p class="western">Robbe nodded, stroking Sander's cheek. Sometimes it was easy to get lost in the routine. Forget that the two of them were sharing their life because they loved each other more than anything, and not because they were in the midst of that chaos together by chance. They <em>had</em> <em>chosen </em>to be together in the midst of that chaos. They were in the foreground, the rest was just background noise. Robbe felt incredibly lucky, at that moment, to be loved by someone like Sander, who was able to keep focusing on him, even when the noise surrounding them was damn loud.</p><p class="western">He took off his fiance's shirt and dragged him on top of himself, kissing his lips with all the emotion he was feeling at that time. Robbe needed to be one with Sander, the rest was just rust and stardust.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Sander was still breathing heavily as he pressed kisses to Robbe's face, who was keeping his eyes closed, smiling slightly, just enjoying that sweet touch. Sander liked to devote himself completely to his fiance, after making love. He knew that Robbe felt particularly vulnerable and he didn’t want him, in any way, to feel bad after doing something so beautiful together.</p><p class="western">“Can I run you a bath?”</p><p class="western">“It's not my birthday.”</p><p class="western">“That’s why I’m not joining you.”</p><p class="western">Robbe smiled, looking the other in the eyes. He took Sander’s face in his hands, drawing it closer to kiss his lips. He felt so blessed to be taken care of that way, even after seven years of relationship.</p><p class="western">“C'mon, you’ll take a bath, I change the sheets and then I’ll deal with the birthday boy.”</p><p class="western">“I love you so much.”</p><p class="western">“Love you too.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">When he walked into the living room, he found Alice and Sander sitting on the sofa, while Hero was on the rug, playing with the box of the stuffed animal that Alice had just given him.</p><p class="western">“Good morning, Alice!”</p><p class="western">“Hey, sweetheart.”</p><p class="western">“Dad!”</p><p class="western">Hero smiled brightly, as he did every time he saw Robbe enter a room, and lifted the box he was playing with, to proudly show it to his dad. Sander and Alice laughed as Robbe went to sit on the rug next to the baby, making him sit on his lap.</p><p class="western">“Happy birthday, baby boy.”</p><p class="western">He hugged Hero in his arms and left a kiss in his blond hair. The boy showed him the box again and Robbe shook his head, letting out a chuckle.</p><p class="western">“Wow, look at this box! It's so pretty, isn't it?”</p><p class="western">“Sander was fascinated by wrapping paper when he was Hero’s age. He was such a weird kid.”</p><p class="western">“Ma!”</p><p class="western">Sander dramatically hid his face in a pillow, making everyone laugh, including Hero. He put the box aside and aimed his grabby hands towards his papa, calling him to get his attention.</p><p class="western">“Can you walk to papa by yourself?”</p><p class="western">Robbe helped Hero to stand and the child, staggering slightly, reached Sander, who immediately took him into his arms, kissing his cheek. Alice clapped her hands and approached her nephew to ruffle his hair.</p><p class="western">A year ago, Hero had brought so much love into their family. Those who had chosen to welcome him and to see him grow had been rewarded with something ineffable. Robbe met Hero on his very first day on Earth, but he never imagined what he would become for him twelve months later. He didn’t believe, he could feel something stronger and more powerful than what he felt for Sander, but at that moment, he was looking at that little human being for whom he would have given his life without thinking, and he was sure that Sander would have done the same.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Hero's birthday party went great. Obviously, he didn't understand why all those people were around him, and he probably could remember less than ten of those, but the little one enjoyed being around adults, so he gladly joined the overall fuss.</p><p class="western">Robbe's mom had also stopped by to say hello, although she left about an hour later. Robbe loved his mother, and his relationship with his father had become less tense after he grew up, but he often felt much more at ease with Sander's family than his own, so he couldn't wait to officially become part of it.</p><p class="western">When Jens and Lucas arrived, Hero's face lit up, and he had spent most of the party glued to them.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">As the guests began to leave, Robbe started to tidy up the living room, while Sander disappeared into the kitchen trying to give away some of the leftovers to the guests.</p><p class="western">Robbe took a tray of mini sandwiches and headed for the kitchen, but stopped when he overheard his name being mentioned in a conversation that was taking place between his fiance and his cousin Olivia.</p><p class="western">“You can't raise Hero with Robbe. He needs a mother, he needs a mother's touch. Two parents who can give him the best life.”</p><p class="western">Robbe wasn’t surprised by the woman's words. He knew many people were of the same opinion. <em> Two men can't raise a child </em>and things like that. He had asked himself that question so many times before, but Hero was happy, growing up exactly like the other children, maybe even better than many of them because he had two parents who loved him, and he didn't care what gender they were.</p><p class="western">He stayed there, waiting for his fiance‘s comeback.</p><p class="western">“I agree with you.”</p><p class="western">Sander's words hit him like a slap in the face. He hurried away, placing the tray on the first available surface, and went to lock himself in Hero's room.</p><p class="western">The baby was laying asleep in his crib, with a peaceful expression on his face. Robbe picked him up, trying not to wake him, and sat down in the rocking chair, closing his eyes.</p><p class="western">That baby was his son, but Sander had the power to take it away from him if he just wanted to. He felt like he was living a nightmare. They had talked about it so many times.</p><p class="western">They planned to sign the adoption papers together, once they got married, as soon as Robbe turned 25. It was just a year away, but apparently, Sander had changed his mind. Now he could explain all the strange behaviors of his fiance. The reason he always kept his phone hidden. Since he'd noticed it while they were at the beach house, he couldn't help but observe the way Sander kept doing it even if he said that there was nothing to worry about.</p><p class="western">But then again, Sander was so handsome that even if Noor hadn't been chosen to become Hero's mother, he'd only have to snap his fingers to find as many women as he wanted, willing to raise a child. Maybe Sander was tired of being with a man, or maybe he just realized he didn't want to raise Hero anymore and he would let Charlotte take him back.</p><p class="western">All those thoughts seemed equally valid to him, and the conclusion was always the same. Robbe would end up giving up on his baby. Those were probably the last moments they spent together.</p><p class="western">He felt his throat close and a sob escaping his lips and he began to cry, holding Hero in his arms.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Robbe didn't know how long it had been since he had taken shelter in the nursery, but the guests must have all left because there was no sound from the house. The chaos of thoughts in his head had made him lose track of time, even though the weight and heat of Hero on his chest had made him relax a bit.</p><p class="western">Sander opened the door slowly and smiled, seeing Robbe and Hero together in the rocking chair.</p><p class="western">“Hey, what are you doing here? I thought he was sleeping already.”</p><p class="western">He approached his fiance to stroke his cheek, but the other turned his head quickly to avoid his hand.</p><p class="western">“Don't touch me.”</p><p class="western">“Robbe, what's wrong?”</p><p class="western">“I wanna stay alone with him.”</p><p class="western">Sander frowned, not understanding what was happening. The party had gone well and the last time he saw Robbe, he was happy. But at the moment his mood was completely different, and it didn't seem to be something generic. He just was angry with him.</p><p class="western">“Can you tell me what’s happening?”</p><p class="western">Robbe avoided his gaze, as the tears began to fall on his cheeks, and Sander wanted to hug him, comfort him in some way, but he decided to respect his fiance's request. He knelt in front of the rocking chair and looked at Robbe trying to understand what was going on.</p><p class="western">“Robbe, please. It hurts me to see you like this.”</p><p class="western">Still, no answer as the tears kept flowing silently. Robbe clutched Hero to his chest as if his life depended on him, and Sander was increasingly heartbroken. Maybe one of the guests had said something, or maybe Olivia herself had tried to make the same speech, she had started with him before Sander kicked her out. He wanted to talk about it but he knew Robbe and he probably wasn't ready to do it yet.</p><p class="western">“Can you at least go to sleep in our bed? I'll get the couch.”</p><p class="western">Sander closed his eyes, sighing and went to sit at the foot of Hero's crib, leaning his back against the bars. He could wait there in silence for Robbe to come back to him for all his life if he had to.</p><p class="western">“I'll stay here on the floor, just tell me when you're ready to talk.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Do you think someone like Noor would be a better parent than me?”</p><p class="western">It was late at night when Robbe's voice finally reached his ears, tired and distant as a mirage. He almost thought he had imagined it, but that conversation was too important to risk not answering. He sat up a little more straight. He tried to focus on the words he'd just heard, and when Noor's name came up again, Sander rubbed his temples.</p><p class="western">He had often gotten his head stuck on a topic, but not like that, not after discussing it again, again, and again. Sander had tried in every way to reassure Robbe, to give him all his love, but apparently, it hadn't worked.</p><p class="western">“What are you talking about, Robbe? And why you keep mentioning her?”</p><p class="western">“You told your cousin that Hero needs a mother.”</p><p class="western">“I- What?”</p><p class="western">“I heard you saying that you agreed with her.”</p><p class="western">It was Oliva and her stupid speech’s fault. That woman and her retrograde mindset would never set foot around his family again. He had sworn it to himself even before he knew Robbe was suffering like that.</p><p class="western">“Are you kidding me, Robbe? I told her that I agreed with her, because of course Hero needs to be raised by someone who can love and take care of him in the best way, and that’s exactly what you and I are doing. I told her to fuck off!”</p><p class="western">“Are you serious?”</p><p class="western">“Yes, I'm deadly serious.”</p><p class="western">Robbe blinked a couple of times, looking at his fiance. He suddenly felt more awake and stupid because he could have talked to Sander right away instead of bottling everything up while imagining hypothetical apocalyptic scenarios.</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry. I don't know what's happening with me lately.”</p><p class="western">Sander stood up, taking Hero from Robbe's arms, carrying him back to his crib. He covered him with his blanket and kissed his forehead. When he turned back, his fiance fell into his arms, and he smiled, running his fingers through his hair.</p><p class="western">“I know what’s happening, and it’s my fault. Remember when I told you that I wasn’t texting anyone? I lied. I was texting Charlotte. I missed her, and I don’t know, I just did it.”</p><p class="western">“Baby, why you didn't tell me?”</p><p class="western">Robbe lifted his face starring at his fiance with those beautiful doe eyes. Sander brushed a lock of hair from his forehead and sighed.</p><p class="western">“I was afraid you’d get upset. But there’s no need to. She has never started a conversation. It's like texting a stranger.”</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry.”</p><p class="western">Sander wrapped his arms around the other’s waist and hid his face against his neck. He kept making the same mistake, hiding things from Robbe fearing his reaction, and when in the end, forced by events, he had to tell him, he had always received understanding in return, feeling himself immediately better. Communication was everything, and he often tended to forget about it.</p><p class="western">“We need to stop hiding things from each other. We’re getting married and we have Hero, who can feel if something is off between us.”</p><p class="western">“And you need to stop deciding what’s best for me without asking, or I’ll get seriously mad next time.”</p><p class="western">Sander nodded, without moving his head from Robbe's shoulder, swearing to himself that he would work on what was perhaps his worst flaw. He didn’t want to lose his fiance again, by making the same mistake once more.</p><p class="western">“Can we go to bed now?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, my back is killing me and I can't wait to get some sleep.”</p><p class="western">“Same. We're too old for this shit.”</p><p class="western">They both laughed, but when in the darkness of the room, they heard Hero's voice calling them, both of them quickly understood that they probably wouldn't go to sleep as fast as they hoped.</p><p class="western"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We're reaching the end of this story. I had so much fun writing it.<br/>Thank you for staying with me during these to months.<br/>See you next time :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">"I can't believe you're making us doing this, just a week before the wedding."<br/>"It's not my fault if our shitty landlord got pissed and kicked us out."</p><p class="western">It was early March when Jens and Lucas had decided to start looking for a new, larger apartment. They were no longer students and could afford a house that was bigger than a studio. Things had moved very quickly when a flat in Sander and Robbe's building was vacated, and the two boys had immediately rented it.<br/>The problems arose when Jens and Lucas told their old landlord that they were leaving. He was so furious that had given them three days to pack their stuff and return the apartment as they had found it.<br/>Thus, at that moment, a week before Robbe and Sander's wedding, the four of them (and Hero, of course), were clearing out the small studio together. Robbe and Jens were packing everything up, while Sander and Lucas were painting the walls.</p><p class="western">"You don't seem sad to leave, Luc."<br/>"Why should I be?"<br/>"You got tons of memories here with Jens. It was your first home together."<br/>"I share those memories with Jens, who is my home. These four walls are just... walls."</p><p class="western">Lucas kept painting the wall, as if he hadn't just said out loud the sweetest thing ever, while Sander looked at him chuckling, thinking about how much his best friend had changed for the better.<br/>Hearing that sentence, Jens walked over to Lucas and hugged him tightly. It was nice to hear him talk in that way about their relationship, after all, they had been through during the previous year. Things were back to normal, maybe they were even better than before, now that they had learned to communicate.</p><p class="western">"Jens! I have paint all over my clothes. You’ll get dirty."<br/>"I don't care."</p><p class="western">The boy smiled and pressed his lips to Lucas's, preventing him from arguing. Robbe and Sander gave each other a knowing look, while Hero ran to his uncles, hugging their legs, wanting to be included in that little moment of affection.<br/><br/><br/>*<br/><br/><br/>It was almost dark outside when they finished carrying the last load of boxes to the new apartment, while the paint was drying. Lucas looked around, with a satisfied expression on his face and smiled.</p><p class="western">"This place was trash, but it turned out so cute, eventually. Imagine what I can do with the new apartment."<br/>"Sooner or later Robbe and I are going to ask for your help."<br/>"Really? I'd be honored."</p><p class="western">Taking turns, Lucas and Sander washed themselves in the small bathroom, then wore clothes without paint stains on them, and once finished changing, they found Robbe, Jens, and Hero waiting for them to leave together. Their faces looked tired, but it was understandable since they also had to take care of the child.</p><p class="western">"There you are! We’re still on time to hand back the keys to that monstrous man. Let's go."</p><p class="western">Lucas put on his beanie and jacket, collected his belongings, and walked out the front door, following Sander and Robbe, who had stopped just past the threshold, to wait for him and Jens. Hero was in his papa's arms and kept yawning adorably.<br/>"Hey, baby Hero! I can't wait to see you every day. Jens, c'mon, we're gonna be late."<br/>"Lucas, turn around."<br/>"Why, did I forget someth-"</p><p class="western">When the boy turned around, he saw Jens still in the apartment, kneeling, with a small box in his hand, from which a silver ring peeped out. Lucas gave him a huge smile, as joyful tears were already filling his blue eyes. He couldn't believe what was happening. He didn't feel he deserved it after what he had put Jens through last year, so he had even stopped talking about it a long time before. Lucas slowly approached his boyfriend, still totally incredulous, and reached out to gently caress his cheek.</p><p class="western">"We had a plan. Remember? During our first year of university, when you left for Utrecht, and we broke up, I told you how I had always imagined things would go between us, and then, when we got back together, you told me, you wanted that life too. "<br/>"We were supposed to live together in the smallest and shittiest flat for a few years, and then you were supposed to..."</p><p class="western">Lucas recited those words by heart, not daring to continue. How could he forget that message? He'd reread it so many times, with his eyes full of tears when he and Jens were no longer together, and over the years he'd always checked it back to see if what he was doing, met all the items on that list. It was his compass, and the fact that it was the same for Jens filled his heart with joy. Despite the quarrels and breakups, they were truly soulmates.</p><p class="western">"I was supposed to ask you to marry me, yes. I'm glad you remember. That list is one of the most precious memories I have, and I hope we can make happen everything written on it. We met at 14, but the day my life changed forever, was that day at the skate-park. I remember you were sad because you lost the train to get to your mama in Utrecht. We were sitting next to each other, and I finally got the courage to hold your hand. You immediately snuggled to my side, as if it was the most natural thing to you. I wanted to be that close, for the rest of my life. I know you remember that day, I know you also remember the secrets we told. That day you became my best friend, Lucas, because I felt free to be myself, all of myself, for the first time. I want to spend the rest of my life with my best friend, and I wanna die with you at 150 years old while holding your hand. So, Lucas van der Heijden, will you marry me?"<br/>"Yes, yes, yes."</p><p class="western">Jens stood up and Lucas immediately threw himself into his arms, making their lips collide, completely forgetting about the ring, which ended up on the floor. Jens lifted him, and the other wrapped his legs around his waist. They looked at each other for a few seconds, laughing through their tears, both a little incredulous at what had just happened. A little more in love, than they were five minutes before.<br/>When Hero saw the faces of his uncles filled with tears, fearing that they were both in pain, he began to sob. Sander and Robbe started laughing because their baby was ruining one of their best friends' most romantic moments, and it was absolutely comical.<br/>Robbe was able to catch his breath first, trying to console Hero as best he could.</p><p class="western">"Baby, don't cry. Everything’s fine."<br/>"Boo-boo."<br/>"I know it sounds weird, but I promise they are not hurt. Look, they are both smiling!"</p><p class="western">Meanwhile, Jens had put Lucas down and retrieved the ring from the floor, finally putting it on his fiance’s finger. Lucas watched him for a moment. He wanted to pinch himself. What he was experiencing couldn't be real. He couldn't be that lucky. The boy looked up at Jens who had the most beautiful smile painted on his face, and kissed him on the lips, giving him one last hug, before taking his hand and dragging him to the child who was still crying his eyes out.</p><p class="western">"Don't worry, Hero. We’re never been happier in our life. Come here and hug your uncles."</p><p class="western"><br/><br/>*<br/><br/><br/>After congratulating the happy couple, Sander, Robbe, and Hero returned home. The child was so tired and nervous that making him feel comfortable, during the drive back, had been a nightmare. It was almost eight in the evening, and usually, by then, he was already in bed.<br/>Robbe held Hero in his arms, while Sander was searching for the key to open the front door.</p><p class="western">"They were so cute. I've never seen Jens so happy."<br/>"But my proposal was better, right?"<br/>"I don't know, I mean, Jens got on his knee."</p><p class="western">"I’m sorry if I was so nervous I couldn't stand!"<br/>"If you say so."</p><p class="western">Robbe threw a skeptical look at Sander but then smiled, passing him by and entering the house. He put Hero on the floor and began to take off his jacket, when something unusual caught his attention, making him frown.</p><p class="western">"Baby, did you left the lights on?"<br/>"No, I didn't."</p><p class="western">Sander immediately became more alert, hearing noises coming from inside the apartment. He had never dealt with such a situation, or at least, this was the first time he found himself being the adult who had to manage it. He took his phone from his pocket, ready to call the police if necessary.</p><p class="western">"Maybe it's your mama."<br/>"I'll go check inside. You stay here with Hero."</p><p class="western">Before Robbe could add something to object, a person came out of the kitchen, and for the boys, it was like seeing a ghost. Their worst nightmare was standing in front of them, even though nothing was threatening on the girl's face. On the contrary, she was smiling, clearly embarrassed by that situation.<br/>Robbe instinctively took Hero in his arms, hugging him and Sander stood in front of both of them as if to protect his family.</p><p class="western">"Hi."<br/>"Charlotte, what are you doing here? You scared us."<br/>"I'm sorry, I still had my key, and I knew you were living here, but I needed a place to stay while I'm back."</p><p class="western">The girl shifted her gaze to Robbe, and then, hesitantly, allowed herself to look at the child who was staring at her.<br/>Charlotte shook her head, thinking of all those stories about the bond between a mother and his child. If she had seen that baby walk casually down the street, she probably wouldn't have even recognized him. It was as if the newborn, she had left, over a year ago, and the baby in front of her wasn't even the same person.<br/>She smiled because from the way the little boy was holding on tight to Robbe, Charlotte realized that blood ties are nothing if they are not nurtured every day, with love and affection. She had given birth to that child, yet they were two strangers, however, Robbe, who didn’t share a tiny part of his DNA with him, was everything for that kid.</p><p class="western">"He grew up so much. He looks just like you, Sander."<br/>"That’s what everyone says."<br/>"Robbe, please, you don’t have to hold him that way, I won’t try to steal him."<br/>"I'm sorry, but this is just too weird. I’ll let you and Sander talk. Hero needs to eat and bathe."</p><p class="western">Robbe took Hero away, and Charlotte waved at him, receiving the same gesture in return from the baby, who was still looking at her with curiosity, as he was sucking on his pacifier. The two disappeared into the kitchen, and the girl kept looking in that direction until Sander's voice brought her back to reality.</p><p class="western">"Let's go to the living room, so we can sit."</p><p class="western">The twins walked side by side to the living room. The silence between them was strangely embarrassing, and for both of them, it was something new. They were used to share everything and to understand each other quickly, even without the need to speak, but at that moment, there was an invisible wall keeping them apart. Neither of them found the other familiar. The way the other talked and moved, it was all new. Nearly two years apart had done much more, than 22 years together.<br/>They sat on opposite sides of the sofa and peered at each other, both uncertain about how to start the conversation, they both had imagined so many times.</p><p class="western">"Why you're here, Charlotte?"<br/>"I wanted to see you before your wedding. I didn’t want to ruin your big day."<br/>"Ruin? What do you mean?"</p><p class="western">The boy frowned, immediately feeling anxious for those words, and his sister noticed it and nodded as if she had expected such a reaction.</p><p class="western">"Calm down, Sander. I just didn't want to appear during the ceremony and make you worry all the time. You should focus on Robbe that day."<br/>"I guess, thank you for being so thoughtful then... and for coming back for my wedding."<br/>"I promised you, I would be here."</p><p class="western">Charlotte instinctively moved her hand closer to her brother's but withdrew it immediately. Sander was still suspicious, and the girl didn't want to force anything, especially because she wanted to explain her reasons, without escalating the discussion. She tried to appear calm, but she had never felt so anxious in front of Sander. During the return trip on the plane, she had made sure to prevent her mind from going in that direction, to avoid spiraling, but it had been difficult.</p><p class="western">"I know, but after that letter, everything changed between us."<br/>"It wasn’t because of the letter, it was because of what you did."<br/>"I had to."<br/>"You didn’t ask about my feelings, though. I didn’t want to be a mother. Not at 22 and alone. But leaving him was still so hard for me, Sander. Do you know why I couldn't touch him? Because I knew, if I did, I wouldn't be able to give him up for adoption. I loved him so much. I felt him grow inside of me. I felt butterflies in my belly every time he moved. He kept me alive when Max left me. I owe him so much."</p><p class="western">Sander sighed, trying to put himself in his sister's shoes, but failing. Hearing all those romantic lines coming out of her mouth, made him even angrier. He didn't understand how she could have left him. How anyone could even think of letting go of that perfect child, he had loved to death from the very first moment.</p><p class="western">"But you left him, eventually, and I couldn’t. Even if I didn’t feel him grow inside of me. I just couldn't, Charlotte. When I hold him, I know I did the right thing. I can't imagine my life being any different. You loved him, yes, but I love him every day, he’s my son, and Robbe’s, of course."</p><p class="western">Although Sander's tone sounded harsh, Charlotte was relieved to hear those words. She had always feared that his brother wanted to keep the baby with him, only because he felt compelled to do so. She was afraid that, because of her, he was wasting his youth forever. He was sacrificing his life, fighting a cause that wasn't his own.</p><p class="western">"So you didn’t regret anything."<br/>"I do regret ruining our relationship, and a couple of other things."<br/>"I miss you. Everyday. And if you’re worried about me trying to take away your son, don’t be. I don’t know if I can handle this situation, but I won’t ever do something so awful to you. I’d rather stay away from you forever, than hurt you and Robbe in that way. "</p><p class="western">Sander leaned his back against the sofa, suddenly more relaxed. The weight, that had been compressing his chest for nearly two years, had dissolved instantly, after what his sister had said. He no longer had to worry about someone taking Hero away from him and Robbe. He wanted to run to his fiance and share the news, but he decided to wait a few more moments.<br/>He smiled gratefully, looking at his sister in the eyes.</p><p class="western">"This is the best wedding gift I could ask for."<br/>"Me staying away from you?"<br/>"What? No."<br/>"I was kidding, Sander."<br/>"I'm happy my silly Charlotte is back."</p><p class="western">Sander closed the distance that separated them and hugged Charlotte for the first time in two years, realizing how much he had missed her, and what it had cost him to be constantly angry with her. It had been two years of restless sleep nights, and anxious stomach aches, which he had only been able to overcome thanks to Robbe's calming presence in his life. But at that moment, he felt as if everything had been blown away, like when after a long pouring rain night, the sun shines again on a new day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hiiii! Huge chapter for the gang, uh?<br/>The twins are finally on good terms and Lucas and Jens are getting married too!<br/>I wanted to give them some closure too.<br/>Ready for a wedding?</p><p>Thanks for all the comments and kudos as always &lt;3<br/>See you next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robbe was pissed. Rationally, he knew, Sander couldn't take him aside to explain what he and Charlotte had talked about. It would have been rude, although it was also rude to break into someone else's house, without giving all the tenants an explanation.<br/>Robbe had disappeared earlier with Hero, leaving no room or time for Charlotte to explain herself, but that situation was making him feel uncomfortable, and he needed to get out.<br/>When he put Hero to bed, he went back to the living room, and the twins seemed to have cleared things up. They were both in a good mood, laughing and joking as if nothing had happened.</p><p>Sander would always forgive Charlotte right away, and Robbe couldn't stand it. He thought that the girl would always give for granted their relationship, because, sooner or later, despite everything, he would come back to her.<br/>Robbe had seen Sander struggle for two years. He had seen his thoughts keep him awake at night and make him sick to his stomach. He stayed awake with him and cuddled him, made him some herbal teas, kept him warm in his arms, but nothing had been as effective as those twenty minutes spent with Charlotte.<br/>Sander wasn't rational when it came to her, and Robbe knew it too well.</p><p>Robbe stared at the slice of pizza on his plate, he had barely eaten. His hunger had vanished as soon as he crossed the threshold and saw Charlotte, but he tried to eat something, while the twins chatted about this and that, without paying any attention to him.</p><p>“Lucas and Jens got engaged today!”<br/>“Really?”<br/>“Yes, we were helping them to move out and suddenly Jens got on his knee.”<br/>“Move out?”</p><p>Despite everything, Charlotte was much less dramatic than she was two years ago. Her reactions were more composed. It had been odd not to see her slam her hands on the table, as soon as she discovered that her best friend was engaged. She hadn't screamed or raised her voice. The girl simply smiled and resumed drinking her diet coke.</p><p>“They live in this building now.”<br/>“I'm gonna congratulate them.”<br/>“You should go with her, Sander.”</p><p>It was one of the few things Robbe had said during that evening, and it sounded more like an order than an invitation. Sander paid attention to the tone in his fiancee’s voice, and he frowned, trying to understand what was happening, but Robbe's flat expression prevented him from reading him as easily as usual. He could imagine it was about Charlotte, so he didn't investigate any further. Sander looked at his sister, while a thousand questions began to crowd his head.</p><p>“Yeah, alright. Let's go.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Charlotte had called Alice to warn her that she was in town, and she had insisted that her daughter join her in her new home to spend the night there. The girl had gladly accepted, first of all, because despite breaking into their house, she didn't want to disturb Sander and Robbe, and then she wanted to give them some privacy. She knew they needed to talk and that they were both probably waiting to be left alone to do so. So, when the girl took her things and said goodbye to her brother, Sander closed the door and went immediately to his room. <br/>Ever since Robbe had told him to go with his sister to Jens and Lucas' house, he had felt anxious. He hated arguing with Robbe, but most of all, he hated not being able to fix things right away. He needed to know what was going through his fiancee’s mind. What was hurting him.<br/>Sander found the other already in bed, and when he sat down, Robbe didn’t even look up from the laptop he had on his legs.<br/>Sander sighed, placing his head on Robbe’s shoulder.</p><p>“Talk to me, please.”</p><p>The boy closed his laptop a little too hard, but he settled down to let Sander snuggle up, and he did it immediately, of course. He took the other's hand in his own, starting to draw small circles on the back of it with his thumb.</p><p>“You can't think straight because you missed her too much.”<br/>“Meaning?”<br/>“I'm not comfortable when she's around our baby. We don't know what she wants, and you just let her in once again, as nothing happened.”</p><p>Sander wrapped his arms around Robbe's waist and gave him a feather-light kiss on his neck in an attempt to relax him. All the feelings his fiancee was having were valid and justified. It was true, that he had let Charlotte come back into their lives too easily, but she was his sister and he couldn't help but trust her. Still, he was happy to have Robbe watching his back. He felt protected.</p><p>“I understand you’re still scared, but my sister promised, she won’t do anything to hurt us.”<br/>“We can't trust her. Charlotte had always been impulsive, and she had been away for two years. You don't know her anymore.”<br/>“What do you want me to do?”</p><p>Robbe closed his eyes, sighing in frustration, and brought his hands to his temples, starting to massage them. Within a week away from their marriage, they should both have been stupidly happy. They should be focusing on their relationship. Instead, they always found themselves thinking about the same thing.</p><p>“I just wanna sign that stupid adoption papers.”<br/>“I know, but we still need to wait for you to turn 25.”<br/>“Then you should do it first. You’ll be 25 in a month.”<br/>“Robbe...”<br/>“I can't risk it. I won’t lose my son because of this.”<br/>“It won’t happen, okay? But I'll do whatever makes you happy.”</p><p>Sander sat up and hugged Robbe, pulling him close. He knew the other was feeling vulnerable at that moment, and he needed to be comforted. He put his fingers in his hair and kissed his forehead, while Robbe slipped his hands under Sander’s sweatshirt to touch his bare skin. When Robbe was feeling fragile, he always sought physical contact and Sander was glad to please him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve never thought about us as his uncles until I saw her tonight. The truth hit me so hard I wanted to cry.”</p><p>Hearing Robbe's pain come to life in the form of those words, hurt him, because he realized that there was something deeper, than the fear that Hero would be taken away from them. Robbe's pain was linked something real, that unfortunately, couldn’t be changed, even if they wanted to, and probably one day, they would have faced it with their child, but, he was sure, they would find a way to make it as painless as possible for everyone, loving Hero as if it had been genetically their son.</p><p>“We’re his papa and his dad. Jens and Lucas are his uncles. He’s our son, we’ll legally adopt him soon. He’ll grow up so happy with us, and at some point, he’s gonna get a brother or a sister, with your doe eyes, your dimples, and your curls.”</p><p>Finally, a small smile appeared on Robbe's lips, after hearing those words. He lifted his face and looked at Sander dreamily, imagining their future together. There was still time, and it would be years before all those dreams would come true, but they both couldn't wait to live them.</p><p>“Hero is always gonna be my favorite, and I’m gonna die if he’ll look like you at 16. I won’t ever be able to say him no.”</p><p>Sander shook his head, laughing, and pressed his lips to his fiancee’s. In his heart, he hoped that Hero would take Robbe's calm and responsible personality because otherwise, they would have had a hard time dealing with the most spoiled teenager in the world.</p><p>“We're naming the next one Bowie.”<br/>“Sander, no.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Robbe loved Sander more than anything, and overall, he couldn’t resist his puppy eyes. So when his fiancee asked him to let Charlotte and Hero get to know each other, he had no choice but agree. In general, things hadn't gone badly. Robbe hadn't taken his eyes off the two for a second, expecting to see who knows what atavistic bond, but nothing strange had happened. Hero had behaved as usual. He was shy at first but then he offered the girl his toys. He wasn't as obsessed with her as he was with Jens and Lucas. Whenever the two had joined him and Charlotte, Hero had devoted most of his attention to them.<br/>Thus, Robbe should have been calmer. Instead, he was sitting there, pretending to read a book, while keeping an eye on the girl and the baby. He felt stupid to feel all that jealousy, but he just couldn't help it.<br/>When he saw the girl, take Hero in her arms and make him sit on her lap, he could no longer contain himself.</p><p>“Can you stop treating him like a doll? He doesn't know you. And you don't know if he's uncomfortable being held by you like that.”<br/>“I guess he would be crying if he was uncomfortable.”<br/>“You can't just assume things.”</p><p>Charlotte let go of Hero and looked Robbe straight in the eye. She had a surprised expression on her face, that became regretful after a while. The girl sighed, biting her lip, remaining silent for a few seconds, probably looking for the right words to use in that delicate moment.</p><p>“Robbe, look, I'm not trying to do anything here. I know he's your son. I'm just trying to get to know him. He's my twin brother's son too.”<br/>“Your twin brother is about to become my husband in three days.”<br/>“What does it mean now?”</p><p>The girl raised her eyebrows, completely blown away by Robbe's response, who by now, due to the anger and frustration accumulated in the previous days, had lost all restraints. <br/>At that moment, for him, it was about Hero as well as Sander.</p><p>“You always did that, Charlotte. You claim people as your proprieties. Sander and Lucas are not 17 anymore. They are men, and they can’t run to the rescue every time you want.”</p><p>Robbe immediately regretted his words. He had probably been too harsh, even though that was exactly what he had wanted to say for years. It was the truth. Things had always been that way. Whenever Charlotte behaved irresponsibly, there was always someone ready to get her out of trouble. The last time was when she left Hero and disappeared for two years.</p><p>“I don't need to be rescued.” She said it in a barely audible voice, lowering her gaze. She stayed still for a few moments, but when she suddenly regained control of herself, that flame of pride, that was typical of Charlotte, shone in her eyes again. "Why are you attacking me like this? Tell me what’s wrong, so we can talk like adults.”</p><p>Robbe had never been so happy that Hero didn't fully understand what they were talking about, but even though neither of them raised their voices, the child sensed that something was wrong, because he kept shifting his gaze from his dad to Charlotte.</p><p>“You came back with no explanation after two years! How am I supposed to trust you, if I don’t know your plan?”<br/>“I don't have a plan. I don't even know how am I adjusting to this situation. It's weird to me as much as it is to you.”<br/>“It is very weird to me. It's making me question my role in his life.”</p><p>That sentence had come out of his mouth almost like a confession, and realizing it, the boy sighed, burying his face in his hands. He didn't like feeling that way, insecure, nervous, and fragile. He had stopped feeling like that for some time now. Robbe had left that part of himself to his adolescence, to a dark period that he would have liked to forget, but instead, it always resurfaced somehow.<br/>Charlotte rose to her feet and went to sit on the sofa next to Robbe, placing her hand on his knee and squeezing it as encouragement.</p><p>“You are his dad. That’s not in question, Robbe. It will never change. I made a choice two years ago, and I'm not regretting it. I'm happy you and Sander are his fathers. I know he has a loving family, and he's going to be safe for the rest of his life.”</p><p>Charlotte smiled softly. She had watery eyes, like Robbe, who nodded, taking the girl's hand in his own. Maybe he shouldn't have been so childish with her because, after all, he would have been eternally grateful to Charlotte and her impulsiveness. Thanks to her he had the best gift that life had given him.<br/>Hero suddenly walked over to them and pointed to Robbe with his index finger, looking the girl in the eye.</p><p>“Dad.”<br/>“Yes, baby! He's your dad! Next time you're in doubt, Robbe, remember to ask this little bean here first. After all, his opinion is the only one that matters.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Robbe had been waiting for that day for years, yet at that moment, alone, in his bed, he couldn’t help but be nervous. It was the night before the wedding, and he and Sander had decided by mutual agreement to spend apart the few hours that separated them from the big day. When they had said goodbye, and Sander had left the house to go to sleep upstairs, at Lucas and Jens’, Robbe had instantly regretted that decision. The house was strangely quiet. Hero was already sleeping in his room, and Robbe didn't know what to do.<br/>Everything was ready for the small ceremony: his black suit was ironed and hung in the closet, together with his tie and shirt. He had already showered, but he felt too restless to watch a movie or read anything.<br/>He decided to make himself a relaxing herbal tea and crawl into bed, hoping to get some sleep, but the truth was that sleeping without Sander's body pressed against his was not easy at all. He changed his position for the hundredth time and snorted, pondering whether he should move to the sofa to watch some boring television program, when the bedroom door opened, revealing Sander’s figure, smiling mischievously.</p><p>“What are you doing here? You were supposed to sleep upstairs!”<br/>“I'm not superstitious, and besides, I miss you.”<br/>“We saw each other two hours ago.”</p><p>Sander closed the door behind him, turned on the little lamp on the bedside table, and slipped under the covers, pulling Robbe closer, to hold him against his body. He kissed him softly and then, just before answering, he pouted adorably.</p><p>“I know, but I'm too happy about tomorrow and I needed to share my excitement with you.”<br/>“You're cute.”</p><p>Robbe cupped Sander’s face with both of his hands, to look him in the eye. In just a few hours, he would become a husband for that man in front of him, and he couldn’t believe his luck. That smart, caring, talented, sweet, loud, soft, handsome man. His best friend. The love of his life. The father of his son. His soulmate. They had grown up together, hand in hand, and in a few hours, they would have sworn eternal love in front of everyone.</p><p>“You okay, angel?”</p><p>Sander smiled slightly, pushing away the hair from the other’s forehead, holding his gaze, until Robbe nodded, pressing theirs together. He reached out to turn off the light on the nightstand and straddled Sander, pulling off his shirt. He left a trail of wet kisses on his chest, going up towards the neck, while the other sighed heavily, bending his head to leave Robbe room. Sander slipped both hands under the elastic of his fiancee's boxers and squeezed his butt, pushing his hips upwards at the same time, in search of some friction. Robbe let out a moan and pressed the last kiss on the soft spot behind Sander's ear.</p><p>“I want you.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Robbe woke up shivering, feeling the cold air hit his bare skin. Still, with her eyes closed, he reached out for Sander's warm body, whimpering when he felt the other side bed empty. He slowly opened his eyes to find Sander sitting on the edge of the bed, putting on the sweatpants that had been hurriedly thrown on the floor the night before, along with the rest of their clothes.</p><p>“Where are you going?”</p><p>Sander turned his face and looked over his shoulder, giving Robbe a bright smile.</p><p>“Sorry I didn’t mention earlier, but I have to get married in a few hours.”<br/>“Too bad. I hope he's handsome.”<br/>“Yeah, he is. He has the prettiest doe eyes and the cutest dimples.”</p><p>Robbe smiled, slipping almost completely under the covers, too cold to try to be the least bit sexy. He let out from his warm shelter only his head, and his fiancee reached out to caress her hair.</p><p>“Tell me again why we decided to go there separately.”<br/>“I promise it's gonna be worth it, Robbe.”<br/>“Yeah, you told the same thing about sleeping apart the night before the wedding.”</p><p>Sander laughed and leaned towards his fiancee to kiss his lips one last time. He was thrilled at the thought that the next time he saw Robbe, he would become his husband. But leaving that bed was being a torture. He kissed Robbe’s lips again, then the tip of his nose, cheek, and forehead. He stood up and felt butterflies in his belly, looking at the beautiful man in front of him.</p><p>“Can't wait to see you there. I love you.”<br/>“I love you too.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Jens watched his best friend get up from the couch for the tenth time in less than five minutes, fixing the knot of his tie, which was already perfect. He stood up too and walked over to Robbe, placing a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down a bit. The dressing room was quiet and the tension could be cut with a knife.</p><p>“How are you?”</p><p>He asked looking at Robbe through the mirror. They had never been so stylish, both wearing tight black suits. Their hair was strangely in order, especially Robbe’s, who had been resisting for hours the urge to stick his fingers inside it, as he did whenever he was nervous. As soon as Sander was gone, he felt his anxiety building up. Luckily he'd had to take care of Hero, otherwise, he would surely have a panic attack.<br/>When Alice had come to take the child, Jens had immediately joined him.</p><p>“I’m on the verge of crying since I showered this morning. I’ve never been this emotional in my entire life.”</p><p>Jens smiled, trying to imagine how he would feel on his wedding day. Since he had proposed to Lucas a week ago, they had started talking about it all the time and he was tempted to drag his fiancee somewhere to get married in secret, but that morning, that thought had become terribly irresistible.</p><p>“I'm happy to be here by your side right now. I'm thinking about the first time we met, and now you're about to get married.”<br/>“Jens, you're not helping. At all.”</p><p>Robbe looked away from the mirror, looking for something to distract himself, but nothing seemed tempting enough. He wished he had a drink to calm himself down, but at the same time, he wanted to be completely sober and remember every second of that day.<br/>When there was a knock on the door, Robbe immediately turned himself to see his mother's face peeking out. He smiled warmly and walked over to hold her in a tight hug. He was happy to have her there. She had told him, she would never miss his wedding but they both knew her health conditions could change within hours.</p><p>“You look handsome, honey.”<br/>“Thanks, mama.”<br/>“I met Sander while I was coming here, he was over the moon.”<br/>“I can't wait to see him.”</p><p>The two released the embrace and then the woman greeted Jens in the same way. She seemed really calm and serene, and Robbe couldn’t help but feel a warm wave of joy in his chest. During the darkest times of his adolescence, he would never have imagined finding his soul mate, let alone getting married and being surrounded by people who would accept him and shower him with love, including his mother.</p><p>“I'm gonna see if Sander is ready to go.”</p><p>Jens left his best friend and his mother alone to talk in Robbe's quiet and peaceful room, to enter Sander's, where the situation was completely different. Sander, who was sitting dramatically in a chair, held his head in his hands as utter chaos surrounded around him. Charlotte and Lucas played with Hero, making him scream in amusement, while Alice and Theo, Sander's father, were discussing something, sipping champagne.<br/>Jens approached Lucas to kiss his cheek, and Sander, who had only noticed Jens' presence at that moment, raised his head.</p><p>“Lucas, can you stop checking your fiancee's butt?”<br/>“Sorry, can't help.”<br/>“Butt.”</p><p>Hearing Hero say that word, the room fell into dead silence and everyone began to look into each other's eyes, only to burst out laughing immediately afterward. Sander rolled his eyes, exasperated.</p><p>“Awesome. A nice new word! Perfect to scream today during the ceremony, right?”<br/>“Sander, calm down. Why are you freaking out all of a sudden?”</p><p>Charlotte frowned, alarmed by her brother's strange behavior. Everyone expected to see the boy full of energy and happiness, but at that moment he had a black cloud over his head.</p><p>“I just wanna see him. I need him to stay grounded, but I can't right now because I'm supposed to go out first and wait for him.”<br/>“Just stop with this. You guys should walk there together with your baby. That’s how you and Robbe always did everything. Together.”</p><p>Sander looked his sister in the eye and nodded. Suddenly it all made more sense. Being apart had always been a mistake for the two of them, and it had never led to anything good. It wasn’t the right time to start changing things. The boy took Hero in his arms and walked out the door, quickly crossing the hallway, entering Robbe's room without knocking.<br/>When he saw him, Sander gasped feeling his knees give in and his head spin, because everything clicked. In a few minutes, he was going to marry the love of his life. He put Hero on the floor, who immediately ran to hug his dad, and closed the door behind him, leaning against it, trying to save in his memory, the image of Robbe at that moment. He was just perfect.</p><p>“Sander? What are you doing here?”<br/>“Robbe, you look-”<br/>“Don't you dare. I'm holding my tears since this morning.”</p><p>Robbe pointed his index finger at the other for a few seconds, looking him in the eyes, until Sander made the gesture of closing his lips with an invisible zipper, then Robbe smiled at him, shaking his head. He took Hero up and went to his fiancee, cupping his cheek with his hand, smiling softly at him. Both of them were emotional and had watery eyes. They lost a few minutes, savoring each other with their gaze. It was one of the best moments of their life and they both wanted to enjoy it and acknowledge their own emotions.<br/>Sander tilted his head towards Robbe's hand and closed his eyes, feeling more relaxed. He was still amazed by how his body reacted to the other’s presence. As soon as Robbe entered his orbit, it was as if something inside him knew that everything would be fine.</p><p>“I was freaking out without you, and Charlotte suggested we should walk out together with Hero because that’s the only way we work.”<br/>“I'm happy your sister is smarter than us.”<br/>“Me too.”<br/>“You're stunning, by the way. Although, I can't wait to take your black suit off tonight.”</p><p>They smiled and Sander wrapped his arms around Robbe's waist, resting his head on his shoulder and looking Hero in the eye. The baby had calmed down too, as soon as his dad had picked him up. Perhaps there was really something in the Driesen's DNA that made them react that way in Robbe’s presence.<br/>Sander wished he had a button to fast-forward the whole ceremony and party. He wanted to be alone with the love of his life. A little drunk on wine, happiness, and tiredness, with loose ties, half-unbuttoned shirts, tight in each other's hug, dancing to an imaginary song, in their bedroom. What he wanted most from that day wasn't the celebration, but the way he knew he and Robbe would feel closer, like they belonged to each other a little more, for the rest of their lives.</p><p>That idyll in Sander's mind was interrupted by a knock on the door behind him, and Lucas's voice brought him back to reality.</p><p>“It's time!”</p><p>Robbe offered him the most breathtaking smile ever. He took his shaky hand and squeezed it in his own. Sander didn't know how he could get through the whole ceremony, given the way he was already feeling. <br/>He wanted to tell Robbe everything he had in his mind and heart. He wanted to tell him that he loved him, that he was happy, that he was the luckiest man on earth. That growing up with him had been the best thing that happened to him. He wanted to thank him for teaching him love. For becoming his family. For every gesture, and every word that had saved him from his darkest moments. For always keeping his heart safe, for forgiving him, and for always making him feel at home. For making him feel truly himself. He wanted to tell him all of that and a billion other things more, but he knew his voice would fail him as soon as he tried to say more than two words, so he said the one thing, that could sum up every day of their past, present and future life.</p><p>“Together?”<br/>“Together.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was the last one. There's gonna be an epilogue the next week, but this is pretty much it. <br/>Thank you for all the love you guys gave me. This was my first fanfic and I'm happy I managed to finish it!<br/>I already have something new in mind. It's probably gonna be a social media au, so if you're interested, you'll find it on my tumblr blog @universe-n-3276</p><p>See you next week &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He shouldn’t have been there.<br/>
He knew that if someone found him on the school’s rooftop, he would immediately be lectured by the headmaster, who obviously would call his parents, and he could already imagine the concerned look on his father’s face. Whenever he did something stupid, that man always had the same look painted on his face, and he couldn’t stand it anymore.<br/>
But the boy couldn’t help it. He needed it. When he felt things overwhelming him (it often happened during the lunch break), he needed to feel the comfort that arose from watching his schoolmates from above, small as ants, move around frenetically.<br/>
On the roof of the school, alone, the noises and people around him were far away. The air was fresh, and the perspective changed completely.<br/>
Three months earlier, during his last exams of the semester, he had begun to feel different. Everything he felt was amplified. He was full of energy and able to do anything. He had been awake, night after night, writing, planning, drawing.<br/>
During the day, as he answered all the quiz, he felt confident, he knew everything, then the verdicts came.<br/>
He had failed all his tests and in his mind, his teachers were trying to set him up, they wanted him to fail.<br/>
He had fought furiously with his parents, and it was weird because he was used to talking with them, and not screaming his lungs out, but he was only a sixteen-year-old, and teenagers usually argue a lot with their parents, right?</p><p>Then during the Christmas break, he had started to spend whole days locked in his room, until he no longer wanted to go out or get out of bed, and after that moment there were only doctors, pills, and worried looks.<br/>
He hated feeling that way, he hated not being able to control it. He felt as if an alien had moved into his brain and had taken control over it. He just wanted to feel like before, he wanted to go back to being the happy and carefree person he had always been.<br/>
The boy heard the door open behind him and turned quickly, hoping he hadn’t been caught, but he immediately recognized a familiar face and raised a hand in greeting, allowing himself to smile a bit.<br/>
He wanted to be left alone, but he liked Eva’s company.<br/>
The girl had auburn, straight hair, very fair skin, covered with freckles, and blue eyes, identical to her father’s.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Hero David Driesen-IJzermans, you’re so weird.”<br/>
“I did nothing.”<br/>
“School is supposed to help you develop your social skills, you know? And you spend your time here alone.”<br/>
“I'm not feeling well.”<br/>
<br/>
Eva's lively gaze softened. He walked over to Hero and placed a hand on his back, moving it in a circular motion, to try to give him relief.<br/>
<br/>
“You should call your fathers.”<br/>
“I called Charlotte. My dad is busy at work and my papa has always a stupid worried look on his face when something happens, and I don't wanna see it.”<br/>
<br/>
The girl nodded, and was silent for a few moments, staring down at the schoolyard full of their classmates enjoying their free-time.<br/>
<br/>
“Have you told Camille you're hiding here?”<br/>
“No. I broke up with them.”<br/>
“Why?”<br/>
“We weren't right for each other.”<br/>
<br/>
Hero bit his lip. Breaking up with Camille had been difficult. He had thought about it for a long time, not knowing if it was the right decision if it was really what he wanted or that sense of impatience was just a side symptom of the disease.<br/>
<br/>
“You know, since our parents have these great stories about being with their soulmates since they were teenagers, I always feel under pressure. What if I won’t find that ineffable love?”<br/>
“They always say <em>when you know, you know</em>, so don't worry too much about it.”<br/>
<br/>
The boy gave Eva a small smile as he retrieved his ringing phone from the pocket. He looked at the screen, picking up his backpack from the ground and put it on his shoulder, happy to finally get out of that school that made him feel caged.<br/>
<br/>
“I gotta go now, Charlotte is here. Bye Ev.”<br/>
“Bye, weirdo.”<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><br/>
-<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><br/>
Hero didn’t remember the exact moment when he was told that Charlotte was his biological mother. It was as if he had always known, and it had never been strange. He had seen movies where the main characters discovered as teenagers that they had been adopted, and were traumatized by the idea that those who they had always believed their parents were strangers.<br/>
<br/>
He just couldn't put himself in those people's shoes, because he was convinced that a family went far beyond the DNA and that all the love and the affection he had received from his parents since childhood, were what would tie them together for the rest of their life.<br/>
Charlotte had given him life, but only with his fathers, he felt safe.<br/>
However, Hero knew, he was lucky to know who his mother was. To be able to talk to and see her every day. He knew his story, and he didn't have a thousand question marks floating in his head when he thought about who he was, or where he came from.<br/>
He knew why Charlotte had decided to let him be adopted, and he knew, it wasn’t his fault. Since he had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder three months earlier, he understood her choice even better.<br/>
<br/>
Sometimes he had talked to Eva about the fact that they had both been adopted, but the affinities of their stories ended there. She didn't know anything about her biological parents, she didn't know her story and this made her suffer, even though she was grateful for the love, she had received from Jens and Lucas since she was a child.<br/>
Eva had lived in a foster home until she was adopted by the two boys at the age of five, and because of this, she still had memories of when she felt abandoned and alone in the world.<br/>
<br/>
Hero had never felt the same way. He had always had two parents, an aunt, two uncles, four grandparents, and eventually, a sister. There was no space to feel alone.<br/>
<br/>
When he came out of school, he saw Charlotte waiting for him and smiled at her, walking in her direction. When they were in front of each other, she promptly squeezed him in a hug, and Hero immediately felt some of the tension vanish.<br/>
He was sixteen and most of his friends shunned their family, trying to spend a lot of time away from home among their peers. But since he had his first episode, he felt comfortable only with his family. He knew, he could finally let his guard down because they would take care of everything.<br/>
<br/>
“Thanks for picking me up, Aunt Charlotte.”<br/>
“Anytime, baby. Let's grab some hot chocolate, okay?”<br/>
<br/>
Hero nodded slowly, following Charlotte who had started walking. He had heard so many stories about her. When she was young, his aunt was the life of the party, ready to joke around. She hadn't changed much over the years. Charlotte was a funny person and always had a smile on her face. She lived with her girlfriend Ellie in a house by the river. They had no children, but Hero knew they were both very happy with their busy lives.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
When they sat facing each other in the cafeteria, waiting for their order, Charlotte looked Hero in the eye, and the boy suddenly felt exposed, as if there was no way could he have lied without the other noticing.<br/>
<br/>
“How are you feeling?”<br/>
“I felt a bit overwhelmed at school, but now I'm fine.”<br/>
“It was the same for me, but I pushed myself so hard all the time, just to fit in, that after some time it almost felt normal.”<br/>
“Should I do that too?”<br/>
<br/>
Maybe Charlotte had the answer to all of his problems. Perhaps following her footsteps would lead him to regain his lost normality. So when Hero asked that question, his tone came out far more hopeful than he wanted. The woman looked at him sweetly and reached out to stroke his cheek.<br/>
<br/>
“No, baby. I know how it feels like you have no control over your mind or your body, but it’s not like that. It’s like learning to drive a new car: everything is new at first and you are scared but eventually, you’ll get used to it.”<br/>
“So I'll be able to control this thing, eventually?”<br/>
“Not really, but you will know how to deal with it, and also, all the people around you will know what to do to help you.”<br/>
<br/>
Hero sighed, looking down. He felt trapped in a tunnel with no exit.<br/>
<br/>
“It's frustrating.”<br/>
“Yeah. But if you go to therapy and take your meds, it will be fine. You’ll know when something is coming. Everyone has symptoms. But don't worry, okay? We’re all here for you. We're gonna get through this. I promised.”<br/>
“Thanks, Aunt Charlotte.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
-<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><br/>
After spending a few hours with Charlotte to clear his mind, Hero had made a decision. He knew, he had to talk about it with his parents first, and this made him a little anxious, but he was sure that talking about it with his dad would help him more in deciding what to do.<br/>
Hero was very attached to his dad, and unlike many teenagers, he felt free to talk to him about everything, without ever being judged.<br/>
<br/>
While he was waiting for the elevator, he closed his eyes and suddenly felt all the tiredness envelop his limbs. It was a weird sensation for the middle of the day. He had always been a boy who liked people, and yet the disease made social interactions physically exhausting. After half a day with his schoolmates and teachers, he just needed to rest.<br/>
Going home and doing homework in those conditions was complicated. He couldn’t focus. The only thing he wanted to do was simply lie down to recover some of the energy lost during the day.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Even before the elevator doors opened, Hero could hear the voices of his uncles. They were bickering as usual, and he couldn’t help but smile. Jens and Lucas have always been two of his favorite people in the world. Thanks to them he had learned to skate as a child, even though he often found himself in the midst of their deathly competitions to decide which one of them was more skilled on the board.<br/>
<br/>
“This damn stroller. Why you had to pick this monstrosity, uh?”<br/>
“It was the safest one, Jens.”<br/>
“It's bigger than our car and we barely fit in the elevator.”<br/>
<br/>
When the doors opened, they revealed the two men comically squeezed in a corner, to make</p><p>room for what was truly the largest stroller Hero had ever seen. Inside that gigantic thing, there was Lilith, a little girl of just six months, with thick raven hair and big chestnut eyes.<br/>
<br/>
“Hey, kid!”<br/>
<br/>
Jens was the first to notice Hero, and as soon as he managed to get out of the elevator, he gave him a high-five. Lucas took the stroller out and joined them.<br/>
<br/>
“Are you okay, baby? You look tired.”<br/>
<br/>
Lucas could spot the tiniest detail of one’s face, and Hero knew this very well. There were rare times in which he had managed to get away from his uncle’s gaze, and in fact, Eva had also stopped trying to hide anything from him.<br/>
<br/>
“And you should still be at school, right?”<br/>
<br/>
Hero still hated to talk about his illness, and it was wrong, especially because they were his uncles who had known him forever and knew exactly what he was going through. Lucas and Jens had been close to Charlotte when she was struggling.<br/>
It should have been easier to say <em>I felt a little overwhelmed today, so Charlotte picked me up and I just wanna rest even though it's only two in the afternoon.</em> But he still couldn't, so he just shrugged, hoping the two would understand.<br/>
<br/>
Lucas stroked his cheek, giving him a look full of affection.<br/>
<br/>
“It's gonna be fine, Hero. And we are all here for you, okay?”<br/>
“Yes, if you need anything, just call us, or come upstairs. Our door is always open for you.”<br/>
<br/>
Hero smiled, extremely grateful for the safety-net around him. He was surrounded by people who cared so much about him. They would never leave him alone, even in their darkest moments. He thanked his uncles and waved them goodbye, doing the same with little Lilith who had watched the whole scene from her huge stroller.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
-<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
When he walked into his house, he immediately heard music coming from his papa's studio.<br/>
Since Bowie, his sister, was born, Sander had decided to focus on her and work more from home. His sister was a little brat, and the fact that Sander spoiled her didn't make things better. The two spent hours playing with paint and soiling clean clothes and furniture with it.<br/>
Hero had never been particularly talented with pencils and brushes, and perhaps for that reason, he believed in his heart that his papa preferred to spend more time with Bowie. He couldn't help but be a little jealous of their relationship, and of how Sander was able to show affection to the little girl.<br/>
The boy knew, he was also deeply loved by his papa, but lately, there was something off between them.<br/>
<br/>
He knocked on the open door of his father's studio to get his attention, and the man looked up, giving his son a warm smile.<br/>
<br/>
“Hey, you're back early!”<br/>
“Yeah, I didn't feel good and I asked Charlotte to pick me up.”<br/>
“You could have asked me.”<br/>
<br/>
Hero shrugged, avoiding Sander's gaze. He hated to see the disappointment on his face, but his papa couldn't understand what he was going through. Charlotte, on the other hand, could.<br/>
<br/>
“How are you feeling now?”<br/>
“Tired. I think I'm gonna get some rest.”<br/>
“If you need anything, I'm right here.”<br/>
<br/>
Hero nodded, giving his father a small smile.<br/>
As he made his way to his room, his sister darted past him laughing, without even saying hello and he frowned, thinking she was the strangest girl in the world.<br/>
<br/>
When he entered his room, he quickly walked over to the desk. He took off his backpack, placing it on the floor, and got rid of the sweatshirt he was wearing, already anticipating the moment when his body would finally touch the bed. He turned, but his expression changed immediately when he saw a huge stain of red paint standing out on his favorite blanket. Hero reconnected the dots. It wasn’t a hard task, after all.<br/>
<br/>
“BOWIE. I SWEAR TO GOD. I HATE YOU SO MUCH.”<br/>
<br/>
He closed his eyes and tried to regain control of himself, trying to breathe normally through his nose, while thinking he had to move quickly before the paint would run through the blanket, ruining the sheets and mattress.<br/>
<br/>
“What happened?”<br/>
<br/>
Sander appeared from the door with a frown on his face, followed by Bowie that was hiding behind his legs. Hero looked at them both, furiously, while a thousand thoughts were crowding his mind. He wanted to keep screaming all his anger, but he didn't. Instead, he started to roll up the blanket, being careful not to spill the paint around.<br/>
<br/>
“Your favorite child made a mess.”<br/>
“Hero, what are you talking about? I don't have a favorite child. You two and your dad are my favorite people in the world.”<br/>
<br/>
The boy didn’t argue. He kept undoing his bed to the mattress, in silence. When he noticed that his father was doing nothing to leave him alone in his bedroom, he decided to speak up.<br/>
<br/>
“Where's dad? I wanna talk to him.”<br/>
“He's still at work.”<br/>
<br/>
Hero was tired and angry, and in moments like that, it was like his emotions were exploding inside of him uncontrollably. He hated feeling that way as if everything he had inside was about to get out of his hand at any moment. Despite fighting against it for most of the time, sometimes he couldn’t help but let go.<br/>
<br/>
He looked at his papa's face and clenched his jaw when the other's eyes held his gaze with the same intensity as if they were a mirror of his own.<br/>
The boy wanted to say everything he had been holding inside for months, all the thoughts that were hurting him. The things that kept him awake at night.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Why don't you love me as much as you love Bowie?<br/>
Why don't you ever want to spend time with me?<br/>
It's because she is really your daughter and I’m just...</em><br/>
<br/>
He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked away, suddenly feeling too fragile to be able to withstand such a fight. Once again he had been betrayed by himself.<br/>
<br/>
“I don't get why he's always at work, while you are here.”<br/>
“You're being rude, and you know I work here so I can be with you and your sister.”<br/>
“Yeah, with my sister, of course. Whatever, I want dad now.”<br/>
“Hero, you can also talk to me.”<br/>
“I need to throw these things in the washer.”<br/>
“Okay. Let me help you.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
-<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Later that evening, he was hiding in his room, tucked under clean blankets, with the light on, because he wanted to avoid, in every way, turning his bad mood into something worse. Hero heard a knock on his door. When he turned to look at his visitor, he was delighted to see his dad's face. He sighed in relief and sat up against the headboard. The boy was happy to finally see him. He had needed his presence since he left for school that morning.<br/>
<br/>
“Hey, baby.”<br/>
“Hi, dad.”<br/>
“How's your day?”<br/>
<br/>
Robbe sat down on the bed, hugging him tightly, making that annoying lump in his throat reappear, and his eyes becoming instantly watery. They released their embrace and Hero shook his head, trying not to look his dad. Robbe sighed, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders.<br/>
<br/>
“Hero, what’s going on? Papa told me what happened.”<br/>
“Snitch.”<br/>
“He's worried about you. He loves you as much as I do, you know that.”<br/>
“But he loves Bowie more because she’s your biological daughter.”<br/>
“Baby, what are you talking about? You can't be serious!”<br/>
<br/>
Hero shrugged.<br/>
Saying that sentence out loud was all he had been trying to do for weeks, but now it was like finding himself suddenly naked, in front of a crowd that was staring at him.<br/>
He couldn't add anything else or speak up, because, yes, he was serious, but when he felt his dad's arms wrap him in a hug, he felt a little less stupid.<br/>
<br/>
“You can't even imagine what your papa did for you when we were young. He gave up everything for you. His relationship with me and with his sister. He was ready to drop out of uni, just to find a job and take care of you.”<br/>
“I didn’t want to be rude to him. I was just pissed because Bowie made a mess in my room while he was supposed to watch her.”<br/>
“He can get lost in his work sometimes.”<br/>
“And I also don't know how to talk to him. With you, it's easier.”<br/>
“We can call him and you can try to talk with both of us.”<br/>
“Fine.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
When Sander walked through the door, following Robbe and holding his hand, he had his usual worried expression painted on his face. He sat on Hero's bed, and Robbe did the same, on the other side of it. Hero, somehow, felt calmer, safer, there sat between his fathers.<br/>
<br/>
“Sorry about earlier, papa.”<br/>
“It's okay, don't worry.”<br/>
<br/>
Like a suspicious cat that suddenly jumps in your lap, Hero approached his papa, leaning his back against the man’s chest, and Sander began to card his fingers through his son's hair, looping his waist with the other arm. Hero closed his eyes, relaxing. He realized that the distance he had felt between him and his papa was probably yet another trick of his mind and that for all that time, it would be enough for him to reach out, and bring down the walls that he had created.<br/>
<br/>
“I think I should drop out of school. I’m overwhelmed all the time and it’s really hard for me to focus. When I get home I’m too tired to do my homework. I feel like I'm failing at everything and it gives me anxiety.”<br/>
<br/>
There was a long moment of silence in which Robbe and Sander looked into each other's eyes, and Hero was sure that somehow, after years of marriage, the two had discovered a way to talk telepathically, because he had seen them do that so many times.<br/>
<br/>
“Your mental health is our priority.”<br/>
“Definitely, and we understand that you need your time to adjust to your illness, to understand how to live your life with it.”<br/>
“Thanks.”<br/>
“But, maybe we can consider other options, you know?”<br/>
“Like what?”<br/>
"Homeschooling, for example."<br/>
<br/>
It wasn't a bad idea. That way he would adjust his schedule according to how he felt.<br/>
<br/>
“It's a good idea, but I don't know if I can start something new right now.”<br/>
“It's okay, baby. We can take it day by day.”<br/>
“And if it gets too much, we can also take it minute by minute.”<br/>
<br/>
Hero turned his face to look his papa in the eye, and smile gratefully at him. He liked the idea of not having to think about the future and being able to focus only on the present. It made him feel grounded and for the first time in weeks, his mind wasn't drifting.<br/>
<br/>
Robbe held Hero in his arm, kissing his forehead, while Sander hugged them both as they did when he was still a little kid.<br/>
<br/>
“My baby boy.”<br/>
“Our baby boy, Robbe.”<br/>
“Yes, our baby boy.”<br/>
<br/>
Maybe Hero would always be a fish out of water among his peers, because of his illness or because it was just what he had always been. Having been loved so deeply since he was born, had led him to be free of being himself because his parents had always pushed him to express his personality and not to apologize for who he was.<br/>
Reality hit him very hard when he found out that people usually prefer predictability and labels. The world doesn't like unpredictable things.<br/>
Hero loved to live his little utopia, in the arms of his parents, in which he was free to be himself, with his illness, his moment of euphoria, and his depression. He was free to express his ideas, to love immeasurably, to cry, to feel sad or happy.<br/>
In his little utopia, he felt safe and knew that if he fell, someone would always be ready to catch him. At that moment Hero knew that, although he’d always carry the moon inside of him, thanks to the love surrounding him, eventually, the sun would shine again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That was it! Thank you so much, guys. I wanted to write this story for so long and I can't believe I made it to the end. Thanks for all the love, the comments and the kudos. You guys gave me so many ideas. I'll miss this very much.<br/>As always, and for the last time, let me know what you think!<br/>All the love &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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